Rant: I stupidly picked a career that’s not family friendly

[Anonymous]

I have several physician friends who have the same complaint. I would strongly encourage you to go PT or academia. Maybe a hospitalist? Can you afford the pay cut?

I’m an in house lawyer, and I’ll only admit on an anonymous forum like this, that I am so jealous of my female peers who stayed at big firms and are making high six figures as partners. Sigh. But I know that the reason things often work out for those women is because they have a partner with a very flexible, low intensity job, and that person manages family life.

You can’t have it all Op. It sucks, but it’s true.

[Anonymous]

Look into working for the FDA or something with shift work (ER, urgent care, possibly hospitalist) where when you are off you are off.
I’m not sure if the balance is better, but worth checking into insurance companies or pharma like AZ in Gaithersburg.

Government jobs at NIH like something like managing programs for NCI in Shady Grove where you use your knowledge/credentials but it’s office hours.

[Anonymous]

Apologies my post above was garbled. I’m typing quickly on my phone!

[Anonymous]

All the mom doctors I know are part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am in law. If it makes you feel better OP, while the mat leave is great, there’s so much work outside of “regular” work hours, and a lot of travel too, which is hard.

That does make me feel a bit better. Though in medicine we have a lot of off hours as well. My husband is in law and has a really really nice set up so I feel it acutely everyday.

I think I’m most sad about missing out on the bonding most people have with their babies. Again it was my choice to pick such an intense career so I get the PP who says to just quite whining.

For those who say part time, I guess it depends on the field of medicine but in my work it’s not cost effective to allow for part time. I think I need to leave medicine but just feels like a waste of all this time training.

I’m conflicted on what to tell my daughters- go big like I was taught or should you be realistic and pick a family friendly career to begin with. Not sure the answer.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here. Can't take my leave. Too busy, and have an obligation to clients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am in law. If it makes you feel better OP, while the mat leave is great, there’s so much work outside of “regular” work hours, and a lot of travel too, which is hard.

That does make me feel a bit better. Though in medicine we have a lot of off hours as well. My husband is in law and has a really really nice set up so I feel it acutely everyday.

I think I’m most sad about missing out on the bonding most people have with their babies. Again it was my choice to pick such an intense career so I get the PP who says to just quite whining.

For those who say part time, I guess it depends on the field of medicine but in my work it’s not cost effective to allow for part time. I think I need to leave medicine but just feels like a waste of all this time training.

I’m conflicted on what to tell my daughters- go big like I was taught or should you be realistic and pick a family friendly career to begin with. Not sure the answer.

You could have also picked a specialty that was more family friendly. My mother is a pathologist and it seems like she had an ideal lifestyle for raising a family. You were aware of these issues and made a choice- you didn’t make a wrong choice, you just made a choice you have some unhappiness about. It’s understandable but medicine is a great field. If your husband is well compensated AND has flexibility he has a unicorn job and you should just be happy about it. I am a lawyer and often wish I were a doctor!

[Anonymous]

I left an intense career to take AMI Montessori training. The elementary curriculum for ages 6-12 is actually very fascinating and keeps me intellectually stimulated. The school schedule is great for a mom. It’s a small private school with well-behaved students. I don’t miss oncology at all!

[Anonymous]

If you are in the DMV, you have options. Many MDs work in health policy or for pharmaceutical companies. Some of those MDs also do shift work as mentioned above and what about Kaiser? I was temporarily there and met a physician who sold her practice to work with Kaiser for work-life balance.

[Anonymous]

Your income would take a hit in the first year or two but you could do a fellowship and start a lobbying career.

https://winstonfellowship.org/health-policy-fellowship/
https://www.aaas.org/programs/science-technology-policy-fellowships

There's one just for MDs but I"m blanking on the name.

[Anonymous]

^^ sorry, "policy" career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s strange because some articles claim medicine is a family friendly career, for the ability to work part-time. I know women physicians that work just one or two days per week. Of course that assumes they have a partner working full time.

I used to work in a hospital with plenty of 2-physician couples. It wasn’t uncommon for one spouse to have a big job while the other went part-time. ER is also good. You can work 3 shifts a week and have the rest of the time off.

Yep, a lot of mothers who are physicians work urgent care or ER because you can take 2 or 3 shifts a week and have the rest off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I should have considered this more when choosing a career. I graduated during the recession so picked medicine because you can always have a job. But now, I see my friends in law and tech who get 5-6 months paid maternity leave and get to work from home and pump. Meanwhile, I have to fight to get 12 weeks and I work such long hours that I never bonded well with my first baby. Pumping is an inconvenience so I will likely end up formula feeding again (which is fine but I wish I could have more ability to do exclusive breastfeeding.) I should switch
careers but I feel trapped since I trained so long to do this. Just wish I had understood this decision more prior to making it.

I thought people went into medicine to help
other people.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

The grass is always greener OP. I went into law and got zero maternity leave with the federal government (although we do have 12 weeks now). My college roommate is a surgeon who makes SO MUCH MONEY working part time. Has hired all the help in the world. She did have to go back to work after just 6 weeks with a couple of her kids but that’s a short phase in the grand scheme of things. She has 4 kids. I have 1.

[Anonymous]

Are you a doctor? Because I have come across many in private practice (ob/gyn especially) who work part-time.