Rant: I stupidly picked a career that’s not family friendly

[Anonymous]

I’m in tech and kick myself often for not going into something like medicine or teaching that you can do anywhere and have part time options for! I want to move to a lower cost of living area but most tech jobs are tied to big cities. So thank you for showing me the grass is always greener, OP! I’ve finally secured a fully remote job and am planning to move next year; hopefully you can find something that gives you more time with your babies soon — I am so grateful for what time I can spend with my kids and that my work is such that I can do it with them around if absolutely necessary.

[Anonymous]

What speciality are you? I have many doctors in my family and they ALL have better hours than the three of us who are lawyers. None of them are surgeons but some do procedures. Two of them work part time.

I think you are very wrong if you perceive law as being more family friendly than medicine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither law nor tech is family friendly. Just because they have generous leave doesn't mean they don't look down on women having life balance.

+1

Your career will suffer if you take the time off that is offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What speciality are you? I have many doctors in my family and they ALL have better hours than the three of us who are lawyers. None of them are surgeons but some do procedures. Two of them work part time.

I think you are very wrong if you perceive law as being more family friendly than medicine.

Yeah dermatologist is the way to go because procedures are mostly out of pocket and some women burn through their husbands money.

You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am in law. If it makes you feel better OP, while the mat leave is great, there’s so much work outside of “regular” work hours, and a lot of travel too, which is hard.

That does make me feel a bit better. Though in medicine we have a lot of off hours as well. My husband is in law and has a really really nice set up so I feel it acutely everyday.

I think I’m most sad about missing out on the bonding most people have with their babies. Again it was my choice to pick such an intense career so I get the PP who says to just quite whining.

For those who say part time, I guess it depends on the field of medicine but in my work it’s not cost effective to allow for part time. I think I need to leave medicine but just feels like a waste of all this time training.

I’m conflicted on what to tell my daughters- go big like I was taught or should you be realistic and pick a family friendly career to begin with. Not sure the answer.

You could have also picked a specialty that was more family friendly. My mother is a pathologist and it seems like she had an ideal lifestyle for raising a family. You were aware of these issues and made a choice- you didn’t make a wrong choice, you just made a choice you have some unhappiness about. It’s understandable but medicine is a great field. If your husband is well compensated AND has flexibility he has a unicorn job and you should just be happy about it. I am a lawyer and often wish I were a doctor!

But it’s so much easier to become a lawyer than a doctor? More challenging getting into medical school than law school, more challenging to complete the long training required of physicians, etc!

[Anonymous]

Op here- curious what fields of medicine everyone friends/ family in medicine seem to work only 1 day a week? Most jobs won’t hire you for such a small amount as that doesn’t even cover malpractice. Even in more traditionally more family friend fields like primary care, the work load has balloon such that even working part time= full time for most job with all the patient messages and documentation etc. My field, OB-GYN is very difficult to practice part time.

Also, I’m wondering why people think law is not family friendly? Just out of curiosity as my husband’s career as a government lawyer has been a fantastic balance and I find it hard to replicate in medicine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am in law. If it makes you feel better OP, while the mat leave is great, there’s so much work outside of “regular” work hours, and a lot of travel too, which is hard.

That does make me feel a bit better. Though in medicine we have a lot of off hours as well. My husband is in law and has a really really nice set up so I feel it acutely everyday.

I think I’m most sad about missing out on the bonding most people have with their babies. Again it was my choice to pick such an intense career so I get the PP who says to just quite whining.

For those who say part time, I guess it depends on the field of medicine but in my work it’s not cost effective to allow for part time. I think I need to leave medicine but just feels like a waste of all this time training.

I’m conflicted on what to tell my daughters- go big like I was taught or should you be realistic and pick a family friendly career to begin with. Not sure the answer.

It sounds like maybe it's an issue of which specialty you picked and also managing the young years...but I have to say. Across the board I know of no high paying profession that has it as good as physicians in terms of hours and flexibility to go part time and later return full time without travel or unpredictable off hours (except in solo practice, calls are usually scheduled). And I know of no profession that complains as much as physicians about how hard they work. (Seriously. Both my parents are physicians. When I told one of their physician friends I was getting a PhD, his response was, "Not medicine? Oh, you don't want to work hard.")

