Parental exhaustion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

How old are you? How many years have you been working? How old are your kids? This is a tween/teen thread and you are talking about daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a different take, but The Self Driven Child and the sequel What Do You Say are all about putting the responsibility for your kid's life back where it belongs....on them. Not to say we don't have a role, but I'm looking for ways to support my kid and hold boundaries but reduce micromanaging.

They are worth a read, whether you agree or not. Good luck.

You know it's not just trying to help your kid with anything. It's all the parent stuff that comes with - private school includes a lot of commitments. Forms, carpools, planning vacations, taking them to Dr and if they are sick, taking care of them. It's a certain extent of worrying about them too. Laundry is the least of my probs and my kids in MS can make breakfast for dinner so it's not like I'm a helicopter mom.

But being a parent it's just exhausting. I'm not sure how you get around that by trying to pass off things your kid can do for themselves. Cause it's simply not enough.

The whole working moms thing is great - I work and many of my girlfriends are breadwinners but then their husbands stay home and take care if the kids. So whether it's mom or dad, there's one parent who has to take the flex and a step behind in career because being a parent is a full time job.

I think it's absolutely why so many kids are messed up now. I'm a liberal and I don't say that family values of having to eat dinner home every night is the secret but on some level, o don't see how you get through without help or sleep . Because a parent should be the one taking care if their kid ultimately. There's not always enough time for work and parenting no matter what age.

I agree with this somewhat. If both parents have big jobs or demanding jobs outside the home it seems that you need a grandparent or nanny/house manager to help provide support to kids or one parent has got to be able to flex. Between activities, doctors, school stuff, college, etc. In addition to getting kids physically from point A to point B throughout the week there is all the “invisible” work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a different take, but The Self Driven Child and the sequel What Do You Say are all about putting the responsibility for your kid's life back where it belongs....on them. Not to say we don't have a role, but I'm looking for ways to support my kid and hold boundaries but reduce micromanaging.

They are worth a read, whether you agree or not. Good luck.

You know it's not just trying to help your kid with anything. It's all the parent stuff that comes with - private school includes a lot of commitments. Forms, carpools, planning vacations, taking them to Dr and if they are sick, taking care of them. It's a certain extent of worrying about them too. Laundry is the least of my probs and my kids in MS can make breakfast for dinner so it's not like I'm a helicopter mom.

But being a parent it's just exhausting. I'm not sure how you get around that by trying to pass off things your kid can do for themselves. Cause it's simply not enough.

The whole working moms thing is great - I work and many of my girlfriends are breadwinners but then their husbands stay home and take care if the kids. So whether it's mom or dad, there's one parent who has to take the flex and a step behind in career because being a parent is a full time job.

I think it's absolutely why so many kids are messed up now. I'm a liberal and I don't say that family values of having to eat dinner home every night is the secret but on some level, o don't see how you get through without help or sleep . Because a parent should be the one taking care if their kid ultimately. There's not always enough time for work and parenting no matter what age.

I agree with this somewhat. If both parents have big jobs or demanding jobs outside the home it seems that you need a grandparent or nanny/house manager to help provide support to kids or one parent has got to be able to flex. Between activities, doctors, school stuff, college, etc. In addition to getting kids physically from point A to point B throughout the week there is all the “invisible” work.

The thread is low-key misogynistic trolling.
It isn't exhausting to be the parent of teens any more than you choose to make it. It is nonsense to say you need a third adult driving and doing the invisible work.

Women, do your things, have your babies and your teens, have your jobs and your careers. You'll make the decisions you have to make as problems and changes arise, including energy levels as we age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

How old are you? How many years have you been working? How old are your kids? This is a tween/teen thread and you are talking about daycare.

I'm 46. I've been leaving my home at 6:40 to get to work by 7:30 since I was 25 years old. I'm a teacher. I teach until 2:30 and then work our school's aftercare program until 5:00. I leave school then and pick up my 16 yr and 14 yr old at school (or from their sport's practice) around 5:30/6pm. When the kids were younger, I'd drop them off at daycare at 7am and pick them up around 5:30pm. Now, it's school. I've got 4 more years until my youngest goes to college and then I can leave my school at 5pm and go straight home.

Plenty of people do this. Just because a lot of people now work from home doesn't mean everyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

How old are you? How many years have you been working? How old are your kids? This is a tween/teen thread and you are talking about daycare.

I'm 46. I've been leaving my home at 6:40 to get to work by 7:30 since I was 25 years old. I'm a teacher. I teach until 2:30 and then work our school's aftercare program until 5:00. I leave school then and pick up my 16 yr and 14 yr old at school (or from their sport's practice) around 5:30/6pm. When the kids were younger, I'd drop them off at daycare at 7am and pick them up around 5:30pm. Now, it's school. I've got 4 more years until my youngest goes to college and then I can leave my school at 5pm and go straight home.

Plenty of people do this. Just because a lot of people now work from home doesn't mean everyone does.

There is not really a nice way to say it, so here goes. People with choices and career capital just don't stay out of the house everyday like that as they get older. OP cannot keep up with her current life, so I really think she has to look at how she works. Maybe going to the doctor is fine but really, sometimes we just put unreasonable demands on ourselves and act like it's all normal. It's kind of amazing to me that some people's first thought is that it's normal to be out of the house 5 days a week for 12 hours a day for an entire working life.

[Anonymous]

PP- Most people don't have choices that involve quitting a job or cutting back. Most people need the money. DCUM is not representative of most people's reality. OP- get your thyroid checked out as well as a full physical. I take naps on the weekend and I look forward to them. Take a day off when you can and just relax and do nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

How old are you? How many years have you been working? How old are your kids? This is a tween/teen thread and you are talking about daycare.

