DD only kid in her friend group not invited

[Anonymous]

My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at a Halloween party and one of her close friends wasn’t invited. While it’s true that hosts can’t invite everyone it does feel like some are particularly slighted. In this situation, the one girl is often excluded because the Queen B of the group has taken a disliking to her. She finds her “embarrassing.” The truth is the girl shines brighter than everyone, has a dynamic vivacious personality and will thrive in life.

Oh I know a kid like this.
Likely the most interesting kid in the group but often left out because one girl decided she didn't like her.

[Anonymous]

When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

More importantly, kids have been gravely injured or died at out of control teen parties. I recall a deck collapse at a party when I was in HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

EXACTLY!!!

Be the girl that asks if the other girl can come. And if it’s a no, you stay home and watch movies with that friend instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

My daughter and her fiends are frequently invited to parties, but the people who host them are outside of their immediate friend group. If two of the girls are invited, but the other two aren’t, the invited girls WILL ask if they can bring other friends. Sometimes the hosts say sure! Other times they’ll say no.

That’s also rude. If you are invited to a party you don’t ask to bring a guest. Teach your kids manners.

No. If you have a friend with nothing to do, it's absolutely OK and definitely kind to ask if you can bring her along. The host may not allow it, but kindness is never the rude thing. Be the includer, not the excluder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

This, left out happens. If OP's DD was a core friend, the group out stick up for her. Her still being excluded means she isn't core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is at a Halloween party and one of her close friends wasn’t invited. While it’s true that hosts can’t invite everyone it does feel like some are particularly slighted. In this situation, the one girl is often excluded because the Queen B of the group has taken a disliking to her. She finds her “embarrassing.” The truth is the girl shines brighter than everyone, has a dynamic vivacious personality and will thrive in life.

Oh I know a kid like this.
Likely the most interesting kid in the group but often left out because one girl decided she didn't like her.

+1 NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

I am not quite at 100 teen parties yet but we are the hang out house. My kid is very social and would invite everyone and their friends and anyone who wants to come if I let him. We have kids at our house multiple times per week. I tell him he can have X people. Recently he left out a kid because of the max limit I gave him and I found out that the kid was upset and then left my son out. I realized they were on a FaceTime call and I said that my son wanted to invite him over this past weekend but I said no to too many people and that I was sorry. Now friend group in tact again.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for all the comments. DD found out about the party because all her friends kept asking her what her costume was, so then she had to answer with, "what party?" So it became well known she wasn't invited. We had a great day out yesterday, and DD seems ready to move on, and she plans to sit with different friends at lunch today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

I am not quite at 100 teen parties yet but we are the hang out house. My kid is very social and would invite everyone and their friends and anyone who wants to come if I let him. We have kids at our house multiple times per week. I tell him he can have X people. Recently he left out a kid because of the max limit I gave him and I found out that the kid was upset and then left my son out. I realized they were on a FaceTime call and I said that my son wanted to invite him over this past weekend but I said no to too many people and that I was sorry. Now friend group in tact again.

You couldn't add ONE KID? You're part of the problem, mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teen had a Halloween party last night. She tried to invite as many friends as she could but I had to set a very strict limit because teens are crazy, don’t listen and it can spiral quickly out of control. She felt terrible and had to exclude an entire group of friends because if she invited one from that high school, they’d all show up. She also had to tell people no bringing friends. 25 extra kids showed up anyway, I was grateful it wasn’t 100. The problem is snap map, they can see where the party is and univited kids just show up.

Maybe explain to her that viewpoint? Parents have been arrested and reputations ruined over out of control teen parties. At some point, you have to say no and it still won’t work.

That said, I am so very sorry for your daughter. My kid has been on the other side in her shoes not being invited many times and knows the pain which is how she ended up with so many kids at our house. My heart hurts for her. Also trust that you don’t want your kids at some of these parties. I won’t be letting mine throw another one. Sometimes not going is a blessing in disguise.

I am not quite at 100 teen parties yet but we are the hang out house. My kid is very social and would invite everyone and their friends and anyone who wants to come if I let him. We have kids at our house multiple times per week. I tell him he can have X people. Recently he left out a kid because of the max limit I gave him and I found out that the kid was upset and then left my son out. I realized they were on a FaceTime call and I said that my son wanted to invite him over this past weekend but I said no to too many people and that I was sorry. Now friend group in tact again.

You couldn't add ONE KID? You're part of the problem, mom.

Exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the comments. DD found out about the party because all her friends kept asking her what her costume was, so then she had to answer with, "what party?" So it became well known she wasn't invited. We had a great day out yesterday, and DD seems ready to move on, and she plans to sit with different friends at lunch today.

Ok so it’s sound like they truly didn’t know at first but as soon as they found out, not one asked the host if you could go? That sucks. I am sry OP. I hope she enjoys sitting with a new group.

I will say if the previous group shows remorse and seems sincere, maybe give them one more chance.

I just wish more girls would be stronger for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She should’ve just asked if she could go nobody would care weirdo

Do you know nothing of teen girl relationships?

Well, I did raise four of them

That’s surprising because as someone else with older girls, I agree with PP. If she was excluded for a reason the worst thing she could do is ask if she could come.

She knows if she was excluded for a reason.

She may not know.
1) Crazy rumors float around among girls and sometimes separately among moms that can cause exclusion without the person who is the subject ever knowing.
2) Another guest might have a one-sided beef with her and have refused to come if OP’s DD was invited. At this age, it is often about perceived romantic rivalry, but it could be anything.
3) Queen Bees are savvy and know that exclusion is easier and less likely to carry consequences than other forms of bullying. “You aren’t inviting Larla, right? I CAN’T if she’s coming. I mean, seriously.”

Ugh to number 3.

4) Sometimes groups use exclusion to bond more closely. The problem with these kind of cliques is that you never know who will be next.

This # 4 exactly happened to my daughter. It is sad and the girls and some parents don't realise what they are doing to the child. Horrible behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the other girls don’t stick up for the one girl, it’s time to change friend groups

So true