In love with a cheater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this could be cultural and OP is conditioned to make every sacrifice to keep the family intact for the sake of children and social respect. Till death do us apart.

If divorce indeed isn't something she wants then its fine. Everyone makes some sacrifices in life for different reasons, let her pick her poison.

Divorce only takes 1 and he may well leave. Many cheaters do.

OP, get yourself prepared financially, you have to be able to take care of your kids. He may start a family with someone else and basically walk away. You need to not think being a doormat gives you any power or control whatsoever.

Eh, I'd say only about 10-15% of cheating men actually leave their wife (even lower if the kids are under 18). The norm is for men to stay.

Women who cheat are way more likely to divorce, even if only to be by themselves and figure out their life.

Men are much more likely to divorce a cheating wife than women are to divorce a cheating husband. MUCH more likely.

I don’t think this is true. Like where is your data for this?

Different poster here but this is absolutely true and their articles are written about this all the time online. Google is your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

If you love him, and want to stay him, just do it.

People have had affairs for thousands of years.

I am a previous poster who say she can do better and to move on. But you raise a good point. Who am I to say what she should do or how she should live her life? If she can live with it then ok. Women have turned a blind eye for ages so this isn’t new. It just feels wrong to me but if she knows and accepts it who am I to judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't every AP/OW out there technically in love with a cheater?? Lol

Ha. So true. It’s ironic they blast the wife yet they are sleeping with a cheater who is having sex with another woman (his wife).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this could be cultural and OP is conditioned to make every sacrifice to keep the family intact for the sake of children and social respect. Till death do us apart.

If divorce indeed isn't something she wants then its fine. Everyone makes some sacrifices in life for different reasons, let her pick her poison.

Divorce only takes 1 and he may well leave. Many cheaters do.

OP, get yourself prepared financially, you have to be able to take care of your kids. He may start a family with someone else and basically walk away. You need to not think being a doormat gives you any power or control whatsoever.

Eh, I'd say only about 10-15% of cheating men actually leave their wife (even lower if the kids are under 18). The norm is for men to stay.

Women who cheat are way more likely to divorce, even if only to be by themselves and figure out their life.

Men are much more likely to divorce a cheating wife than women are to divorce a cheating husband. MUCH more likely.

I don’t think this is true. Like where is your data for this?

Absolutely true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this could be cultural and OP is conditioned to make every sacrifice to keep the family intact for the sake of children and social respect. Till death do us apart.

If divorce indeed isn't something she wants then its fine. Everyone makes some sacrifices in life for different reasons, let her pick her poison.

Divorce only takes 1 and he may well leave. Many cheaters do.

OP, get yourself prepared financially, you have to be able to take care of your kids. He may start a family with someone else and basically walk away. You need to not think being a doormat gives you any power or control whatsoever.

Eh, I'd say only about 10-15% of cheating men actually leave their wife (even lower if the kids are under 18). The norm is for men to stay.

Women who cheat are way more likely to divorce, even if only to be by themselves and figure out their life.

Men are much more likely to divorce a cheating wife than women are to divorce a cheating husband. MUCH more likely.

I don’t think this is true. Like where is your data for this?

Absolutely true.

That’s why cheating married women have so much more at stake than married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

DP. Responses like this are unhelpful. It is not damaging to OP’s dignity to remain married to a man she loves and to keep her intact family intact. Her husband is the one damaging his own dignity, not hers.

I disagree.
Staying married to someone who continues to cheat on you IS most definitely affecting your dignity.
How can it not??

How can one have dignity within themselves if they choose to remain with a partner who chooses to have sex with other people?
To tolerate such behavior is showing that one does not love themselves as such behavior is the hugest sign of disrespect known to mankind.

All the people on here claiming that they would not leave a marriage if they were cheated on are consciously choosing to accept a life which would be subpar.

Subpar because they would be choosing to live with far less than they truly deserve.
We all only get ONE life each.
And it is up to us to make that one life count.
Which means to never accept less than what we all deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

DP. Responses like this are unhelpful. It is not damaging to OP’s dignity to remain married to a man she loves and to keep her intact family intact. Her husband is the one damaging his own dignity, not hers.

I disagree.
Staying married to someone who continues to cheat on you IS most definitely affecting your dignity.
How can it not??

How can one have dignity within themselves if they choose to remain with a partner who chooses to have sex with other people?
To tolerate such behavior is showing that one does not love themselves as such behavior is the hugest sign of disrespect known to mankind.

All the people on here claiming that they would not leave a marriage if they were cheated on are consciously choosing to accept a life which would be subpar.

Subpar because they would be choosing to live with far less than they truly deserve.
We all only get ONE life each.
And it is up to us to make that one life count.
Which means to never accept less than what we all deserve.

🙄 So simplistic and naive. And you're using circular reasoning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

DP. Responses like this are unhelpful. It is not damaging to OP’s dignity to remain married to a man she loves and to keep her intact family intact. Her husband is the one damaging his own dignity, not hers.

I disagree.
Staying married to someone who continues to cheat on you IS most definitely affecting your dignity.
How can it not??

How can one have dignity within themselves if they choose to remain with a partner who chooses to have sex with other people?
To tolerate such behavior is showing that one does not love themselves as such behavior is the hugest sign of disrespect known to mankind.

All the people on here claiming that they would not leave a marriage if they were cheated on are consciously choosing to accept a life which would be subpar.

