Millennials feel 'abandoned' by parents not available to help raise grandkids: 'Too busy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

Little kids are much harder. What planet are you from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And barely Gen Exer Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I don’t remember very many kids with grandparents helping out. I remember latch key kids instead. It certainly wasn’t the norm in either of my parent’s extended families.

Odd, I was born in 1975, and I knew my friends grandparents way better than my kids know their own grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do grandparents owe their children and grandchildren anything? Yes, it would be great if they could help out but some of your are downright entitled. You think your parents still owe you their time and effort? How messed up is that?

Have you seen the threads on here with people saying what was the point of having kids if they weren't going to provide them with grandkids? My boomer parents certainly guilted me about giving them grandchildren. Now that I have, the lack of support is a bit of a piss off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

Yes this is a huge issue. Also mostly white Americans delay childbirth. This is a big mistake in the long run.

It's not just childbearing patterns that have changed. Even when women don't delay childbearing, more women in the workplace means fewer grandmothers available to help with childcare. My mother was 52 when my oldest was born and helped as much as she could, but she was working fulltime and continued to do so for another 15 years. She certainly wasn't providing daycare for us.

My mother was a little over 10 years older than that (65) but same, still working and not available to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

Little kids are much harder. What planet are you from?

I have little kids and a parent with dementia. Elder care is much much harder.

[Anonymous]

My parents aren't capable of providing childcare, it doesn't matter how busy or not they are. They are oblivious and emotionally immature. They weren't really qualified to raise me, I certainly wouldn't leave my child alone with them.

It does suck, though. I really envy people with competent, mature parents capable of helping, even if it's just entertaining kids until dinner is ready. My parents are like additional children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

DP. I feel like this is going to be an underrated post, but that you are likely correct.

That should be obvious. Plus, I’m guessing there is some wealth and privilege in the OP too; low income boomers are not traveling the world.

[Anonymous]

Gen X, my Mom helped out when I returned to work (for 2 years, 2 nights-3days weekly). What a gift. Bonded with my kids. She died 10 years later deeply loved and missed by us (and my husband who she doted on). I plan to do the same for any future grandkids (college age children now so too soon).

[Anonymous]

Raise your own f'king kids

[Anonymous]

Millennials always look for something or someone to blame. Are you really surprised, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Raise your own f'king kids

Why have kids at all with that attitude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of millennials refuse to do the math. When I was small, my grandma was in her 50s. People complaining about lack of help when “my parents’ parents helped them”: how old are your parents? My guess is, substantially older than their parents were when you were born.

It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just a societal change. Complaining won’t help.

DP. I feel like this is going to be an underrated post, but that you are likely correct.

That should be obvious. Plus, I’m guessing there is some wealth and privilege in the OP too; low income boomers are not traveling the world.

But the people who complain know how old their parents are right now. By the time a person has kids, you don't have to project how old your parents will be. You know how old they are. Is anyone whose parents are actually too old to help complaining here?

The friends I have with parents too old to help usually express frustration when the have difficulty dealing with elder care issues. They've never said anything indicating that they expected their parents to help with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m gen x but my grandparents were very involved with my life. My boomer mom never even calls my kids. It’s very sad.

Same here. On the rare occasion I had an emergency and asked for help (once every few years), my mom would say no. She'll go out of her way to help anyone else though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till these grandparents need help.

I can assure you, their parents are not counting on any help seeing how inept and fragile these people are. It’s laughable to think that you can’t handle your own children but somehow will be of any use in elder care. Kids are a piece of cake compared to the elderly.

Little kids are much harder. What planet are you from?

Little kids are far easier than an elderly person with severe dementia. What planet are you from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millennial here in this situation. It doesn’t bother me that our parents live their lives and are having fun, what bothers me are the snide remarks about how much money we spend on childcare.

Actual conversation-
Mom - You shouldn’t spend so much on camps! You should let me watch them for a week.
Me - (gets out calendar) which week will you be entertaining my kids from 8:30am until 5:30pm and feeding them 2 meals?
Mom - uuuuuuhm none of those weeks work, we’re busy . . .
Or Oh, I just meant a day or two or 9am -12pm.
Meanwhile we both work full time traditional schedule office jobs . . .