Friend being smug about new baby

[Anonymous]

You sound exhausting. So you avoided people who didn’t struggle with their kids?

You could just be happy for them.

[Anonymous]

Some babies are easier and some people have lots of help. I had a first baby at the same time as my sister. Her baby was very sleepy and mostly slept and ate. Mi e was a crier...always unhappy never sleeping. She had the Good Baby. Well the years went by and the good baby had a heep if challenges along the way. Suddenly parenting was not so blissfully easy.

[Anonymous]

OP, here is a different perspective.

This friend watched you and your husband get married and have kids in your 20s when he was still going to bars and taking last minute trips to Vegas. He watched your lives get fuller, more stable, and more meaningful while his romantic relationships stayed surface level and his life lacked true purpose. He also watched you parent multiple kids at an age when few of his friends had kids. He likely watched you become more confident with each subsequent kid and as the years went on.

Now he's finally settled down and having a kid. And you guys are the veteran parents who have been through it ALL already. He may be trying to impress you, trying to compete with you, afraid you'll judge him, or just worried you'll dump a bunch of advice on him. His decision to assure you he's got it all figured out and there are no issues whatsoever is unsurprising. Who wants to be the total newbie at something their friend is an expert veteran at?

He wants you to see him as a peer, and not to look down on him as a first time parent making first time parent mistakes and having first time parent problems. The more you can reassure him that he's part of the parent club no matter what, and that you won't condescend or criticize, the more likely he is to loosen up and tell you when he does have challenges (which he will, everyone does). But right now, I think he's afraid for you to see him that way.

[Anonymous]

I sort of hate people like you op. When I went to moms group they turned it into a complaint fest. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my joy or good things that were happening with my babies.

Similarly when I was pregnant, people would ask me how I was and I seriously think it would have made them happy if I vomited nonstop and was having medical issues. When I said everything was fine, I had people daily telling me “just wait!” Or “you’re in for it soon!” But I wasn’t? I had 3 easy pregnancies that I didn’t talk about or gloat.

But hey I hate toddlers. They’re awful little demons in cute, chonky bodies. Any time I say anything even close to a complaint, people cut me off and tell me how wonderful they are. People support newborns way way way more than any other stage. Dh and I found that 0-12 weeks the best time in our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here is a different perspective.

This friend watched you and your husband get married and have kids in your 20s when he was still going to bars and taking last minute trips to Vegas. He watched your lives get fuller, more stable, and more meaningful while his romantic relationships stayed surface level and his life lacked true purpose. He also watched you parent multiple kids at an age when few of his friends had kids. He likely watched you become more confident with each subsequent kid and as the years went on.

Now he's finally settled down and having a kid. And you guys are the veteran parents who have been through it ALL already. He may be trying to impress you, trying to compete with you, afraid you'll judge him, or just worried you'll dump a bunch of advice on him. His decision to assure you he's got it all figured out and there are no issues whatsoever is unsurprising. Who wants to be the total newbie at something their friend is an expert veteran at?

He wants you to see him as a peer, and not to look down on him as a first time parent making first time parent mistakes and having first time parent problems. The more you can reassure him that he's part of the parent club no matter what, and that you won't condescend or criticize, the more likely he is to loosen up and tell you when he does have challenges (which he will, everyone does). But right now, I think he's afraid for you to see him that way.

Nah, the friend just isn't bitter because he lived a fuller life instead of seeting at people going to bars in their 20s while OP was bitter about their choice to become a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of hate people like you op. When I went to moms group they turned it into a complaint fest. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my joy or good things that were happening with my babies.

Similarly when I was pregnant, people would ask me how I was and I seriously think it would have made them happy if I vomited nonstop and was having medical issues. When I said everything was fine, I had people daily telling me “just wait!” Or “you’re in for it soon!” But I wasn’t? I had 3 easy pregnancies that I didn’t talk about or gloat.

But hey I hate toddlers. They’re awful little demons in cute, chonky bodies. Any time I say anything even close to a complaint, people cut me off and tell me how wonderful they are. People support newborns way way way more than any other stage. Dh and I found that 0-12 weeks the best time in our lives.

After going through a super hard adoption journey, people were wanting me to complain about lack of sleep and disappointed when I didn't. I was like WTF is wrong wiht you people! Get some perspective and read the room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of hate people like you op. When I went to moms group they turned it into a complaint fest. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my joy or good things that were happening with my babies.

Similarly when I was pregnant, people would ask me how I was and I seriously think it would have made them happy if I vomited nonstop and was having medical issues. When I said everything was fine, I had people daily telling me “just wait!” Or “you’re in for it soon!” But I wasn’t? I had 3 easy pregnancies that I didn’t talk about or gloat.

But hey I hate toddlers. They’re awful little demons in cute, chonky bodies. Any time I say anything even close to a complaint, people cut me off and tell me how wonderful they are. People support newborns way way way more than any other stage. Dh and I found that 0-12 weeks the best time in our lives.

Hahaha this is so relatable. I absolutely loved the infant/baby stage. It was really a magical time all 3 times. Toddlers? A whole other story. I swear my 2 year old has been 2 for half a decade. Toddlers are the cutest but they can be very annoying to be honest.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to get treated for her chronic post partum depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of hate people like you op. When I went to moms group they turned it into a complaint fest. I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my joy or good things that were happening with my babies.

Similarly when I was pregnant, people would ask me how I was and I seriously think it would have made them happy if I vomited nonstop and was having medical issues. When I said everything was fine, I had people daily telling me “just wait!” Or “you’re in for it soon!” But I wasn’t? I had 3 easy pregnancies that I didn’t talk about or gloat.

But hey I hate toddlers. They’re awful little demons in cute, chonky bodies. Any time I say anything even close to a complaint, people cut me off and tell me how wonderful they are. People support newborns way way way more than any other stage. Dh and I found that 0-12 weeks the best time in our lives.

Do you not see the irony here? You are learning firsthand that different people have different experiences with different parenting phases, but instead of just recognizing this and trying to have empathy and be understanding, you've decided people who complain about babies are worth hating, and people who praise the toddler phase are too.

Your experience isn't definitive. Every parent has had both experiences you describe. Ideally we learn from this to recognize it's all subjective, and it helps us appreciate the highs and not get too pulled down by the lows.

[Anonymous]

What if….*gasp*…things are actually going well with the baby?

He’s older and probably so happy about finally having his kid. Happiness ne smugness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if….*gasp*…things are actually going well with the baby?

He’s older and probably so happy about finally having his kid. Happiness ne smugness

This really might just be the case. I have 3 and I love, love, love babies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't you just be happy for them, and let it go?

Agree

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they are being positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people really do have easy newborns, and grandparent help, and easy labors. It sounds like they went in expecting the worst or at least being prepared for it and have been pleasantly surprised. That’s great! It doesn’t mean they won’t encounter challenges down the road, whether with sleep training or teenage drama. This is a single point in time and it’s still new for them.

But OP seems bummed and bitter that they aren't experiencing challenges

“How dare they not suffer like we did??”

You’re awful, OP.

[Anonymous]

Cool Aunty. “Hey kiddo. When you were sna I was so kissed off at your parents for not resenting your existence “