Parental exhaustion

[Anonymous]

Welp I'm an older parent of a toddler and this thread is scary and cementing my decision to stop at one (not that we have much choice anyway due to age/infertility).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welp I'm an older parent of a toddler and this thread is scary and cementing my decision to stop at one (not that we have much choice anyway due to age/infertility).

Sorry. It is true though.

[Anonymous]

This is peri menopause. Fix your sleep and the rest will follow. HRT or adaptagens if you can’t do hormones.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all the replies, but any chance you’re anemic? Heavy periods? Chewing ice?

[Anonymous]

My NY resolution was 'not to get more done, but the have less to do'.
I retired from my minimum wage job after 25 years at 45. Older kid gets himself to high school and back. He does zero extracurricular activities.If he did, he would have to get himself there.
Younger one is still in elementary school and I have to drive a whole mile to get there in zero traffic (most people walk). She is signed up for extras in aftercare which gives me extra hour after school to chill at home and do nothing.
Almost every single weekend is spent at relatives homes in Nova who plan whatever they want to plan. I don't even ask.
Finances are in great order, so are all the documents, and kids are doing great at school. I don't check homework, I don't plan to go to J-R ever, not even at graduation. Knowing my kid, he won't go.
I spend a lot of time thinking how to get things done fast, easier, or not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My NY resolution was 'not to get more done, but the have less to do'.
I retired from my minimum wage job after 25 years at 45. Older kid gets himself to high school and back. He does zero extracurricular activities.If he did, he would have to get himself there.
Younger one is still in elementary school and I have to drive a whole mile to get there in zero traffic (most people walk). She is signed up for extras in aftercare which gives me extra hour after school to chill at home and do nothing.
Almost every single weekend is spent at relatives homes in Nova who plan whatever they want to plan. I don't even ask.
Finances are in great order, so are all the documents, and kids are doing great at school. I don't check homework, I don't plan to go to J-R ever, not even at graduation. Knowing my kid, he won't go.
I spend a lot of time thinking how to get things done fast, easier, or not at all.

Nice of your husband to fund this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My NY resolution was 'not to get more done, but the have less to do'.
I retired from my minimum wage job after 25 years at 45. Older kid gets himself to high school and back. He does zero extracurricular activities.If he did, he would have to get himself there.
Younger one is still in elementary school and I have to drive a whole mile to get there in zero traffic (most people walk). She is signed up for extras in aftercare which gives me extra hour after school to chill at home and do nothing.
Almost every single weekend is spent at relatives homes in Nova who plan whatever they want to plan. I don't even ask.
Finances are in great order, so are all the documents, and kids are doing great at school. I don't check homework, I don't plan to go to J-R ever, not even at graduation. Knowing my kid, he won't go.
I spend a lot of time thinking how to get things done fast, easier, or not at all.

Nice of your husband to fund this!

And wow, there’s tired and there’s just plain lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a different take, but The Self Driven Child and the sequel What Do You Say are all about putting the responsibility for your kid's life back where it belongs....on them. Not to say we don't have a role, but I'm looking for ways to support my kid and hold boundaries but reduce micromanaging.

They are worth a read, whether you agree or not. Good luck.

You know it's not just trying to help your kid with anything. It's all the parent stuff that comes with - private school includes a lot of commitments. Forms, carpools, planning vacations, taking them to Dr and if they are sick, taking care of them. It's a certain extent of worrying about them too. Laundry is the least of my probs and my kids in MS can make breakfast for dinner so it's not like I'm a helicopter mom.

But being a parent it's just exhausting. I'm not sure how you get around that by trying to pass off things your kid can do for themselves. Cause it's simply not enough.

The whole working moms thing is great - I work and many of my girlfriends are breadwinners but then their husbands stay home and take care if the kids. So whether it's mom or dad, there's one parent who has to take the flex and a step behind in career because being a parent is a full time job.

I think it's absolutely why so many kids are messed up now. I'm a liberal and I don't say that family values of having to eat dinner home every night is the secret but on some level, o don't see how you get through without help or sleep . Because a parent should be the one taking care if their kid ultimately. There's not always enough time for work and parenting no matter what age.

[Anonymous]

Your job sounds exhausting. Personally, when I was 5 days a week in office and those hours, I was burnt out.

