In love with a cheater

[Anonymous]

My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

I almost cried for you reading this.
Maybe show him what you have written?

Hey husband. If you love this woman, stop and do the right thing!

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to leave or make any decisions now. I personally think divorce if you love him will make you worse off and more unhappy. Don’t divorce to “teach someone a lesson”—only you will end up hurt.

[Anonymous]

Is it an affair of the heart or just physically cal? Is the AP interested in destroying your marriage? What are you willing to live with and are you ready to fight to retain this cheating man, who will never change? Does he love you? Are you protecting yourself from STDs? Do you believe this is the first and only AP? Can you get him to go with you to counseling? Do you have the means to get individual counseling ASAP?

So many questions. I’m sending you hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to leave or make any decisions now. I personally think divorce if you love him will make you worse off and more unhappy. Don’t divorce to “teach someone a lesson”—only you will end up hurt.

Thank you for understanding. I have been so alone in this, and afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgement for staying.

[Anonymous]

You need to start investing in yourself. Therapy and show yourself love: start hobbies and work on your career and fortify your friendships. If you feel strong then you can make better decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

"I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through."

Why not: "I have to figure out what I'm going to say to tell him I know and I deserve better."

You can love someone with every fiber of your being yet still know to your core that you deserve respect and dignity. Cheating denies you both. Love is not always enough, OP.

[Anonymous]

My heart absolutely breaks for you.

I understand you don’t want your marriage to be destroyed by his affair. How do you know? Is it with one person specifically?

Without knowing specifics, my thinking is that he could leave you for this other person. You have to get your life together so that you are not blindsided if that happens. I liked the idea of showing him what you wrote in your OP. Ultimately, you don’t deserve to be treated the way you are being treated. I am sending you hugs.

[Anonymous]

Your honesty is very refreshing OP, and I truly feel for you. 💔

However you need to seek individual personal counseling to figure out why you want to continue in a marriage where your partner is being so untrue to you.

You say you do not want to leave this man - yet by staying you are tossing all of your dignity to the wind.
You will always be questioning your husband’s integrity & the stress/anxiety this will cause will be a living hell.

You deserve to be treated w/love, respect + honor.
Until you are >> you will constantly be settling for much less than your worth.

I know leaving your husband is not something you want to do, but anything aside from divorce will damage your self-esteem to the core.

Learn to love yourself…..
Value yourself. ♥️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

I almost cried for you reading this.
Maybe show him what you have written?

Hey husband. If you love this woman, stop and do the right thing!

I don't mean to sound like an ahole, but why would he stop? It isn't like this is some big revelation, he knows his wife loves him and he chose to cheat instead. So now he knows that she's not going to leave him because he's cheating and that she is going to have to learn to live with it...why would he stop? A cheater knows they are going to hurt their spouse, they just don't care because they are selfish jerks. Now he has the green light to get the best of both worlds? Yeah, he's not going to stop.

I'm sorry OP and I appreciate your honesty. I think for now, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Get therapy, find some hobbies, and maybe tell one of your closest friends so you have some support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

You sound dormant. You absolutely cannot accept this as your reality. It is not healthy for you or your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

You sound dormant. You absolutely cannot accept this as your reality. It is not healthy for you or your children.

PP here. Stop it. Divorce does not fix this. It really does not. There is more to a marriage than sex. People who immediately jump to leaving do not understand that getting a divorce won’t fix the pain…and then she would be divorced and likely worse off in many ways. I am divorced. People should only divorce if they truly want to; if they are not happy in a marriage, they should leave. But leaving if you are generally happy but cheating happened, divorce can be the a worse outcome because you lose all components of marriage except one. Affairs do not usually last a long time.

I would not end a marriage over cheating if I was happy otherwise. I left my marriage beside it was a huge mistake and financially and emotionally abusive and I was never happy in it. Divorce can be a good outcome in this scenario. If someone is happy with married life, divorce is not always the better decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating on me. I’ve known for months and haven’t told anyone. I love my husband with every fiber of my being. I cannot leave. Leaving would hurt much more than staying. I doubt he will stop. I don’t want to break up our family, and in spite of his cheating i still care very much for him. I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through.

"I have to figure out a way to accept and pull through."

Why not: "I have to figure out what I'm going to say to tell him I know and I deserve better."

You can love someone with every fiber of your being yet still know to your core that you deserve respect and dignity. Cheating denies you both. Love is not always enough, OP.

Divorce is a financial decision. That needs to play into a decision. People can decide to stop caring and not let it impact their self esteem. I actually think going to a therapist would make this worse right now. Time has to go by and she needs to think about what she wants. Going to a pro divorce therapist (likely) is going to play with her emotions. If she feels depressed she should go, but a divorce decision should not be based purely on emotions. How would she feel if she saw her kids half the time? Lost her house? Had to move? There are many more stressors to divorce. It is not just about “‘my husband cheated.” Your post reduces all of the decision down to that: that is foolish.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, stat. A good therapist can help you work out your feelings. Maybe you learn to turn a blind eye and stay, maybe you eventually leave. Either way, you lost the marriage you wanted and thought you had and are going through the grieving process. The harsh reality is that your husband doesn’t love and respect you the same way you love and respect him. That’s not easy to accept and you need support working through this.

I have no doubt that whatever happens, you’ll come out stronger than you are now but you will have to do some work to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to start investing in yourself. Therapy and show yourself love: start hobbies and work on your career and fortify your friendships. If you feel strong then you can make better decisions.

Good advice here.