Subpar because they would be choosing to live with far less than they truly deserve.
We all only get ONE life each.
And it is up to us to make that one life count.
Which means to never accept less than what we all deserve.

She deserves not to have her life further negatively impacted by the crime if that’s what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

DP. Responses like this are unhelpful. It is not damaging to OP’s dignity to remain married to a man she loves and to keep her intact family intact. Her husband is the one damaging his own dignity, not hers.

I disagree.
Staying married to someone who continues to cheat on you IS most definitely affecting your dignity.
How can it not??

How can one have dignity within themselves if they choose to remain with a partner who chooses to have sex with other people?
To tolerate such behavior is showing that one does not love themselves as such behavior is the hugest sign of disrespect known to mankind.

All the people on here claiming that they would not leave a marriage if they were cheated on are consciously choosing to accept a life which would be subpar.

Subpar because they would be choosing to live with far less than they truly deserve.
We all only get ONE life each.
And it is up to us to make that one life count.
Which means to never accept less than what we all deserve.

She deserves not to have her life further negatively impacted by the crime if that’s what she wants.

Not the PP you're responding to, but... Do what, now? Do you mean to say, "She deserves not to be affected negatively by a divorce so she should stay married if she wants"? Please untoss your word salad. My version's not much better. But both are nonsense, as is staying with someone who treats you as a breeder, additional income source, nanny, housekeeper and secondary location for storing his p***s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

DP. Responses like this are unhelpful. It is not damaging to OP’s dignity to remain married to a man she loves and to keep her intact family intact. Her husband is the one damaging his own dignity, not hers.

I disagree.
Staying married to someone who continues to cheat on you IS most definitely affecting your dignity.
How can it not??

How can one have dignity within themselves if they choose to remain with a partner who chooses to have sex with other people?
To tolerate such behavior is showing that one does not love themselves as such behavior is the hugest sign of disrespect known to mankind.

All the people on here claiming that they would not leave a marriage if they were cheated on are consciously choosing to accept a life which would be subpar.

Subpar because they would be choosing to live with far less than they truly deserve.
We all only get ONE life each.
And it is up to us to make that one life count.
Which means to never accept less than what we all deserve.

You have absolutely never truly loved someone. Yes, she can choose to leave and save her “dignity.” Or she can choose to retain what is her in the marriage by refusing to walk away. And she may still love the guy. She’s asking for advice. Life has many shades of gray. Lecturing her isn’t helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to leave or make any decisions now. I personally think divorce if you love him will make you worse off and more unhappy. Don’t divorce to “teach someone a lesson”—only you will end up hurt.

Thank you for understanding. I have been so alone in this, and afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgement for staying.

What happens when he leaves you bec he will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this could be cultural and OP is conditioned to make every sacrifice to keep the family intact for the sake of children and social respect. Till death do us apart.

If divorce indeed isn't something she wants then its fine. Everyone makes some sacrifices in life for different reasons, let her pick her poison.

Divorce only takes 1 and he may well leave. Many cheaters do.

OP, get yourself prepared financially, you have to be able to take care of your kids. He may start a family with someone else and basically walk away. You need to not think being a doormat gives you any power or control whatsoever.

+1000

I fear that OP's resignation and determination to "keep the family intact" means she's also put on blinders regarding the fact he could leave her any time -- and he will NOT share her qualms about breaking up the family, I think. If she is not realistically preparing for any possibility, financially and legally, she is truly sticking her head in the sand. OP, for your kids' sake if not your own, at least consider that if he leaves you, you'll be so blindsided and unprepared unless you get some ducks in a row. Fast. Privately.

I posted on another thread recently about this part, but: Friend's DH left her and their three young kids when he got his AP pregnant. Don't think it can't happen in your situation too, OP. Don't fantasize that he'd always choose you and your kids together over the AP --with or without a new AP baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this could be cultural and OP is conditioned to make every sacrifice to keep the family intact for the sake of children and social respect. Till death do us apart.

If divorce indeed isn't something she wants then its fine. Everyone makes some sacrifices in life for different reasons, let her pick her poison.

Divorce only takes 1 and he may well leave. Many cheaters do.

OP, get yourself prepared financially, you have to be able to take care of your kids. He may start a family with someone else and basically walk away. You need to not think being a doormat gives you any power or control whatsoever.

+1000

I fear that OP's resignation and determination to "keep the family intact" means she's also put on blinders regarding the fact he could leave her any time -- and he will NOT share her qualms about breaking up the family, I think. If she is not realistically preparing for any possibility, financially and legally, she is truly sticking her head in the sand. OP, for your kids' sake if not your own, at least consider that if he leaves you, you'll be so blindsided and unprepared unless you get some ducks in a row. Fast. Privately.

I posted on another thread recently about this part, but: Friend's DH left her and their three young kids when he got his AP pregnant. Don't think it can't happen in your situation too, OP. Don't fantasize that he'd always choose you and your kids together over the AP --with or without a new AP baby.

+2

Somebody threw out a stat that only 10-15 percent of cheating husbands leave. I don't take the stat at face value, but 10% is still not something to brush off when the stakes are so high. OP definitely needs to be prepared.

Also OP whatever you do, don't tell your husband you know but send him the message that you won't divorce him. Even if you won't, it's never a good idea to send your partner the message that you will be okay with mistreatment. That will just lead to more mistreatment, even if the affair ends. What makes people be nice to us isn't kindness, it's boundaries. It's okay if you're not prepared to set them right now, but don't let him think he is off the hook.