DD only kid in her friend group not invited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

I am not quite at 100 teen parties yet but we are the hang out house. My kid is very social and would invite everyone and their friends and anyone who wants to come if I let him. We have kids at our house multiple times per week. I tell him he can have X people. Recently he left out a kid because of the max limit I gave him and I found out that the kid was upset and then left my son out. I realized they were on a FaceTime call and I said that my son wanted to invite him over this past weekend but I said no to too many people and that I was sorry. Now friend group in tact again.

You couldn't add ONE KID? You're part of the problem, mom.

Clap back. I agree 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

This, left out happens. If OP's DD was a core friend, the group out stick up for her. Her still being excluded means she isn't core.

I think the fear is the other girls who stick up for the excluded girl will be left out next. I see mostly the parents or kids don't want to be left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

This, left out happens. If OP's DD was a core friend, the group out stick up for her. Her still being excluded means she isn't core.

Core friend mom has joined the group chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

This, left out happens. If OP's DD was a core friend, the group out stick up for her. Her still being excluded means she isn't core.

Core friend mom has joined the group chat.

It’s so cringy, isn’t it?

Let me guess that she was momengineering this grouping to her liking since 1st grade.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it looks like the parents lack empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it looks like the parents lack empathy.

And so do the kids now.

My kids roll their eyes but I always say “what if you were in their shoes” and I am talking about kids who have made big mistakes too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

I am not quite at 100 teen parties yet but we are the hang out house. My kid is very social and would invite everyone and their friends and anyone who wants to come if I let him. We have kids at our house multiple times per week. I tell him he can have X people. Recently he left out a kid because of the max limit I gave him and I found out that the kid was upset and then left my son out. I realized they were on a FaceTime call and I said that my son wanted to invite him over this past weekend but I said no to too many people and that I was sorry. Now friend group in tact again.

You couldn't add ONE KID? You're part of the problem, mom.

We live in a large house house so technically we can host a lot of people. Yes, I often limit my kid on who he can invite. This kid is my middle kid and he has too many friends. I’m not letting him invite his best friends from fourth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade, new friends from middle school, basketball team, soccer team, etc. So he can take turns hosting different friends and friend groups.

My other two kids have smaller friend groups and I never have this problem.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I think popular kids have many friends and may leave people out sometimes, not to be mean but may just not think of them at that very moment. A lot of hangouts are spontaneous. My kid is often included in all groups but there are also on edge kids who are kind of part of the group but not always.

My other kids just have far fewer plans. One child might hang out once a month. Other child I have to initiate everything. She is still young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

This, left out happens. If OP's DD was a core friend, the group out stick up for her. Her still being excluded means she isn't core.

Core friend mom has joined the group chat.

It’s so cringy, isn’t it?

Let me guess that she was momengineering this grouping to her liking since 1st grade.

I am not pp. I think most kids have one or two favorites, then there are different friend groups that overlap. Starting in upper elementary, kids seem to stop liking and/or getting annoyed at one another. Friend groups are fluid.

My kid definitely had a core friend group in 5th/6th. Kids drift apart. Kids have different interests. They may argue.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old has a lot of friends, this year she wanted to take friends to a concert for her birthday so we had to limit the party to a small group due to cost. Lots of hurt feelings all around, I think next year we’ll have tons of friends at our house if we do anything.

[Anonymous]

It’s cringey what pp sait but also probably true.

I have two kids - 8th and 10th. The 8th grader has a tight small group and leaving out one kid would be mean and deliberate.

My 10th grader is popular and has so many circles of friends, with a lot of overlap. She has her right inner circle but I could totally see one of the outer circle kids getting missed. Parents of less social kids may not realize they aren’t inner circle….they just see that most of their kids socializing is with certain kids, but that doesn’t always mean that is their close friend, it’s just a kid like mine who invites a lot.

My 10th grader has a lot of annoying qualities and can be very dramatic but one of her best qualities is that she’s very inclusive and “more the merrier”. She recently had a 16th birthday party that grew very large and her list of people who couldn’t come was very short and very specific (ex boyfriend, 2 former friends who screwed her over, and one kinda friend who drinks too much at parties). Anyone who didn’t come but is her friend or sorta friend just didn’t ask her and she might have just assumed they were coming or knew. Trust me, after Saturday I wish she was a little less welcoming. So maybe there wasn’t a formal invite and it’s not some mean girls plot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cringey what pp sait but also probably true.

I have two kids - 8th and 10th. The 8th grader has a tight small group and leaving out one kid would be mean and deliberate.

My 10th grader is popular and has so many circles of friends, with a lot of overlap. She has her right inner circle but I could totally see one of the outer circle kids getting missed. Parents of less social kids may not realize they aren’t inner circle….they just see that most of their kids socializing is with certain kids, but that doesn’t always mean that is their close friend, it’s just a kid like mine who invites a lot.

My 10th grader has a lot of annoying qualities and can be very dramatic but one of her best qualities is that she’s very inclusive and “more the merrier”. She recently had a 16th birthday party that grew very large and her list of people who couldn’t come was very short and very specific (ex boyfriend, 2 former friends who screwed her over, and one kinda friend who drinks too much at parties). Anyone who didn’t come but is her friend or sorta friend just didn’t ask her and she might have just assumed they were coming or knew. Trust me, after Saturday I wish she was a little less welcoming. So maybe there wasn’t a formal invite and it’s not some mean girls plot.

Oh gosh you need to get your own life. Truly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend "group" does not have definite members. Imo there is no group. Every single girl has other friends you're just choosing not to acknowledge.

Yes this is so true. All these parents posting about their kids’ “friend groups” are nutty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend "group" does not have definite members. Imo there is no group. Every single girl has other friends you're just choosing not to acknowledge.

Yes this is so true. All these parents posting about their kids’ “friend groups” are nutty.

Many kids eat lunch with the same group every day. For many that is their "friend group." Heck, at some schools they require you to pick your table and stick with it. Thankfully my kids are no longer at that school, but I don't know how much of an outlier it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cringey what pp sait but also probably true.

I have two kids - 8th and 10th. The 8th grader has a tight small group and leaving out one kid would be mean and deliberate.

My 10th grader is popular and has so many circles of friends, with a lot of overlap. She has her right inner circle but I could totally see one of the outer circle kids getting missed. Parents of less social kids may not realize they aren’t inner circle….they just see that most of their kids socializing is with certain kids, but that doesn’t always mean that is their close friend, it’s just a kid like mine who invites a lot.

My 10th grader has a lot of annoying qualities and can be very dramatic but one of her best qualities is that she’s very inclusive and “more the merrier”. She recently had a 16th birthday party that grew very large and her list of people who couldn’t come was very short and very specific (ex boyfriend, 2 former friends who screwed her over, and one kinda friend who drinks too much at parties). Anyone who didn’t come but is her friend or sorta friend just didn’t ask her and she might have just assumed they were coming or knew. Trust me, after Saturday I wish she was a little less welcoming. So maybe there wasn’t a formal invite and it’s not some mean girls plot.

You are still that involved in your 8th and 10th graders friend groups? Weird.