Friend being smug about new baby

[Anonymous]

Maybe your friend thought you were a toxic parent and chose not to be like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) You’re talking to dad. Not mom. Dad may not know all the gory details the same way that mom would.

2) Some people aren’t complainers … unlike yourself, apparently.

3) I don’t understand why you can’t just be polite? It’s not that hard. The tough stuff catches up with all of us eventually. Easy babies aren’t always easy toddlers, elementary kids, teens, or adults. Everyone has their struggles even if they don’t constantly complain about them.

I was also thinking what guy is complaining. He didn’t just have a c section or breastfeeding for the first time. His nipples don’t hurt.

My husband changed a lot of diapers but he was back at work after a week. I was the one who was sleep deprived and probably had some postpartum depression. Dh came home from work and played with the baby and gushed over the baby. What sorts of complaints do you expect from this guy? We haven’t been having as much sex because my wife just gave birth complaints???

OP, you sound strange. This is not smug. Do you even know what smug is?

[Anonymous]

Having to wake the baby up is actually a problem…

[Anonymous]

Yeah my Dh was over the moon happy with a baby boy. He went to work and back and held our little baby. Was he a smug dad??? I don’t think so. He was happy being a new dad.

I was the one swimming in laundry and pump parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just be happy for them, and let it go?

This!

I had twins (spontaneous, we did not do any kind of fertility treatments, so we were not expecting that!), but my pregnancy was actually pretty easy, my job let me work from home until they were born, I had saved up a ton of PTO for a long maternity leave (and I didn't have to worry about using it all up since we had wanted two kids and got two in one), my husband was very senior at his job and was able to take leave both after they were born so that the four of us were home together for awhile and then again when I went back to work, we had enough money to hire an amazing nanny who started before we went back to work full-time so we were super comfortable leaving our babies with her, our jobs were kind to us when they were little so that we weren't working a ton and didn't have to travel, and they were super easy babies who rarely fussed and slept through the night at 12 weeks without ever crying it out. So yeah, some of us actually hit the jackpot when it comes to kids. I could tell you about all the other stuff I've had to deal with (alcoholic mom who now has dementia whose care is solely on me, brother who overdosed, dad who died of cancer), but the baby stage was pretty great, even with two of them. So maybe just be happy for your friends. Honestly, they don't sound like they're being smug. Maybe you should consider what kind of friend you are that you can't just be happy for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem disappointed that they aren't looking to you to commiserate. If they've been honest about other struggles in their life, maybe they truly have just had an easy time (so far!).

I have a friend who had the easiest possible time getting pregnant, easy pregnancies and births, a lot of financial luck when kids were little. I had a really hard time getting pregnant followed by severe hg in my pregnancies, and while she wasn't the one I chose to talk to about it I can honestly say I never resented her or wished she was having fertility problems or difficult pregnancies. I'd personally investigate in therapy why you want others - who you allegedly care about - to go through the same struggles as you, rather than wanting an easy, happy experience.

This. Between my good friend and I, one of us got pregnant two weeks after going off the pill, one has endured tons of fertility treatments and miscarriages. The one who had it easy wishes the same for her friend. The one who had it hard doesn't wish her friend had also struggled. I would ask you if you're really friends with these people. Wanting them to have things be hard is a very weird thing to wish on someone you supposedly are friends with.

[Anonymous]

Smug because things are going well? What a weird take. Some "friend." I would be happy for someone with an easy new baby.

FWIW I'm the mother of three with a large gap between the older two and my baby (now 8.5 months). He's a great, easy baby: good sleeper, calm, happy temperament. Am I supposed to tell people I'm miserable, or does reporting these facts make me "smug"?

You sound miserable OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous.

Your friend might be more capable and not find having a baby that challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would drive me up the wall too, OP! Right up the wall! I think your feelings are valid.

Try doing a little bragging of your own? Whatever you love about your kids, talk about it! It might make you feel better.

Or just give him some feedback, make some quips.

Like what? "Oh just wait, things will get so hard!" "Babies are sweet, toddlers are the worse, you are in for it!" "There's probably something wrong if the baby is sleeping that much, you should take them specialists and start to worry."

What quips should OP use? And what's the purpose?

I really question if some of you people actually have any real friendships in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenting in 2023 is very different than parenting in 2013.

Big Facts!!!

Huh? I had a kid born in 2013 and I'm not sure things would be different if I had another kid today. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smug because things are going well? What a weird take. Some "friend." I would be happy for someone with an easy new baby.

FWIW I'm the mother of three with a large gap between the older two and my baby (now 8.5 months). He's a great, easy baby: good sleeper, calm, happy temperament. Am I supposed to tell people I'm miserable, or does reporting these facts make me "smug"?

You sound miserable OP.

I also had a third child with large age gap between the last two kids. I sincerely enjoyed my baby and toddler days. She was an absolute joy. Sure, I was tired as all moms are. She was such a good baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to get treated for her chronic post partum depression

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you happy for him?

[Anonymous]

Love how everyone assumes friend is married to a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he genuinely has an easy baby and everything else in their life is great too at this point. Why not just be happy for them?

This. Mine was pretty easy too.