How often do you work from home? Are you always gone 10.5 hours? That alone would make you exhausted

I was working like that, and then Covid hit and I got it forced six months break. Frankly, it was the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t realize how burnt out I was from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a different take, but The Self Driven Child and the sequel What Do You Say are all about putting the responsibility for your kid's life back where it belongs....on them. Not to say we don't have a role, but I'm looking for ways to support my kid and hold boundaries but reduce micromanaging.

They are worth a read, whether you agree or not. Good luck.

You know it's not just trying to help your kid with anything. It's all the parent stuff that comes with - private school includes a lot of commitments. Forms, carpools, planning vacations, taking them to Dr and if they are sick, taking care of them. It's a certain extent of worrying about them too. Laundry is the least of my probs and my kids in MS can make breakfast for dinner so it's not like I'm a helicopter mom.

But being a parent it's just exhausting. I'm not sure how you get around that by trying to pass off things your kid can do for themselves. Cause it's simply not enough.

The whole working moms thing is great - I work and many of my girlfriends are breadwinners but then their husbands stay home and take care if the kids. So whether it's mom or dad, there's one parent who has to take the flex and a step behind in career because being a parent is a full time job.

I think it's absolutely why so many kids are messed up now. I'm a liberal and I don't say that family values of having to eat dinner home every night is the secret but on some level, o don't see how you get through without help or sleep . Because a parent should be the one taking care if their kid ultimately. There's not always enough time for work and parenting no matter what age.

The Self Driven child is a terrific book. But it does not address what's being discussed. The authors don't say you should just put responsibility on your child and just go about your business. It's not some 1970s throw them out of the house until the lights come back on. Quite the opposite. It requires a lot of thoughtful conversations which [back to the topic] can be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My NY resolution was 'not to get more done, but the have less to do'.
I retired from my minimum wage job after 25 years at 45. Older kid gets himself to high school and back. He does zero extracurricular activities.If he did, he would have to get himself there.
Younger one is still in elementary school and I have to drive a whole mile to get there in zero traffic (most people walk). She is signed up for extras in aftercare which gives me extra hour after school to chill at home and do nothing.
Almost every single weekend is spent at relatives homes in Nova who plan whatever they want to plan. I don't even ask.
Finances are in great order, so are all the documents, and kids are doing great at school. I don't check homework, I don't plan to go to J-R ever, not even at graduation. Knowing my kid, he won't go.
I spend a lot of time thinking how to get things done fast, easier, or not at all.

You’ve taken things to another extreme. Unless you have s health condition, you sound lazy and negligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think those hours are anything unusual for people with commutes. I leave at 6:40 and get home around 6pm most days. Unfortunately you are are older parent and the grind takes its toll as you age.

I am 49 and my DH is 51. While we knew plenty of people who travelled/commuted a ton in the early and even mid years of our careers, but now, I am struggling to think of anyone who keeps these hours everyday out of the house. Once you hit middle age + pandemic/WFH, no, I don't think its usual for a 50 y/o to do this EVERYDAY.

I do it everyday and so do most people I know. These are the hours of parents who need to drop their kids off at daycare, go to work and then pick the kids up. Now so many people work from home that this seems unusual but it isn’t for people who have to work in person.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the replies, but I feel you!

I second the idea of getting a physical, with someone who cares. My GP is actually an RN or something like that, Jennifer Willson at the Comprehensive Primary Care in Woodley Park. It's not a fancy office, but she is a great listener and has looked carefully at my bloodwork and is rooting for me. I had a Vitamin D deficiency that was so bad, she prescribed a massive boost that straightened me out, and a bunch of other things. This all may not get totally sorted, OP, but there are things that can make you feel better. Maybe you could even get a little appetite suppressant to help you with those nighttime carb spirals. I don't know if those are affecting your mood or not, but they certainly affect my self-esteem!

Finally, do you want to consider outsourcing some of the driving? Just because our kids don't need sitters doesn't mean we don't need help. We found a great AU student through QuadJobs who does some of the driving when I have regular work til 7 2 days a week; she also gives the kids dinner and makes sure they shower. Such a relief.

Good luck!! I'm glad you're reaching out for advice. Sometimes I find that just when I think I've reached the breaking point, it's reaching out that's actually a sign of me taking care of myself.