If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

DH and I were overweight children, and we felt daycare would be best to keep our kids active and away from snacks. It worked and also suited their outgoing little personalities. There were definitely some kids at daycare that didn't thrive though, so it isn't the best choice for every kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Ok simpleton

[Anonymous]

For small babies, nanny care makes sense in a lot of ways. However, kids need to socialize with other kids. You can tell the kids who have been isolated before Kindergarten. They are the ones who don’t socialize well, have “behavior issues,” etc. If a kid isn’t in a preschool program with other kids, it is a huge disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Children should be out socializing with other children.

In a neighborhood that’s walkable to a park, the best nannies take the kids there all morning, have lunch, then take the kids home. You get tons of socializing plus the recommended outdoor time from experts. So I don’t think daycare is the only way to do this, but it could be neighborhood-dependent and obviously budget-dependent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

No, my children attend private and I never, ever would have a nanny. They are my children and not willing to have someone else parent them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I were overweight children, and we felt daycare would be best to keep our kids active and away from snacks. It worked and also suited their outgoing little personalities. There were definitely some kids at daycare that didn't thrive though, so it isn't the best choice for every kid.

Watching one’s own children does not make the children fat.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety, I think, or ingrained mommy-martyr beliefs.

I didn't like having a nanny, even a very good one, but that was not because of any principle against nannies. It was because I HATED the stress of being someone's boss in such a personal context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Disagree! I can't afford a nanny but would prefer one to day care if I had the option. On the other hand, I actually do oppose private school.

What? Why?

If you oppose private K-12, you must oppose private universities as well. All kids would have to go to the public university for which they are zoned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Disagree! I can't afford a nanny but would prefer one to day care if I had the option. On the other hand, I actually do oppose private school.

What? Why?

If you oppose private K-12, you must oppose private universities as well. All kids would have to go to the public university for which they are zoned.

This is not how public universities work in the US...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Children should be out socializing with other children.

In a neighborhood that’s walkable to a park, the best nannies take the kids there all morning, have lunch, then take the kids home. You get tons of socializing plus the recommended outdoor time from experts. So I don’t think daycare is the only way to do this, but it could be neighborhood-dependent and obviously budget-dependent.

Seeing kids at the playground who may or may not be there consistently from day-to-day is not the same as seeing the same kids in a daycare setting, having to share communal toys, eating together, answering to the same adult, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Disagree! I can't afford a nanny but would prefer one to day care if I had the option. On the other hand, I actually do oppose private school.

What? Why?

If you oppose private K-12, you must oppose private universities as well. All kids would have to go to the public university for which they are zoned.

Wut

[Anonymous]

Our kids (and my sibling’s, which came later) have always been taken care of by their grandparents. They see a lot of kids with nannies at the park and playgrounds. Some are pretty damned good and attentive, but most are just plain awful. Your nanny could easily be one thing in front of you and another completely different once she’s out the door with your kid.

I’m not saying they’re abusive or anything. Just inattentive and indifferent and sometimes a little short.

At least in a good day care there are rules and regulations and constant supervision and other kids to keep yours engaged and stimulated.

[Anonymous]

OP- I’m definitely not anti-nanny. I actually think its be best option if you are willing to find the right one. I put my older one in daycare, because we lived abroad where a nanny was not an option. Then we moved and had our second child. I could not find a daycare I liked (huge quality difference with northern Europe), so we looked to hire a nanny. We used a service and the search fee was $5k; this puts people off. We also paid well and gave her tons of leave. Regarding the socialization - this was a concern of mine too - so we put our youngest in half day; 3-days a week preschool at our church. Both of my children are healthy and happy.

Our nanny helped with all things kid - cleaning, food, laundry, driving to many activities, school run etc. My kids are much older now and we are still in touch with her. I believe because we put the effort finding the right person up front, we had a successful experience. I know other people who seem to have a different nanny every year - they go though word of mouth and pay under the table - something we REFUSE to do. We did all the proper due diligence of any employer. We also have a maid, so we are accustomed to this. Yes, I know we are privileged - DCUM has a love/hate obsession with privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids (and my sibling’s, which came later) have always been taken care of by their grandparents. They see a lot of kids with nannies at the park and playgrounds. Some are pretty damned good and attentive, but most are just plain awful. Your nanny could easily be one thing in front of you and another completely different once she’s out the door with your kid.

I’m not saying they’re abusive or anything. Just inattentive and indifferent and sometimes a little short.

At least in a good day care there are rules and regulations and constant supervision and other kids to keep yours engaged and stimulated.

This is true, which is why you need to specify what is appropriate and inappropriate up front in the contract. When our kids were very little we also had a list of places she could take them on outings - when they were very little it was the local park and country club. Because I’m very active in my community there were eyes everywhere. I have tons of SAHM friends, who would always tell me ‘I saw Nanny and Larla today at the XXX. Nanny is so sweet.’ OR “how did you find Nanny? She is the only one I never see on the phone”. I’m the PP who used a service. I also wrote a solid contract and asked her to sign an NDA. No, were not famous, but I don’t want my kids on social media sites until they consent.