Bill Splitting Etiquette (Happy Hour)

[Anonymous]

This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

[Anonymous]

Pay your portion before you leave. Why is this a question?

[Anonymous]

Pay the server directly for your drink (and tip!) before you leave. Tell the group you cashed out already.

[Anonymous]

I hate those people who expect others to pay for their excess. Throw down a $20 and skedaddle. $40 is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

You're entirely within your right to insist on paying your portion before you leave.

Is it the same organizer? Better nip it in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're entirely within your right to insist on paying your portion before you leave.

Is it the same organizer? Better nip it in the bud.

It is the same organizer. Okay so I'm not off base by being upset and puzzled by this, good to know. I really enjoy this group of friends but never expected that kind money request.

[Anonymous]

Perfectly acceptable. You can also pay the server directly for your part that way they can't come back to you for $ since your won't be on their bill. I do this when I'm the first to leave in a big group.

I'd be in the latter group and would no way expect you to pay the same amount. You pay for what you ate/drank.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me once years ago, I was newly pregnant with my first child (very newly, I hadn’t told anyone yet), and went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday with about 10 people, some I didn’t know. I couldn’t eat anything, I had one seltzer, and left early, because I was very ill (soon after I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum). As I left, I gave one of the organizers $50 to cover my drink and a portion of the birthday girls evening. Later, she and several others gave me major flack for “skipping out on paying when they had all eaten and drunk and incredible amount”, they all paid about $100 each toward the evening and I expect the $45 I contributed toward the birthday girl was more than anyone else had. Perhaps I should’ve just declined the invitation but when I received it I didn’t know I was pregnant and I wasn’t sick yet, and it seemed ruder to cancel day of. It really soured me on those friendships, and now, 15 years later, I am not friends with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Do your own tan and pay it and close it before you leave. Better yet, order your drink and whatever you else’s and then pay for it on the spot. Meaning don’t leave a tab ipen, just ask for the bill. Say, “I’d like X on a separate tab and if you could bring me the bill for that as well that would be great.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate those people who expect others to pay for their excess. Throw down a $20 and skedaddle. $40 is ridiculous.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your own tan and pay it and close it before you leave. Better yet, order your drink and whatever you else’s and then pay for it on the spot. Meaning don’t leave a tab ipen, just ask for the bill. Say, “I’d like X on a separate tab and if you could bring me the bill for that as well that would be great.”

Thanks this makes sense to just ask for the bill as soon as I order, so basically close out my bill immediately as I know I won't be having more than one drink.

[Anonymous]

I've come to love places that you order through a QR code for groups like this. Then everyone has their own tab and can order whatever and whenever they want. If its one person's special occasion I directly ask them right away what they want and put it on my tab. Then you can close out and leave whenever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question will probably get me some negative comments but I'm okay with it because I truly want to know the correct etiquette for this scenario.

I'm heading out for happy hour tonight with a group of 7 friends, all are women. I am a lightweight, one and done and I like to get out of there early because I have two small children at home. The others in the group have more like 3-4 drinks, and linger for a while. No judgement there just trying to provide detail for my question. The last time we got together I had one drink (no food), and and left early. The rest of the group as I mentioned lingered for another hour or so, had appetizers + more drinks. As I was leaving I offered to pay the organizer of the group for my (1) drink + tip ($15), she said not to worry she would just get it from me later via Venmo. The next day I get a text from her that I owed her $40. I was a little surprised but didn't say anything as I didn't want to seem cheap or ungenerous. That said this really bothered me afterwards as clearly I had paid for a portion of everyone else's drinks and appetizers for the entire evening while I was home with my kids, and they were still at happy hour. My question is how do I handle this tonight. Do I insist on paying my portion before I leave, or let it go and just expect another $40 venmo request.

Go ahead, flame away I can take it.

Ask for a separate check. I learned the hard way after being soaked for over $100 when I had only had one drink and a salad..

[Anonymous]

Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate check, or just get your drink at the bar and close out immediately.

OP here - but I think the problem with me getting my drink at the bar is that it won't be obvious that I've already paid if that makes sense. I think I need to do the transaction at the table so others can see "oh she already paid". Right?