Rant: I stupidly picked a career that’s not family friendly

[Anonymous]

My physician wife got 5 weeks only then back to work.

[Anonymous]

I’m feel like once your kids are a little older medicine is actually great because there are more flexible options. Part time, different hours, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can do plenty with her MD degree and is in a far more fortunate position than most. But it’s easier to sit around and moan.

+1. What about working in CME developing training, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s strange because some articles claim medicin JJe is a family friendly career, for the ability to work part-time. I know women physicians that work just one or two days per week. Of course that assumes they have a partner working full time.

That's crazy. Medicine is incredibly family-unfriendly because of the strict schedules, which only gets worse if you have to do call.

Except in cases where there is a SAHP, every doctor I know with young kids gets a nanny that is able to work long and unpredictable hours. Which obviously gets expensive.

Mid-level providers end up in a very difficult middle zone. The hours are still inflexible, but they don't make nearly enough money for a nanny. I really don't understand how those got a reputation for being more family-friendly careers in medicine. In my experience, it is precisely the opposite.

The question is compared to what. OP is comparing to another profession, law. Many of us on this board are high up in corporate or government roles. I'm not an MD. But I work long hours and travel. Unless you are in private practice, calls are predictable...which means you are not scrambling at the last minute for off hour care. You can at least plan it.

Physicians seem to feel they are uniquely put up on. Complaining that you picked a family unfriendly job that you can't give up due to time spent training and then wishing you were a lawyer (also a job that requires an advanced degree and usually a lot of in the job training early on) is the height of ignorance and lack of respect for the demands of other careers.

OP gets a small pass because she's pregnant and seems to regret her career in general. But she has a lot of options to make changes if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m feel like once your kids are a little older medicine is actually great because there are more flexible options. Part time, different hours, etc.

+1 (although this may vary by specialty)

[Anonymous]

Go work for a health plan.

[Anonymous]

Go on job interviews, and ask if they are family friendly.

There are Federal jobs for doctors for example, which are required to have places to pump and store breast milk.

What about an HMO, like Kaiser.Or a part time job while your kids are young (maybe a job share).

I know that when we are young, it is very hard to anticipate what parenting is like. But now you know, so explore physician jobs that are family friendly . They exist but probably pay less than others. Your kids are only young once, and that phase goes fast.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Maybe I misunderstood my husband’s friends in various fields of law and tech. They seem to have 5-6 months of paid leave (which they all take) then work from home and continue to pump and bond with their babies. The lawyers at my daughters daycare do not miss events and have flexibility. Again they are in all different fields of law (big law, midsize law, in house, government). This post is just a vent post I understand that it is on me to course correct and I will end doing so. Just stinks to train for so long and have nothing to show for it.

I just seems that other white collar jobs have become more flexible and family friendly while medicine falls behind. That’s okay but I think if I understood that beforehand I would have made different choices.

[Anonymous]

I am baffled. What specialty are you in OP? Every md mom I know has great work life balance, usually working part time and still raking in decent money. And I know women ranging from ent to er to family medicine to derm to endocrinology to neurology.

Like are you a surgeon or something? That changes the equation.

[Anonymous]

And people in tech and law do NOT have great work life balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe I misunderstood my husband’s friends in various fields of law and tech. They seem to have 5-6 months of paid leave (which they all take) then work from home and continue to pump and bond with their babies. The lawyers at my daughters daycare do not miss events and have flexibility. Again they are in all different fields of law (big law, midsize law, in house, government). This post is just a vent post I understand that it is on me to course correct and I will end doing so. Just stinks to train for so long and have nothing to show for it.

I just seems that other white collar jobs have become more flexible and family friendly while medicine falls behind. That’s okay but I think if I understood that beforehand I would have made different choices.

OP, you likely need to find a new job in medicine that is more family friendly. I believe there are ways to do this but it is hard to do what you are currently doing while also looking for a job. Please take care of yourself! Mental health comes first. It's really not helpful to look at law or tech, each area has the pitfalls. As noted in this thread, government work has become much more family friendly in the past 3 years. I got zero hours of maternity leave not that long ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe I misunderstood my husband’s friends in various fields of law and tech. They seem to have 5-6 months of paid leave (which they all take) then work from home and continue to pump and bond with their babies. The lawyers at my daughters daycare do not miss events and have flexibility. Again they are in all different fields of law (big law, midsize law, in house, government). This post is just a vent post I understand that it is on me to course correct and I will end doing so. Just stinks to train for so long and have nothing to show for it.

I just seems that other white collar jobs have become more flexible and family friendly while medicine falls behind. That’s okay but I think if I understood that beforehand I would have made different choices.

OP, I think you are selectively seeing what you want to see. Yes, law and tech are more conducive to WFH and pumping. But people in those fields are working during the day, not bonding with their babies. Sure, lack of commute gives them a few more hours in the day. And lack of shift work likely means they can block their calendar to attend a daycare event. But you aren't seeing their long, unpredictable hours. You aren't seeing their travel. You aren't seeing the emails that are blowing up their inbox while they are attending those daycare events.

