Just need to vent - discovery of affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell how you discovered the affair.

+1 DH and I are from Europe and what PP said is BS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell how you discovered the affair.

+1 DH and I are from Europe and what PP said is BS!

Oops wrong thread. Responding to PP who responded to someone else about how it is ok for men to cheat in Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Europe married women with children just accept that their husband will has a side girlfriend to take care of his needs.

This is not correct. Signed: a European married woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Daddy loves other women.” Even young kids will understand: It’s not your fault, it’s his, and his behavior is marriage-ending.

Oh for God’s sake. You don’t burden a child—of any age—with this ish. “There are some specific ways people who are married have to be able to get along and agree and it turns out that we can’t. It has nothing to do with you, we both love you just the same, but we aren’t the right people for each other so we are getting divorced.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is out of town on work trip and you wonder how he found time. You also have a rocky relationship, but still blindsided.
I knew mine is a dog from the start and got out after two years. Most men are.

If your mindset is most men are dogs, you deserved what came your way.

[Anonymous]

What happens between husband and wife, stays between husband and wife…

[Anonymous]

Just admit, you felt emotionally disconnected and stopped having sex with your husband. He doesn’t care about feeling emotionally connected and once you stopped having sex with him, he went and got it elsewhere.
Typical…

[Anonymous]

Why does DCUM think a marriage is just about sex? For the record we were having sex still, but I’m sure sex with someone new is more exciting right? And so, here we are.

[Anonymous]

Wow the cheater apologists are out full force in this thread!

[Anonymous]

So many people are jumping on OP because she seemed surprise, but also mentioned that she and her DH were rocky and distant.

A lot of assumptions are being made that the shaky marriage CAUSED the affair. It could be The other way around - that the affair CAUSED the strain in the marriage.

Sometimes, the relationship is Initially great. DH starts an affair, there is disinterest and tension at home, and the marriage becomes rocky and distant. Thus, in hindsight, one isn’t surprised because they think they should have figured it out when the relationship became distant that DH was (obviously) having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does DCUM think a marriage is just about sex? For the record we were having sex still, but I’m sure sex with someone new is more exciting right? And so, here we are.

Sex with someone new isn’t that exciting. More like variety instead of plain. Why settle for Cheerios when you can get the variety pack…? 😈
Wife probably is boring in bed and husband wants to mix it up. And so, here we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens between husband and wife, stays between husband and wife…

Well- one of them broke that agreement when they started banging someone else.

Someone has no loyalty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many people are jumping on OP because she seemed surprise, but also mentioned that she and her DH were rocky and distant.

A lot of assumptions are being made that the shaky marriage CAUSED the affair. It could be The other way around - that the affair CAUSED the strain in the marriage.

Sometimes, the relationship is Initially great. DH starts an affair, there is disinterest and tension at home, and the marriage becomes rocky and distant. Thus, in hindsight, one isn’t surprised because they think they should have figured it out when the relationship became distant that DH was (obviously) having an affair.

I’m sure there are some sociopaths out there who start an affair while their marriage is going great, but it just seems like an incredibly harmful and risky and stupid thing to do to your life.

I almost had an affair- my marriage was going incredibly poorly. Before my marriage went south, having a romantic relationship with another person couldn’t have been farther from my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does DCUM think a marriage is just about sex? For the record we were having sex still, but I’m sure sex with someone new is more exciting right? And so, here we are.

Sex with someone new isn’t that exciting. More like variety instead of plain. Why settle for Cheerios when you can get the variety pack…? 😈
Wife probably is boring in bed and husband wants to mix it up. And so, here we are.

I've watched the most outrageous porn and it's still boring after a while. I don't really understand this mindset because something you do regularly isn't going to be that different. But then I'm not a guy with so much wanderlust for new experiences. Don't healthy people just say what they want to do with the one they love in the same way they might plan a vacation to somewhere new? I really don't understand going against a marital vow for this at least without giving therapy a chance first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does DCUM think a marriage is just about sex? For the record we were having sex still, but I’m sure sex with someone new is more exciting right? And so, here we are.

Sex with someone new isn’t that exciting. More like variety instead of plain. Why settle for Cheerios when you can get the variety pack…? 😈
Wife probably is boring in bed and husband wants to mix it up. And so, here we are.

I've watched the most outrageous porn and it's still boring after a while. I don't really understand this mindset because something you do regularly isn't going to be that different. But then I'm not a guy with so much wanderlust for new experiences. Don't healthy people just say what they want to do with the one they love in the same way they might plan a vacation to somewhere new? I really don't understand going against a marital vow for this at least without giving therapy a chance first.

This is how my husband explained it to me:

Even if I get to have the most delicious steak every day, after awhile I would like to try a hamburger.

As far as I know my husband has not had any strange hamburgers but never say never.