Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

i know a pregnant girl (who probably makes over 100K and her husband likely makes more than that) who was hitting her parents up for full time day care when the baby is born. that went over like a lead balloon.

parents can help out, but your parents, no matter which generation you and they are from, don't owe you childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

Little kids are much harder. What planet are you from?

Little kids are far easier than an elderly person with severe dementia. What planet are you from?

A planet that uses appropriate levels of health care workers and care facilities for elder care.

[Anonymous]

More entitled millennials bashing their parents. It's so tiresome.

- Young Gen X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

Did your grandparents watch you while you're parents worked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

Did your grandparents watch you while you're parents worked?

Yes they did and I remember this fondly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers had their parents (sometimes both sets!) nearby. And they were helpful.

Now as grandparents they want all the fun without any of the assistance. It sucks.

Did you stay near your parents? Everyone I know who stayed near their parents (not the ones who moved to be closer to parents for help with childcare during covid, that's a whole different set of people), but the ones who went to college, then moved back to their hometown or whose parents moved to be near them after they settled somewhere, they all have close relationships with their families. The people who moved to be near their families for childcare because they felt entitled to their help during Covid, or the ones whose parents live several hours drive or flight away and feel entitled to childcare at the drop of a hat are just being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

Did your grandparents watch you while you're parents worked?

Yes they did and I remember this fondly.

Really? Both of your parents worked full time and granny would come over for 15 minutes so your mom could telework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

For some people, sure, but the average age of a first time grandparent is 50.

I grew up living near a retirement community; all of my family members had jobs catering to residents in the community. People even in their 60's are still often in great shape. Nearing 70 and into the 70's is where things start to diverge. Most people are slower, but still fairly healthy whereas others are affected more significantly, it seems.

I am 47 with children who are 8 and 10. My parents are 78 and 80. I'm not asking 78 and 80 year old people to watch my incredibly active children. That's mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

Did your grandparents watch you while you're parents worked?

Yes they did and I remember this fondly.

Really? Both of your parents worked full time and granny would come over for 15 minutes so your mom could telework?

Grandparents would stay with us for weeks to months at a time to help out. We would also stay with them for a week at a time in the summers. My own parents can’t handle 15 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do get a bit annoyed at my boomer parents, who are always on vacation, while I have small children at home, a demanding career, and cannot get enough sleep.

That’s weird. Why would you be annoyed by that? They’re your kids.

They live a life of leisure while I work nonstop. It gets annoying when they want to see the grandkids but cannot watch them for 15 minutes so I can get work done.

Did your grandparents watch you while you're parents worked?

Yes they did and I remember this fondly.

Really? Both of your parents worked full time and granny would come over for 15 minutes so your mom could telework?

? Not that pp, but gen x and both my parents worked full time since I was 3. Grandma would come take care of me after school, and babysat my cousins on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers had their parents (sometimes both sets!) nearby. And they were helpful.

Now as grandparents they want all the fun without any of the assistance. It sucks.

This doesn’t describe anyone i know. Nobody’s grandparents were around full time when i was a kid nor were mine. I can count on one hand how many times i saw my maternal grandmother who lived in another state. I think you have romanticized what this was actually like.

[Anonymous]

So O was supposed to birth my kids when I was younger to accommodate their need for future daycare. And I shouldn’t enjoy travel during my retirement because I owe my children that inheritance. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

For some people, sure, but the average age of a first time grandparent is 50.

I grew up living near a retirement community; all of my family members had jobs catering to residents in the community. People even in their 60's are still often in great shape. Nearing 70 and into the 70's is where things start to diverge. Most people are slower, but still fairly healthy whereas others are affected more significantly, it seems.

I am 47 with children who are 8 and 10. My parents are 78 and 80. I'm not asking 78 and 80 year old people to watch my incredibly active children. That's mean.

I'm the poster you're responding to. I wasn't trying to imply that you or anyone else should expect help at that age (or any age actually).

I only meant that people in their mid 60's are usually in good health and not that frail. If the average age of a grandparent is 50, adding 10-15 years to account for DCUM demographics would be 60's.

The 70s or, in your example, 80s are much different.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is at all due to grandparent age. I started having kids at 30. My parents were 58 and 60 then and not retired. Their excuse then was that they weren't retired. Once they retired they had tons and tons of free time... to do nothing. They never were involved in elder care either.

I'm not bitter though and don't want/need any help. What I'd like is for grandparent to stop the requirements that we show up at the holidays. They all just go berserk over wanting us at holidays. We get ignored all year and then holidays roll around and everyone wants us. Boomers are just in it for the holidays and instagram moments. They don't actually care about your mental state.

[Anonymous]

What is it with Boomers NEVER calling? And then complaining we never call when we call semi regularly? If they don't like the frequency, why don't they call more?

My kids would love to talk on the phone but our parents only want facetime and my kids even think that's intrusive. EVERYONE hates facetime! I can't even tell you how many tantrums my kids have had over having to be on facetime with grandparents.