Husband stopping at random dive bars for one beer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone in a stressful job tell me if one light beer eases pressure or something? I don’t think a man even gets a “buzz” from one beer, right?

Yes I am a woman and I feel like this after one glass of wine. A little decompression.

A glass of wine definitely gives me a buzz. I don’t think a single light beer gives an adult man a buzz.

Sounds like he's doing it about once a week, so it may give a light buzz but I bet it's more psychological than physical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds innocuous, if it really is what he’s describing. Let the man have a beer.

That sounds fun. I'm a woman and would LOVE a legit dive bar to stop in at.

Maybe I’m using the dive term incorrectly. But they’re just not fancy and definitely not where white collar professionals go for a happy hour. They look like random crummy bars on Apple Maps.

Yeah, but their cheaper. He doesn't want to go to more upscale places that may be loud and charge more. $5 is cheap. He's probably adding a tip on the card for the rest. He doesn't want to go and pay $8-10 for a quick decompression drink.

OP, I think you have to tell us how much your husband drinks so that the discussion can either go towards dealing with an alcoholic or something else (e.g. a stressed out husband, or a serial cheater). Does he need a light mimosa for breakfast? A quick IPA before bed? 2 fingers of whiskey with dinner? Or is this just 1-2 beers per week?

We’re not adverse to it but we’re not big drinkers. Wine with dinner once or twice a week. When in social gatherings together we’ll drink wine or he’ll have a beer.

My spouse and I never drink at dinner - ever - unless we’re at a restaurant.

You guys may not be “big drinkers,” but you’re drinkers alright - and his one light beer on occasion is consistent with that.

There is no problem here.

[Anonymous]

Does a white collar man look like Don Draper in a dive bar? Pulling up in a nice Cadillac and dressed in a nice suit after work…… sitting amongst blue collars. The visual seems funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone in a stressful job tell me if one light beer eases pressure or something? I don’t think a man even gets a “buzz” from one beer, right?

Yes I am a woman and I feel like this after one glass of wine. A little decompression.

A glass of wine definitely gives me a buzz. I don’t think a single light beer gives an adult man a buzz.

It is more a relaxation than a buzz. You know how that first sip of a glass of wine makes you feel instantly like you are downshifting? That's not the alcohol; you don't metabolize it that fast. It is the trigger in the brain saying that the [insert task] is over and it is time to relax.

Seriously, I get this. I used to do it before I stopped drinking and working so much in the office. It is a great pleasure at the end of a long day. And no, I wasn't picking up women (or men). I wasn't even really talking to anyone else. Sometimes I'd strike up a conversation, but almost always with a man, because that's mostly who you find there. I wouldn't get upset about it. It isn't as common anymore, but it should be.

[Anonymous]

Don't you all ever do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yes - same as grabbing a coffee and decompressing at a bench at the park.

The big difference is the danger of alcholism.

Coffee addiction isn't explicitly hamrful to others.

This is a good point.

OP, have you heard of the "third place" concept? It's something which -- pre-pandemic, back when people had Home and Workplace -- was a known thing. It's the idea that many people want a third place which is neither their home nor their office/workplace where they can go to pause, sometimes before work, sometimes after work, sometimes on a weekend to get out of the house. It's the idea of making a coffee stop where you don't do drive-through but you go inside, sit, read the news or read a book, and you are neither at work with coworkers makign demands nor at home with the kids asking questions and chores waiting to be done. It's actually considered a pretty healthy thing.

BUT. Bars aren't exactly what's meant by the third place. Sure, ever since bars have existed, they've been many people's place to go and have a quiet drink. But I too would wonder why my spouse was defaulting, for regular decompression, to a bar rather than a coffee shop or even a park. I would also wonder, if he did this often, what it is about either work or home that makes him need both the stop and the alcohol (yes, even one beer). Stress at work so bad he needs to wind down with something that relaxes him? A little unspoken reluctance to walk in the door at home because the kids are at a demanding or loud stage? I'd talk to him about it.

And I'd also wonder if the charges you see on the credit card are just one beer and he's paying for more in cash. I know that sounds suspicious-minded and I hope you have no reason to think he's had any more than one beer each time. But if he does it often enough that he starts to feel he "needs" it daily, either the alcohol or just the ritual, there may be reason to look at why he's so stressed and what needs to change. Let me be clear because DCUM tends to read things badly and someone likely will yell that I'm accusing your DH of alcoholism. I am not. But I would wonder about his choice of places to decompress, especially if each time is a different and apparently very random place. Why random? Why not one favorite bar if it has to be a bar? (And is he going out of his way to make these stops if they're random each time? I can see stopping at a place that's along the way home or close the office but random--?)

Otherwise, a third place stop on occasion is fine.

DP. Yeah. That third place was some married lady’s house. “It was about an escape from every day life.”

[Anonymous]

I would have no problem with this at all.

[Anonymous]

Sounds really odd to me. If he did it all along, that is one thing. But this seems to be new behavior. Is he going alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all ever do this?

Remember most DCUMers are not adventure seekers. They are rule followers and worry warts.

[Anonymous]

My nextdoor neighbor growing up did this and it was totally innocent. I worked as a hostess at the sports bar / pub in my hometown a few summers.

He had a stressful job and he’d come in every day for 30 min and drink one Miller Lite, watch ESPN, and chat with the other regular old dudes before going home to a house with 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

A glass of wine definitely gives me a buzz. I don’t think a single light beer gives an adult man a buzz.

It is more a relaxation than a buzz. You know how that first sip of a glass of wine makes you feel instantly like you are downshifting? That's not the alcohol; you don't metabolize it that fast. It is the trigger in the brain saying that the [insert task] is over and it is time to relax.

Seriously, I get this. I used to do it before I stopped drinking and working so much in the office. It is a great pleasure at the end of a long day. And no, I wasn't picking up women (or men). I wasn't even really talking to anyone else. Sometimes I'd strike up a conversation, but almost always with a man, because that's mostly who you find there. I wouldn't get upset about it. It isn't as common anymore, but it should be.

That’s what it is? All these years I thought I was a light weight. One sip and I feel the buzzzzz. Except expensive champagne. I immediately break out like Jenny from the block. My In Living Color moves are impeccable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a white collar man look like Don Draper in a dive bar? Pulling up in a nice Cadillac and dressed in a nice suit after work…… sitting amongst blue collars. The visual seems funny.

You'd be surprised. I've seen guys in $5,000 suits sitting alone at a corner table in dive bars. The appeal of most dive bars is people leave you alone with your thoughts, if that's what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't you all ever do this?

Remember most DCUMers are not adventure seekers. They are rule followers and worry warts.

Most people on here would be scared to go into a bar full of *gasp* blue collar people.

Though, if you ever walk into a bar full of cops drinking, quietly turn around and walk out. Those places are trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have no problem with this at all.

I don't even understand how it would be a problem to anyone.

[Anonymous]

It could be dangerous?