If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids (and my sibling’s, which came later) have always been taken care of by their grandparents. They see a lot of kids with nannies at the park and playgrounds. Some are pretty damned good and attentive, but most are just plain awful. Your nanny could easily be one thing in front of you and another completely different once she’s out the door with your kid.

I’m not saying they’re abusive or anything. Just inattentive and indifferent and sometimes a little short.

At least in a good day care there are rules and regulations and constant supervision and other kids to keep yours engaged and stimulated.

This is true, which is why you need to specify what is appropriate and inappropriate up front in the contract. When our kids were very little we also had a list of places she could take them on outings - when they were very little it was the local park and country club. Because I’m very active in my community there were eyes everywhere. I have tons of SAHM friends, who would always tell me ‘I saw Nanny and Larla today at the XXX. Nanny is so sweet.’ OR “how did you find Nanny? She is the only one I never see on the phone”. I’m the PP who used a service. I also wrote a solid contract and asked her to sign an NDA. No, were not famous, but I don’t want my kids on social media sites until they consent.

Nice try. But no, a “contract” doesn’t solve the problem and having eyes and ears in town doesn’t either. Everybody everywhere has both, and still you see nannies at the parks and playgrounds every day on their phones, being snippy with the kids, chatting with other nannies in their common foreign language while havoc wreaks around them, etc. You may tell yourself your situation is different, but it isn’t.

Again, I’m not saying any of this is the worst thing in the world. It isn’t. But no single individual outside of your own family is going to love your kid the way you do - FACT. At least in day care the indifference is spread around so the risk is lower. Plus, again, there are other kids around and constant supervision by the bosses.

A contract and due diligence worked for me. Perhaps you should talk from a point of experience rather than judgement and envy.

Oh, and "nice try"?!?!?

[Anonymous]

I'm not able to manage a nanny on top of my other work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I'm not anti-anything, but pre-kids I never considered a nanny. It felt safer to be in a daycare with multiple eyes on my kid, versus just one.

Turns out I couldn't get into any daycare when baby came. So we got a nanny. I actually enjoyed having a nanny for the infant stage when warm, responsive care and baby sleep were big priorities for me. I did not like managing a household employee, though, and having to tread lightly with feelings, etc.

Once my kid was around 15 months, I wanted my kid's care to be more about challenging his abilities, social emotional learning, and exploring different types of activities (art, music, yoga, etc.). Our nanny was great at infant care, but wasn't the super "active" type I wanted for the toddler years. So off to daycare my kid went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Children should be out socializing with other children.

In a neighborhood that’s walkable to a park, the best nannies take the kids there all morning, have lunch, then take the kids home. You get tons of socializing plus the recommended outdoor time from experts. So I don’t think daycare is the only way to do this, but it could be neighborhood-dependent and obviously budget-dependent.

Seeing kids at the playground who may or may not be there consistently from day-to-day is not the same as seeing the same kids in a daycare setting, having to share communal toys, eating together, answering to the same adult, etc.

I think it’s similar because the same group of kids and nannies come (unless someone is sick or on vacation- same as daycare). The kids bring scooters, bikes, toys for the sandbox, and they learn to share and socialize. They sit and eat together. I know friends in other walkable neighborhoods with the same setup. I don’t think these kids are at a disadvantage to daycare kids. Again, as I said, it’s neighborhood-dependent.

Btw, plenty of nannies also socialize kids at the country club or pool. The kids aren’t sitting home alone all day.

Plenty of Nannies don’t, is the thing. And I don’t have the spare time to find out I got a dud, hire a new person, re-train, etc.

I also want more than seeing the kid at the playground every day or so. I want my kid in a learning environment with enrichment like multiple languages, arts, etc. I don’t think one person provides all that and I don’t want my kid in the car all day being carted from place to place.

It’s not “anti” nanny, it’s just a nanny not meeting our priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

Da troof right here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

You’re not in the running. When you can pay someone then people care what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Disagree! I can't afford a nanny but would prefer one to day care if I had the option. On the other hand, I actually do oppose private school.

What? Why?

If you oppose private K-12, you must oppose private universities as well. All kids would have to go to the public university for which they are zoned.

DP here. Yes, I do kind of oppose private universities also. Why? The obvious entitlement and classism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

People have already responded why they prefer daycare even if they can afford a nanny. I think for an infant to toddler, nannies are better, and after that, daycare is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

+1. I never understood people who placed so little value on the people that they hire to help raise their children. Sad.