If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

I've never heard anyone claim they don't like nannies because they don't want someone outside their family to watch their kids, unless they are a SAHP who eschews childcare altogether.

But in a 2-income family where both parents work outside the home, that can't be the reason because taking your kid to daycare is obviously letting someone outside their family watch their kids.

The people I know who reject nannies do so because (1) they can't afford it, (2) they can afford it but still find it too expensive and/or don't want to jump through the hoops of being an employer and having to pay taxes and benefits, (3) they don't want someone in their house, or (4) they think their children will benefit from group care as opposed to being at home with just a nanny and maybe siblings.

Why does it bother you that not everyone wants a nanny, OP? What difference does it make to you?

[Anonymous]

I love the structure of daycare - we felt my daughter benefited from that as she hit the toddler years. Plus as one pp mentioned - once they are 2-3 they start making friends at daycare and they love seeing them.

I do not like having someone at my house so much nor do I like the task of managing a household employee.

To each their own, I just think it’s rotten when people imply one or the other is bad. Both are fine.

[Anonymous]

I stayed at home until DS was 2, so maybe I'd feel differently if we needed care as an infant. I have nothing against nannies and completely understand why people have them. It just wasn't something we were interested in. At 2, I wanted him to be around other kids more and I liked the structure of daycare. DH and I really didn't want to have to manage a household employee. I found the idea really stressful.

We went to a small daycare that DS excelled in and we felt he was safe in. Like I said, maybe it would be different if he was a baby or if we didn't find a great daycare, but those were our reasons!

[Anonymous]

I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Children should be out socializing with other children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not anti nanny but I much prefer a daycare. I like the rules and regulations and I dislike having to manage household employees.

All of this, plus if the nanny is sick you are SOL while daycare will figure out coverage.

[Anonymous]

We have an AuPair for the sake of consistency and flexibility. I originally would have liked to do daycare/aftercare, for many of the reasons stated above. But the frequent sick days, then Covid and random days off of school made having a nanny/AuPair with a flexible schedule a necessity for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not anti nanny but I much prefer a daycare. I like the rules and regulations and I dislike having to manage household employees.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Children should be out socializing with other children.

Not when they’re babies. And certainly not all day, every day five days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

I get this, but once your kids are in elementary school, group care doesn’t cut it. It is hard to impossible to get multiple kids to sports teams across the city and whatever else they have going on with two working parents, even if one works from home.

[Anonymous]

We are primates. It makes sense that we would be wary about handing our babies over to a pseudo "replacement mother."

We put our baby in daycare and I hated it. I thought I would stay after work catching up, go for a run before picking her up, etc. Instead I felt this otherworldly need to rush over to daycare as soon as I could and scoop her up. Parenting is a very primal thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people prefer daycare.

Nannies are easier in a lot of ways but exhausting in others. The mental energy to be someone’s boss and the lack of privacy in your own home is really hard for a lot of people.

Agreed! I like that my kid gets to socialize with other kids consistently at daycare. And I don't have to manage an employee on top of my work.

I'm not totally against a nanny, given the right situation.

[Anonymous]

A nanny is a single thread. If they are sick or quit you re out of luck. I preferred a daycare center for that reason.

[Anonymous]

We were going to do daycare when my daughter was born but due to health reasons had to keep her home. I’m so happy we went the nanny route. I’ve definitely gotten the comment “I can’t believe you didn’t try daycare!” But every situation is so different.

My daughter is now almost two. We’ve been happy with our nanny who plans two outings per day and we are starting a 3 day a week preschool in the fall to get her ready for a school environment. With the right nanny your child won’t miss out on socialization and will thrive in other areas since they get 1:1 attention.

We have payroll through a service so that’s easy. I don’t mind “managing” a person since it means I get to enjoy mornings with my child and not worry about getting her to daycare.

Every situation is different. Don’t let the anti-nanny people scare you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can't afford a nanny and are jealous of those who can. It's the same with public school parents who oppose private school or think it's a waste of money. Why is this even a question? It's so obvious!

Or they have family to help them.

I used to be reluctant about nannies when I was certain my mom and DH's mom could help. Lol

DH's mom got ill, and my mom barely has the strength in her late 60s.

I am not staying home again, so nanny it is.