I'm 46. I've been leaving my home at 6:40 to get to work by 7:30 since I was 25 years old. I'm a teacher. I teach until 2:30 and then work our school's aftercare program until 5:00. I leave school then and pick up my 16 yr and 14 yr old at school (or from their sport's practice) around 5:30/6pm. When the kids were younger, I'd drop them off at daycare at 7am and pick them up around 5:30pm. Now, it's school. I've got 4 more years until my youngest goes to college and then I can leave my school at 5pm and go straight home.

Plenty of people do this. Just because a lot of people now work from home doesn't mean everyone does.

There is not really a nice way to say it, so here goes. People with choices and career capital just don't stay out of the house everyday like that as they get older. OP cannot keep up with her current life, so I really think she has to look at how she works. Maybe going to the doctor is fine but really, sometimes we just put unreasonable demands on ourselves and act like it's all normal. It's kind of amazing to me that some people's first thought is that it's normal to be out of the house 5 days a week for 12 hours a day for an entire working life.

ok but 7:30 to 6 isn't 12 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in to say you are not alone. This very topic has been on my mind for the past year or so. I am in mid-40s. For a while I thought the pandemic had a lot to do with it. We are coming out of something big, between trump and the pandemic.

Anyway, I will dissent to say that I disagree that a full time WFH position is the solution. I recently started going into the office 1-2x a week (hybrid) and there's something to be said for being in an office and not being the default parent/house person. Commutes are tiring--but i use mine to get some exercise.

Also, I have done the physicals and I am still tired, despite taking supplements and passing the physicals with flying colors. Here is what I think I would focus on:

- sleep (I need to work on this)
- regular workout routine (can you workout during your lunch hour?)
- finding an activity/hobby that is just for you
- As much as I hate to admit it, I have tried to cut out processed foods and have stricter rules about snacking dinner. It helps.

I really think its a mental exhaustion thing-- to paraphrase, there's always lots to do at work and home, and I never feel like I am "done." On weekends, I deliberately once in a blue moon ignore my calendars and to-do lists and have a zone-out/lazy day. I am not sure if that is a good habit or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP- Most people don't have choices that involve quitting a job or cutting back. Most people need the money. DCUM is not representative of most people's reality. OP- get your thyroid checked out as well as a full physical. I take naps on the weekend and I look forward to them. Take a day off when you can and just relax and do nothing.

But we are posting on DCUM and responding to a particular poster. Seems perfectly appropriate to assume DCUM-reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP- Most people don't have choices that involve quitting a job or cutting back. Most people need the money. DCUM is not representative of most people's reality. OP- get your thyroid checked out as well as a full physical. I take naps on the weekend and I look forward to them. Take a day off when you can and just relax and do nothing.

But we are posting on DCUM and responding to a particular poster. Seems perfectly appropriate to assume DCUM-reality.

I imagine the OP would’ve cut back on her hours if that was a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP- Most people don't have choices that involve quitting a job or cutting back. Most people need the money. DCUM is not representative of most people's reality. OP- get your thyroid checked out as well as a full physical. I take naps on the weekend and I look forward to them. Take a day off when you can and just relax and do nothing.

But we are posting on DCUM and responding to a particular poster. Seems perfectly appropriate to assume DCUM-reality.

I imagine the OP would’ve cut back on her hours if that was a possibility.

Does it surprise you to learn that people often don't do things that are possible because they are mentally stuck? By the way, I am not talking about cutting hours necessarily. How about a day or two WFH? How about another job?

[Anonymous]

Also, a weighted blanket really helped me sleep better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

How old are you? How many years have you been working? How old are your kids? This is a tween/teen thread and you are talking about daycare.

I'm 46. I've been leaving my home at 6:40 to get to work by 7:30 since I was 25 years old. I'm a teacher. I teach until 2:30 and then work our school's aftercare program until 5:00. I leave school then and pick up my 16 yr and 14 yr old at school (or from their sport's practice) around 5:30/6pm. When the kids were younger, I'd drop them off at daycare at 7am and pick them up around 5:30pm. Now, it's school. I've got 4 more years until my youngest goes to college and then I can leave my school at 5pm and go straight home.

Plenty of people do this. Just because a lot of people now work from home doesn't mean everyone does.

There is not really a nice way to say it, so here goes. People with choices and career capital just don't stay out of the house everyday like that as they get older. OP cannot keep up with her current life, so I really think she has to look at how she works. Maybe going to the doctor is fine but really, sometimes we just put unreasonable demands on ourselves and act like it's all normal. It's kind of amazing to me that some people's first thought is that it's normal to be out of the house 5 days a week for 12 hours a day for an entire working life.

Wow! I’m so thankful we have so many great teachers who don’t think like you. PP, thanks for all you do! I appreciate you!

[Anonymous]

10.5 hours is a normal work day plus commute. I don't get what the issue is here. OP is lucky to have a partner who can do all of the stuff with the kids. Most parents are both out of the house these hours for jobs that require you to be in person (there are many of those types of jobs).

[Anonymous]

I am 45 with an 8 year old. I am already searching for boarding schools for her middle school to high school years. I am absolutely exhausted. I am worried that I won't be able to keep up with her in the future. I fall asleep before she does every night. I must take naps everyday from 2-3pm. After cleaning, washing, caring for myself and other life events, I have nothing left.

I often forget things and put things in the wrong places. I am mentally drained. I am also a single parent. My kid cannot participate in any after school activities unless the hours are 3pm-5pm. I will not enroll her in any evening activities. We are in the bed each night by 9pm. We start winding down at 8pm.