Husband stopping at random dive bars for one beer?

[Anonymous]

How often?

[Anonymous]

I don't think having a minute to yourself is a big deal. But I think it's weird that you discovered it from the credit card statements. If you guys have a transparent, trust-filled relationship, then stopping somewhere on your own home from work should come up in conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think having a minute to yourself is a big deal. But I think it's weird that you discovered it from the credit card statements. If you guys have a transparent, trust-filled relationship, then stopping somewhere on your own home from work should come up in conversation.

I don't really agree with this. I don't inform my DH whenever I stop in for Starbucks and this is about the same.

I like the vibe of a nice cozy pub over a beer in front of the TV at home, OP, so I get your DH's preference. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think having a minute to yourself is a big deal. But I think it's weird that you discovered it from the credit card statements. If you guys have a transparent, trust-filled relationship, then stopping somewhere on your own home from work should come up in conversation.

I totally disagree. People are entitled to a little bit of privacy and their own lives, even if they’re married. You don’t have to know where your partner is at all times.

[Anonymous]

There are some serious teetotalers on this thread. You’d lose your minds if you saw how the rest of the world consumed alcohol and what their “third places” are.

It’s actually a really good sign of his integrity and his self control that he is only having 1 drink, he answers calls from his wife, discusses it openly, puts it on their joint credit card. He’s not cheating he’s not an alcoholic. He’s just grabbing a beer. Sometimes when I go get take out for the family, if it’s not ready, I’ll sit at the bar and have a beer. So sue me.

This guy isn’t even going to the same bar all the time, so it’s not like he’s harboring some crush on a waitress or bartender. No abnormal tips.

How do people live when they’re this suspicious of all things? There’s literally nothing wrong with this. It’s responsible, moderate use of a legal substance.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I’ll park around the corner from my house for 15 minutes, I might meditate, I might just play Tetris on my phone but sometimes I need a little time to transition back to home.

[Anonymous]

Is he alone or are these the OLD first meet ups?

[Anonymous]

So you don’t actually know what is going on then? I know people that have the meet up from people they meet on apps in places they think they won’t run into anyone. They buy their own drink or use cash. He could be them heading for a 20 min bang or oral sex in a car. Just food for thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nextdoor neighbor growing up did this and it was totally innocent. I worked as a hostess at the sports bar / pub in my hometown a few summers.

He had a stressful job and he’d come in every day for 30 min and drink one Miller Lite, watch ESPN, and chat with the other regular old dudes before going home to a house with 4 kids.

This is the situation I'm picturing and it seems totally fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds innocuous, if it really is what he’s describing. Let the man have a beer.

That sounds fun. I'm a woman and would LOVE a legit dive bar to stop in at.

Maybe I’m using the dive term incorrectly. But they’re just not fancy and definitely not where white collar professionals go for a happy hour. They look like random crummy bars on Apple Maps.

Yeah, but their cheaper. He doesn't want to go to more upscale places that may be loud and charge more. $5 is cheap. He's probably adding a tip on the card for the rest. He doesn't want to go and pay $8-10 for a quick decompression drink.

Ugh. they're.

“Ugh”??

Why are you so Invested in other people’s grammar. We are not in school anymore and everyone understood the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you don’t actually know what is going on then? I know people that have the meet up from people they meet on apps in places they think they won’t run into anyone. They buy their own drink or use cash. He could be them heading for a 20 min bang or oral sex in a car. Just food for thought.

You are damaged, get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think having a minute to yourself is a big deal. But I think it's weird that you discovered it from the credit card statements. If you guys have a transparent, trust-filled relationship, then stopping somewhere on your own home from work should come up in conversation.

I totally disagree. People are entitled to a little bit of privacy and their own lives, even if they’re married. You don’t have to know where your partner is at all times.

There's a big difference between giving your spouse a live play by play of all your movements, which I think everyone would disagree with, to talking over your days together as a matter of being curious about one another. So never mentioning that you regularly do this thing . . . that sounds like an intentional omission. Married people should talk about their lives with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don’t actually know what is going on then? I know people that have the meet up from people they meet on apps in places they think they won’t run into anyone. They buy their own drink or use cash. He could be them heading for a 20 min bang or oral sex in a car. Just food for thought.

You are damaged, get help.

Nah. Speaks the truth. It’s what that woman in Queens would do prior to her death. It’s more common than not. It could be men too. Their “encounters” are very quick.

Just follow him one time.

[Anonymous]

I would have no problem with this. I work a stressful job and need to decompress sometimes. Some days, I come home and pour myself a glass of wine and sit somewhere quietly for 20 min and drink my glass of wine and scroll through my phone. Thankfully DH and DS understand this and know to give me that time. If I didn't feel like I could get those 20 min, I'd stop somewhere on my way home.

So maybe he doesn't feel like he can have a chance to decompress on those days he needs it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you don’t actually know what is going on then? I know people that have the meet up from people they meet on apps in places they think they won’t run into anyone. They buy their own drink or use cash. He could be them heading for a 20 min bang or oral sex in a car. Just food for thought.

You are damaged, get help.

Nah. Speaks the truth. It’s what that woman in Queens would do prior to her death. It’s more common than not. It could be men too. Their “encounters” are very quick.

Just follow him one time.

“Nah” it’s not more common than not. This lady in queens did it and this other guy also gets beer at a bar.

Schools really don’t teach critical thinking, do they?