Bill Splitting Etiquette (Happy Hour)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

This is a really classist way of looking at things. I’m a public interest attorney. Many of my friends work for big law firms. I want to see them. I want to hang out. I’m happy to go where they want but only order something cheap and just pay for myself. You are basically telling me I should t hang out with my friends because I cannot afford to. It’s bizarre to me that you’d rather NOT see a friend if they can’t afford to subsidize your meal or drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

it seems like this is not the group to hang with if they see you only had one drink and stick you with a $40 contribution. When this happens to me, my friends insist that i contribute less. I generally would not care if I pay more than my share because it evens out over time, but if they are regularly getting 3 or 4 drinks and you are regularly getting one drink or a soda, it seems like they are taking advantage of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

They are colleagues who want to have a working dinner. How do I avoid that?

It's one thing to pay an extra $10 or so. It's another thing to pay an extra $50.

The "cheap" ones are the ones who are perfectly content to allow someone else to subsidize them. When you order $100 worth of drinks and food and only have to pay $60-$70, who is the cheap one?

[Anonymous]

Your friends are cheap and taking advantage. Next time just give cash you think is appropriate and leave. Say something like: "I think $15 should cover it. Bye!"

[Anonymous]

I chalk this up to cost of friendship. Skip these events if you only plan to have water and bread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like, almost everybody, said, get your checks, separately, pay, and leave early. For what it’s worth in my group of friends in the situation that you described, you would’ve been told- “Oh my goodness you only had one drink! I hope you can hang out longer next time. of course we covered it don’t worry about it.” And it would have been the truth.

This would be my group too. I just don't understand groups like the ones described here but maybe they are all busy and don't notice details.

[Anonymous]

As soon as you get there let the organizer know you can only stay an hour… “ just wanted to stop by for an hour to say hello to everyone…. I’m going to grab a drink at the bar so I only have one drink, and can leave on time… smile!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

They are colleagues who want to have a working dinner. How do I avoid that?

It's one thing to pay an extra $10 or so. It's another thing to pay an extra $50.

The "cheap" ones are the ones who are perfectly content to allow someone else to subsidize them. When you order $100 worth of drinks and food and only have to pay $60-$70, who is the cheap one?

Someone expenses it. That one is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

In this situation, I have let several different people know I checked out before leaving.

I’ve also had to pay for two bottles of wine I never drank, etc. I stopped going out to eat with that friend for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

OP here - but I'm not making it complicated if I pay my portion immediately when I order my drink. It would be different if I did it when the bill arrived and I got my abacus out.

Did you partake in the apps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the whole "split it equally concept.

I don't drink anything harder than Diet Coke and due to severe food allergies, I rarely eat anything more than a salad when I go out to eat. One of my groups of colleagues drinks multiple drinks and eat multi-course meals when we go out. They always want to split the bill equally, which can easily be $75+/person. Usually, my portion is more like $10-$15, so even with a tip, I cost no more than $20. I resent paying an extra $50+ to subsidize them.

I get that it's annoying to pay for someone's lobster if you're ordering an appetizer, but if an adult makes bill time complicated by stating they should pay less, that person won't be invited out much longer. It reads as cheap and overly complicated. You might not want to go out with groups for dinner if you're just going to order salad and be all annoyed about it?

They are colleagues who want to have a working dinner. How do I avoid that?

It's one thing to pay an extra $10 or so. It's another thing to pay an extra $50.

The "cheap" ones are the ones who are perfectly content to allow someone else to subsidize them. When you order $100 worth of drinks and food and only have to pay $60-$70, who is the cheap one?

Someone expenses it. That one is easy.

Not so easy anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

I agree with this. If you were only planning to sip water why did you agree to come to a happy hour / drink situation? Did you think you were there to workout?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Wow. Are you 12?

And actually, the “cheap” people here are the ones trying to get OP to subsidize what THEY chose to eat and drink.

Wow. Are you easily triggered?
Don't go out with them if you can't afford it.

Ew. I'm glad I'm not friends with you. You sound like a total a$$h@le

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hold on....
I hear it!
Do you hear it?......
(Cheap...Cheap...Cheap...Cheap).
The little birdies all are calling out your names! 😂

Oh here's the DB who orders a ton of drinks and doesn't want to pay their own bill. Who's the cheap one? It's you. Pay for your own food and drink, why is it cheap of that other person to not want to fund your addiction?

Meh, NP and I tend to agree (and I’m not cheap! I’m the one who usually just picks up the check to avoid discomfort for the party and trouble for the server when I sense this kind of situation is brewing, and I like treating my friends when I can)

Like, I get that OP and everyone is well within their right to order a Diet Coke and a salad and pay only for that. I’m not going to talk crap or anything or insist you cough up more money. But causing complications at the end of the evening is a buzzkill and makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s gauche to me. Maybe it’s just that I come from a family/culture where it’s not polite to talk about money like this and people perform ridiculous stunts fighting to pick up the check. It’s also strange and frankly somewhat rude to sip water or a soda when everyone else came to have drinks and apps. If I wasn’t going to partake in a social event involving food and drinks like happy hour or couldn’t afford it I would decline the invitation, and if for some reason I ended up not eating or drinking much like OP I wouldn’t balk at paying more than my share. It’s just part of being out with friends. This seems to be a very unpopular opinion though.

In any case, the best way to handle this is ahead of time; either let the server know you’ll be on a separate check or pay for your drinks at the bar. Or stop caring what people think of you and decline the venmo request and send only what you owe. Throwing down just enough cash or venmoing the host doesn’t work if everyone else decided to split it, and then everyone will be annoyed at you for causing a headache.

I agree with this. If you were only planning to sip water why did you agree to come to a happy hour / drink situation? Did you think you were there to workout?

Because she wanted to see her friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?

Good lord, all this passive aggressive, "I need to make sure they notice that I am paying" nonsense.

Use your words, OP. It'll be OK.