Friend being smug about new baby

[Anonymous]

DH and I have a good friend from college that we've kept in regular touch with all these years. We got married and had kids soon after college, whereas he only recently settled down.

We did kind of grow apart when we had kids and he was still single - we still talked regularly and visited each other, but we were just in very different stages of life, so the connection was less deep. He didn't really get that we couldn't go on certain vacations or even for a night out, that we were sometimes too exhausted to talk on the phone in the evenings, etc. I was very excited when he announced they were expecting their first, to finally have parenthood in common.

As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same.

It also bears mentioning that my friend has always been pretty honest in talking about his jobs, life, family, etc. This baby situation is the first time he's acted smug. Should I just change the subject when he brings these things up? I want to stay friends, but the constant showing off is bothering me.

[Anonymous]

“Oh that’s great.”

Change the subject.

I found people like this annoying too, but later realized not everyone is comfortable being vulnerable about the difficult kid stuff. They may open up in time, or not. That’s not something you can control.

[Anonymous]

I was this way, what you call "smug" when I became a parent. I'll tell you why. I had a TON of medical issues before I became a parent. ANd I was my father's caregiver before he died.

Raising a new born was cakewalk compared to all this other stuff. My friends didn't get it, but I had already been through hell and I was perfectly content and happy because it was a positive challenge

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just be happy for them, and let it go?

[Anonymous]

This will peter out naturally as he has to, you know, raise the baby for the next 18 years. and no, you shouldn’t change the subject when your long term friend says things are going well with baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just be happy for them, and let it go?

seriously!

[Anonymous]

So your kids are grown? Why are you letting this bother you? He has years of parenthood ahead. Let him enjoy an easy newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just be happy for them, and let it go?

Because her friend has everything she has and more. OP sounds petty and jealous.

- DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a good friend from college that we've kept in regular touch with all these years. We got married and had kids soon after college, whereas he only recently settled down.

We did kind of grow apart when we had kids and he was still single - we still talked regularly and visited each other, but we were just in very different stages of life, so the connection was less deep. He didn't really get that we couldn't go on certain vacations or even for a night out, that we were sometimes too exhausted to talk on the phone in the evenings, etc. I was very excited when he announced they were expecting their first, to finally have parenthood in common.

As their pregnancy progressed, they were both extremely positive -- she is feeling great, no unpleasant symptoms, they've got lots of help lined up, they have zero worries about the newborn period, they've read everything and gotten all the right stuff, etc.

The baby was recently born, and it's more of the same - she's already sleeping perfectly (has to be woken up for feedings since she doesn't wake up herself), labor was very easy, grandparents are so helpful, everything is blissful and great.

I find it kind of annoying. When I had my kids, I just politely avoided any parents who would not talk about any challenges ever. I've always been open about the ups and downs of parenthood and sought out friends who were the same.

It also bears mentioning that my friend has always been pretty honest in talking about his jobs, life, family, etc. This baby situation is the first time he's acted smug. Should I just change the subject when he brings these things up? I want to stay friends, but the constant showing off is bothering me.

Be happy for her! It’s great that her baby is easy and she has a support system. Honestly, you sound like an awful and jealous friend.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know with an easy baby was in for a rude awakening at some point down the line. Not saying you should wish anything bad on them, but the first few months of parenting are not indicative of 18 years of raising a kid. In fact my easiest baby turned into my kid with SNs.

Just try to be glad for them that things are going smoothly so far. Life is long and can be hard.

[Anonymous]

Some people really do have easy newborns, and grandparent help, and easy labors. It sounds like they went in expecting the worst or at least being prepared for it and have been pleasantly surprised. That’s great! It doesn’t mean they won’t encounter challenges down the road, whether with sleep training or teenage drama. This is a single point in time and it’s still new for them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he genuinely has an easy baby and everything else in their life is great too at this point. Why not just be happy for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people really do have easy newborns, and grandparent help, and easy labors. It sounds like they went in expecting the worst or at least being prepared for it and have been pleasantly surprised. That’s great! It doesn’t mean they won’t encounter challenges down the road, whether with sleep training or teenage drama. This is a single point in time and it’s still new for them.

But OP seems bummed and bitter that they aren't experiencing challenges

[Anonymous]

You seem disappointed that they aren't looking to you to commiserate. If they've been honest about other struggles in their life, maybe they truly have just had an easy time (so far!).

I have a friend who had the easiest possible time getting pregnant, easy pregnancies and births, a lot of financial luck when kids were little. I had a really hard time getting pregnant followed by severe hg in my pregnancies, and while she wasn't the one I chose to talk to about it I can honestly say I never resented her or wished she was having fertility problems or difficult pregnancies. I'd personally investigate in therapy why you want others - who you allegedly care about - to go through the same struggles as you, rather than wanting an easy, happy experience.

[Anonymous]

Some people are lucky to have easy babies. They could have #2 and it's a total nightmare or not. I'm surprised your are still triggered by this and I say this as someone with a teenager that was literally that worst sleeper ever as a baby.