How much would this bug you?

[Anonymous]

MIL was babysitting 1.5 yr for 24 hours. This was not a favor, she basically shoved us and older kids out the door to a night a great wolf she surprised us with knowing we (dh too) weren’t 100% comfortable with her having the kids alone. But it was at our house (vs hers with unsecured pool) with our easiest child so we decided to give it a try. I will agree she was trying to do something nice for us….and it was also self serving.

At 1:05 she texts that she got dd down for her nap right on time (at 1:00) at 3:00 she texts she got dd up and they’re heading to the park. Nanit (baby monitor that you can watch on your phone and logs activity) shows actually dd didn’t go down until 2:40 and was up at 5pm. Would the lying bug you? Or is it kind of in the realm of grandparent prerogative and if it wasn’t for today’s tech it’d never be a big deal? Would it raise concerns about trustworthiness to watch kids overall for you? I’d been about ready to let my 6yo who id feel comfortable with around a pool visit her for several days

[Anonymous]

The lying about my child would be a huge issue for me. Why lie about the time? That's pathological and I wouldn't trust her at all. DH would be having a serious conversation with her.

[Anonymous]

It would bug me because my MIL is always doing whatever she wants. I understand that routines can be really important especially for working moms. I think it’s very disrespectful of her, and you have to assume she will lie about everything she thinks is unimportant.

[Anonymous]

She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

[Anonymous]

Eh, without the camera you’d be none the wiser. Routine for primary caregiver are always off for non primary. Let it go, get off your phone, turn off the camera, go play with your other kid/husband sans make some memories that matter.

[Anonymous]

Does that mean she was being recorded without her knowing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, lying is a dealbreaker. You can never trust what she’s doing with your kids at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Because she has no moral character?

I have a SIL who has a different parenting style and different rules, but if I wasn’t comfortable respecting her rules, I either:
A) Wouldn’t watch her child
B) Be able to say in all honestly that I tried, it didn’t work, here’s the best I can do; if that wasn’t acceptable, I’d understand that I’m not the right person to watch my niece and nephew

Anyone who lies to a parent about their child being in their care isn’t a trustworthy caregiver. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

Grandparents will do whatever tf they want. They think your routines, food choices and rules are ridiculous. Even your mom thinks that, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

Grandparents will do whatever tf they want. They think your routines, food choices and rules are ridiculous. Even your mom thinks that, op.

In our case this was mostly the truth

My youngest is 13 now so I have a lot of years away from this issue, but I lived and died by the routines I created for our 3 kids. My MIL thought they were ridiculous and definitely likely lied about what happened around schedule stuff. She was left alone with my kids less than my mother was and that’s because my mom would talk to me and tell me when things didn’t go according to plan, but she supported the routine whether she believed in it or not.

I do know that my MIL loves her grandkids to death and would never do anything to actually hurt them even if she thinks nap routines and bedtimes are ridiculous, so for me the lie would be more indicative of issues in our relationship than her trustworthiness with my kids.

What I would do in your shoes is ask DH to let her know that the baby monitor tracks and records everything and in the future to please be honest. Based on what I know about my in-laws I wouldn’t want to make it a big fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

+1

You need to let her know that the baby monitor’s log did not align with what she said, but also add that she can feel free to let you know the truth.

[Anonymous]

But you weren’t honest about her being recorded either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She lied because she felt she had to. Ask yourself why that is.

Why can’t MIL follow a very simple schedule?

Grandparents will do whatever tf they want. They think your routines, food choices and rules are ridiculous. Even your mom thinks that, op.

NP. That’s absolutely fine. They can be visitors, then, and not caregivers. It is 100% fine if they just want to visit and have fun, and not babysit. If they want to babysit, they will follow the rules.