when the grandparents leave

[Anonymous]

My parents head south for the winter but we do see them over the holidays and visit them in the spring. During the summer they live very close to us and they become immediate family. They babysit, take the kids for sleepovers , go swimming with them and tons of other things. I hate when they leave but I understand why. They hate the cold, the kids are in school so they would be bored to death. But I’m lucky that for half the year we are just one big family.

[Anonymous]

People have kids later. I am 61 and my daughter I was carpooling to game tonight is 16.

By time she has kids could be 20 years from now. I am really supposed to help raise grandkids in my 80s and 90s

[Anonymous]

As long as your parents don't expect you to care for them in their far away place, it's fine. You're not going to have time to fly out and stay for very long anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my parents are moving cross country, away from their kids and young grandkids, who currently all reside within a 50 mile radius. ostensibly to retire to a lower COL place and ‘enjoy life.’ they live an expensive lifestyle and could have just downsized here. my own relationship with them has been strained over the years, but I do feel sad for the grandkids. it feels a bit like mourning their deaths as I don’t expect we’ll see each other much if at all. hoping to hear from others who have gone through something similar.

Is it a place they have always wanted to live?

We came here for jobs and when we retire we want to move to a climate that is better for us and where we have some family and friends. Are we supposed to suck it up, again, and stay because our children are here? They are at the beginning of their careers and no long term partner in sight. Who knows if they will stay in the area. Is it ok if we leave, since there are no grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Have you always had a quid pro quo relationship with family or others in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Have you always had a quid pro quo relationship with family or others in your life?

It’s called boundaries. Try it sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

Have you always had a quid pro quo relationship with family or others in your life?

It’s called boundaries. Try it sometime.

no it’s not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems there's a rise of grandparents who really don't want to take care of little kids, even just for a weekend. At least this is what I'm seeing a lot in my various circles. They're more tired and less tolerant than what I remember grandparents being like when I was a kid.

Do you think they want to more fully check out, or at least give themselves a simpler reason to not be involved?

It’s not their role to take care of little kids. That’s the role of parents.

And of course this generation of grandparents are more tired. Retirement ages have pushed back significantly. Gone are the days of retirement pay starting between 50-55. And when their kids don’t start having kids until they are late 30s, grandparents are much older too.

Disagree. I actually have read articles where scientists hypothesize that menopause is so that human women have time to focus on their grandchildren and helping them (ensuring that their family line goes on) instead of continuing to have children. Most mammals don't have menopause.

It might not be the role of grandparents now to take care of grandkids, but don't pretend that wasn't their role for centuries. Not to 100% babysit grandkids, but to assist and help while the moms did the major chores and had babies.

I've seen a lot of grandparents arrive right after a new grandchild's birth, take lots of photos, expect for the new mom and dad to cook for them and host them in their guest room, entertain them, and then they leave.

Nope
That is not the role of grandparents. You seem
Very transactional. How about developing a bond instead of looking to see what the parents can get out if it. Plus, parenting is not the dole responsibility of MOMS!
Also, can you read? People are having babies later, people are working longer , which means grandparents are often older. SO THEY ARE TIRED!!!!
Give folks a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

PP:

As clearly stated in the post, these grandparents are involved in child care and are putting their health at risk. Whether that is appropriate or not, is their choice. Hope your parents are not around to help since you obviously couldn't care less about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were a grandparent of the kids of a DCUM mom I’d never want to help any of you either. You’re all so nasty when it comes to your parents. You don’t deserve their help.

Same. So much complaining about their "toxic" parents; this forum is dominated by whining adult children.

That said, we are happy to be able to help with some child care and desire to build relations with our grandchildren. What has been tough for us (& I don't think has been mentioned yet):the kids are so often sick that we are constantly exposed to all sorts of viruses and when you are a senior, it's very hard to avoid/recover from. So please be mindful that the grandparents immune systems are often weaker than those of the parents.

I think that’s totally fine. But don’t expect anyone to inconvenience themselves to come to you. Especially if you’re sick because that’s no fun.

Great, so the grandchildren get their grandparents sick because the kids have poor hygiene and spread germs. And then the grandparents should be expected to be ignored if and when they need help. Sounds fair.

No, the grandparents are staying away while the kids are young because they are scared of germs. So they are useless to parents with young children, which also happens to be the only time grandparents are at all useful.

So grandparents offer no child care and their kids offer no elder care.

If you’re not okay with that, then I suggest you risk your health and get to work taking care of your grandkids. If you’re okay with that, like in my family, then more power to you.

PP:

As clearly stated in the post, these grandparents are involved in child care and are putting their health at risk. Whether that is appropriate or not, is their choice. Hope your parents are not around to help since you obviously couldn't care less about them.

My dad died of a horribly debilitating disease quickly when I was in my 30s. I was there for him.

But I wouldn’t be for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my parents are moving cross country, away from their kids and young grandkids, who currently all reside within a 50 mile radius. ostensibly to retire to a lower COL place and ‘enjoy life.’ they live an expensive lifestyle and could have just downsized here. my own relationship with them has been strained over the years, but I do feel sad for the grandkids. it feels a bit like mourning their deaths as I don’t expect we’ll see each other much if at all. hoping to hear from others who have gone through something similar.

It's bizarre to me. I can't imagine moving away from my grandkids. I only have one daughter. If she has kids and moves across the country, I told her I'm buying a place in the same town.