If you have a professional job, you have demands on your time that seep into your personal life. Most physicians I know actually have the best balance, because most of their job doesn't come home with them.

If you want to make a career change, make one. All highly-educated parents (especially moms) have to make trade-offs between their personal life and maximizing their education/training. And no, absolutely not, physicians aren't special among graduate degree holders in terms of how hard they study, how long they train, how difficult it is, etc. Everyone who is in a demanding jobs worked and studied hard to get there...and some still decide to step back or use their training/knowledge/experience in different ways. Once you get it out of your head that you somehow are uniquely challenged work-life balance-wise and that somehow you worked/trained/studied harder/longer to get where you are, you will be able to see how many options you truly have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And people in tech and law do NOT have great work life balance.

IKR?! I am in tech. I rarely work less than a 10 hour day, and quite often it's 12. I rarely don't put in at least a couple hours on the weekend. Heck, I ended up in a meeting at 6:30AM on Friday, which was supposed to be a company holiday. I travel 20% of the time, though this is less common in tech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe I misunderstood my husband’s friends in various fields of law and tech. They seem to have 5-6 months of paid leave (which they all take) then work from home and continue to pump and bond with their babies. The lawyers at my daughters daycare do not miss events and have flexibility. Again they are in all different fields of law (big law, midsize law, in house, government). This post is just a vent post I understand that it is on me to course correct and I will end doing so. Just stinks to train for so long and have nothing to show for it.

I just seems that other white collar jobs have become more flexible and family friendly while medicine falls behind. That’s okay but I think if I understood that beforehand I would have made different choices.

OP, I think you are selectively seeing what you want to see. Yes, law and tech are more conducive to WFH and pumping. But people in those fields are working during the day, not bonding with their babies. Sure, lack of commute gives them a few more hours in the day. And lack of shift work likely means they can block their calendar to attend a daycare event. But you aren't seeing their long, unpredictable hours. You aren't seeing their travel. You aren't seeing the emails that are blowing up their inbox while they are attending those daycare events.

If you have a professional job, you have demands on your time that seep into your personal life. Most physicians I know actually have the best balance, because most of their job doesn't come home with them.

If you want to make a career change, make one. All highly-educated parents (especially moms) have to make trade-offs between their personal life and maximizing their education/training. And no, absolutely not, physicians aren't special among graduate degree holders in terms of how hard they study, how long they train, how difficult it is, etc. Everyone who is in a demanding jobs worked and studied hard to get there...and some still decide to step back or use their training/knowledge/experience in different ways. Once you get it out of your head that you somehow are uniquely challenged work-life balance-wise and that somehow you worked/trained/studied harder/longer to get where you are, you will be able to see how many options you truly have.

I think there is a misunderstanding of physician work. Unless you truly are an ER doc. Physicians do bring home work and have to write notes and follow up on labs and respond to messages. Inboxes are also blowing up for doctors in the new age of mychart. I’m not sure why people think physicians deal with this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe I misunderstood my husband’s friends in various fields of law and tech. They seem to have 5-6 months of paid leave (which they all take) then work from home and continue to pump and bond with their babies. The lawyers at my daughters daycare do not miss events and have flexibility. Again they are in all different fields of law (big law, midsize law, in house, government). This post is just a vent post I understand that it is on me to course correct and I will end doing so. Just stinks to train for so long and have nothing to show for it.

I just seems that other white collar jobs have become more flexible and family friendly while medicine falls behind. That’s okay but I think if I understood that beforehand I would have made different choices.

OP, I think you are selectively seeing what you want to see. Yes, law and tech are more conducive to WFH and pumping. But people in those fields are working during the day, not bonding with their babies. Sure, lack of commute gives them a few more hours in the day. And lack of shift work likely means they can block their calendar to attend a daycare event. But you aren't seeing their long, unpredictable hours. You aren't seeing their travel. You aren't seeing the emails that are blowing up their inbox while they are attending those daycare events.

If you have a professional job, you have demands on your time that seep into your personal life. Most physicians I know actually have the best balance, because most of their job doesn't come home with them.

If you want to make a career change, make one. All highly-educated parents (especially moms) have to make trade-offs between their personal life and maximizing their education/training. And no, absolutely not, physicians aren't special among graduate degree holders in terms of how hard they study, how long they train, how difficult it is, etc. Everyone who is in a demanding jobs worked and studied hard to get there...and some still decide to step back or use their training/knowledge/experience in different ways. Once you get it out of your head that you somehow are uniquely challenged work-life balance-wise and that somehow you worked/trained/studied harder/longer to get where you are, you will be able to see how many options you truly have.

+1. The face time / in-office hours can be flexible in law (esp. post-pandemic), but you are also bringing home work or doing it late at night. While you can go to school events, that doesn’t change the fact that deadlines are looming, so you’re doing that work some other time — it doesn’t just go away.