Honestly, you have lots of options. Twelve weeks maternity leave is a lot more tha many people get. Even highly educated, highly paid professionals. You don't want to go part time for financial reasons, but you can and still keep your career. For many professions, there is no turning back.

You didn't have the experience with DC1 you wanted. So change it for DC2...even if it costs you something. I am in tech now. I chose a lower paying, WFH job when I had DC2 so I could EBF etc. It was a huge career risk for me. I've worked my way back, but there was no guarantee I would. In medicine, no one would have questioned my creds as long as my license was up to date. You have options. Use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- curious what fields of medicine everyone friends/ family in medicine seem to work only 1 day a week? Most jobs won’t hire you for such a small amount as that doesn’t even cover malpractice. Even in more traditionally more family friend fields like primary care, the work load has balloon such that even working part time= full time for most job with all the patient messages and documentation etc. My field, OB-GYN is very difficult to practice part time.

Also, I’m wondering why people think law is not family friendly? Just out of curiosity as my husband’s career as a government lawyer has been a fantastic balance and I find it hard to replicate in medicine.

This is the operative adjective — most lawyers aren’t in government. Government is family friendly; law in general is not.

I don’t actually know anyone in medicine super closely as a peer but I think my “medicine doesn’t have to be crazy hours” sense is more informed by friends growing up whose parents were in family practice/peds or nurses. Which may not be accurate! I’m in tech and laughed at your idea that it’s family friendly although I take your point about the option for leave. I think different aspects of different careers are family friendly in different ways.

[Anonymous]

What specialty are you in? My sister is a dermatologist, her husband is a radiologist. They make bank and have a pretty chill lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

I find it ironic the least “family friendly” jobs are most family friendly

[Anonymous]

I'd say join a concierge practice for a few years until you are done having and bonding with babies. Seems like they are a lot more laid back and flexible than your typical practices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- curious what fields of medicine everyone friends/ family in medicine seem to work only 1 day a week? Most jobs won’t hire you for such a small amount as that doesn’t even cover malpractice. Even in more traditionally more family friend fields like primary care, the work load has balloon such that even working part time= full time for most job with all the patient messages and documentation etc. My field, OB-GYN is very difficult to practice part time.

Also, I’m wondering why people think law is not family friendly? Just out of curiosity as my husband’s career as a government lawyer has been a fantastic balance and I find it hard to replicate in medicine.

This is the operative adjective — most lawyers aren’t in government. Government is family friendly; law in general is not.

I don’t actually know anyone in medicine super closely as a peer but I think my “medicine doesn’t have to be crazy hours” sense is more informed by friends growing up whose parents were in family practice/peds or nurses. Which may not be accurate! I’m in tech and laughed at your idea that it’s family friendly although I take your point about the option for leave. I think different aspects of different careers are family friendly in different ways.

Even this is very recent, in terms of paid parental leave. It's only been available for government employees since October 2020, barely over 3 years. The hours aren't as crazy in terms of overtime as in some fields, but six months is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

In medicine, too. Not family-friendly. Exhausted. Patients are exhausting. Insurance is exhausting. Electronic records are exhausting. I’d take my exhausting toddler over any of it any day. Agree that medicine is a terrible choice if you want balance. I had unpaid leave when my toddler was born. My friends in law are just as regretful of their life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here- curious what fields of medicine everyone friends/ family in medicine seem to work only 1 day a week? Most jobs won’t hire you for such a small amount as that doesn’t even cover malpractice. Even in more traditionally more family friend fields like primary care, the work load has balloon such that even working part time= full time for most job with all the patient messages and documentation etc. My field, OB-GYN is very difficult to practice part time.

Also, I’m wondering why people think law is not family friendly? Just out of curiosity as my husband’s career as a government lawyer has been a fantastic balance and I find it hard to replicate in medicine.

Your husband also makes a fraction of your salary. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Come on y'all this is not rocket science. You can take a HUGE paycut and get a more family-friendly job. If you are making a lot of money, it's not family-friendly.