Friend being smug about new baby

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry that your friend isn't experiencing or sharing about their own parenthood experience in the exact way that you want them to.

If you could not tell that is sarcasm. This is not worth thinking about. Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a good friend from college that we've kept in regular touch with all these years. We got married and had kids soon after college, whereas he only recently settled down.

We did kind of grow apart when we had kids and he was still single - we still talked regularly and visited each other, but we were just in very different stages of life, so the connection was less deep. He didn't really get that we couldn't go on certain vacations or even for a night out, that we were sometimes too exhausted to talk on the phone in the evenings, etc. I was very excited when he announced they were expecting their first, to finally have parenthood in common.

As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same.

It also bears mentioning that my friend has always been pretty honest in talking about his jobs, life, family, etc. This baby situation is the first time he's acted smug. Should I just change the subject when he brings these things up? I want to stay friends, but the constant showing off is bothering me.

It's odd that you describe him as "smug." It sounds more matter of fact to me and it's your reaction that's the problem. It's like you cannot fathom that someone else might have a different experience for you and you're desperate to wallow in misery with someone.

[Anonymous]

Speaking the truth may be stressful to him. Give him the grace of space. The why is not important. Not for now. Reevaluate in a year. Honestly, don't even consider your take on this for at least a year. You have been friends long enough to give the friendship a grace period to adjust.

[Anonymous]

I had a miserable pregnancy, easy delivery and relatively easy babies. Most people seem to have uneventful pregnancies or deliveries. Some had morning sickness. Others had an emergency c section or no time for an epidural. This is not some competition to be unhappy.

Also the father just shows up. He is not the want with nausea or heartburn. What kind of complaining do you expect him to be doing? I felt most of my friends had happy pregnancies while I was throwing up the whole time. One benefit is I gained very little weight and everyone told me I didn’t even looked I had a baby.

[Anonymous]

I remember feeling this way. A lot of new parents are like this. My kids are now 7 and 10. The smugness tends to change when folks hit the later years of parenting and kids start saying “no” and developing their own personalities and preferences. Some parents will still sugarcoat things at this stage but usually everyone just bonds over the difficulties haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a good friend from college that we've kept in regular touch with all these years. We got married and had kids soon after college, whereas he only recently settled down.

We did kind of grow apart when we had kids and he was still single - we still talked regularly and visited each other, but we were just in very different stages of life, so the connection was less deep. He didn't really get that we couldn't go on certain vacations or even for a night out, that we were sometimes too exhausted to talk on the phone in the evenings, etc. I was very excited when he announced they were expecting their first, to finally have parenthood in common.

As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same.

It also bears mentioning that my friend has always been pretty honest in talking about his jobs, life, family, etc. This baby situation is the first time he's acted smug. Should I just change the subject when he brings these things up? I want to stay friends, but the constant showing off is bothering me.

Just tell him, "Yeah. We have three kids and we know.". If that doesn't work then start telling her me everything
are bout your kids. This should shut him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a good friend from college that we've kept in regular touch with all these years. We got married and had kids soon after college, whereas he only recently settled down.

We did kind of grow apart when we had kids and he was still single - we still talked regularly and visited each other, but we were just in very different stages of life, so the connection was less deep. He didn't really get that we couldn't go on certain vacations or even for a night out, that we were sometimes too exhausted to talk on the phone in the evenings, etc. I was very excited when he announced they were expecting their first, to finally have parenthood in common.

As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same.

It also bears mentioning that my friend has always been pretty honest in talking about his jobs, life, family, etc. This baby situation is the first time he's acted smug. Should I just change the subject when he brings these things up? I want to stay friends, but the constant showing off is bothering me.

Just tell him, "Yeah. We have three kids and we know.". If that doesn't work then start telling her me everything
are bout your kids. This should shut him up.

Found in “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”

Fellow parents: sounds like a lot of you don’t enjoy parenthood at all. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

My oldest had a mildly traumatic birth, feeding issues, allergies reflux, cried 4-6 hours a night for over a month and had medical issues that made sleeping through the night difficult until a year. I feel a little pang of jealousy every time I hear someone getting to enjoy those early days because I was absolutely miserable. Loved my baby and thought she was adorable but probably had post partum depression or anxiety in retrospect. I remind myself that it doesn’t change my experience for other people to have it easier. They might actually have an easy baby. My experience with my second was night and day.

FWIW the toddler age was my favorite. It’s ok for people to have different experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how everyone assumes friend is married to a woman

Did you read the OP? The pronouns are right there. "he was still single (the friend)" and "As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms"

[Anonymous]

As someone who had one very difficult postpartum/newborn experience and one very easy one, I’d be happy for your friend. A difficult newborn phase can be very alienating, especially when it’s your first. And you have no idea what’s going on underneath the surface

[Anonymous]

"As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same."



What in the world?! Sorry not everyone has the same challenges OP. Green is not a good color on you.

[Anonymous]

It’s so weird to me when people assume you are lying or hiding things when you are genuinely enjoying the baby phase. I loved it! Not saying it’s easy or fun for everyone but it can be that they are loving it and don’t find it stressful or hard

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven’t read all the responses on here but just came to say that I really struggle to be friends with people like this as well, and generally just avoid people who can only discuss how wonderful their life is all the time. Sadly my sister is also like this and it has definitely put distance in our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven’t read all the responses on here but just came to say that I really struggle to be friends with people like this as well, and generally just avoid people who can only discuss how wonderful their life is all the time. Sadly my sister is also like this and it has definitely put distance in our relationship.

So you only want to be friends with Eeyores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven’t read all the responses on here but just came to say that I really struggle to be friends with people like this as well, and generally just avoid people who can only discuss how wonderful their life is all the time. Sadly my sister is also like this and it has definitely put distance in our relationship.

So you only want to hang out with complainers?

I’m the mom. Yes, I had mom friends we had for support. I can’t imagine DH saying anything besides fatherhood is amazing. Wife and baby are doing well at home.

What do you want from this guy, OP?