If you're anti-nanny but both you and your partner WOH, could you please explain why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

This isn’t true if you’re using licensed and high quality daycare. Everyone at ours has a criminal background check on file.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I could ask this exact same question of someone who chose a nanny. Like why would you trust some random person in your house over vetted and accountable group childcare? That sounds insane!!

Because the people working at a childcare facility aren’t vetted any more than someone you hire as a nanny. You have no idea who these people are working at a daycare. You may actually have a better idea of who a nanny is if you hire her through word of mouth.

If you have the means, you will likely end up with a decent nanny who take good care of your child.

It’s so much better for your child to be in his or her own home with 1:1 attention. The child is able to avoid more illnesses and no rush to get out of the house in the morning. Daycare is essentially warehousing your child for the day. Why would you want your kid in storage and not in his or her own home?

Besides DC, I have never lived anywhere else that a person who can afford a nanny would choose daycare. In most places, a nanny is a luxury item and for a reason.

That’s because, besides DC, there is a lack of really amazing childcare in the country. But, for example, Smithsonian Preschool is in DC. Why *wouldn’t* you offer your kids that opportunity if it’s available to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. I’m a parent, not a nanny, but your response to the PP solidifies that you’re a judgmental pompous pill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More parents should start thinking more about what’s best for their child, and less about what’s most convenient for them.

The earliest years of life are the very foundation for the rest of your child’s entire life. This isn’t the time to skimp on costs if neither the parents nor extended family is willing/available to do the important work of infant/ toddler care. Stability, competence and love are all critical.

Stability, competence and love are not unique to nannies, au pairs, and at home parents / family. Some nannies are not very good and some daycares are amazing.

And adding on to my comment - grandparents may be loving and well intentioned, but the vast majority of them have nothing on the energy and current knowledge infant / toddler safety and development of a 25yr old with a degree in early childhood education and a preschool full of safe spaces with tons of age appropriate toys and playground equipment. I felt 1000% better with my kids on a fully fenced and alarmed preschool playground with proper adult ratios than imagining my 73yr old mother breaking a hip chasing my 2yr old if he decided to bolt from a public park towards a parking lot or road.

Not everybody waits until they’re 100 to have kids and ends up with a 73 year old grandmother taking care of a 2 year old. When I’m 73, the grandkids I already have will be 21, 18 and 14. And before you write me off as an uneducated teenaged mother, I have a masters degree and so do all of my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids (and my sibling’s, which came later) have always been taken care of by their grandparents. They see a lot of kids with nannies at the park and playgrounds. Some are pretty damned good and attentive, but most are just plain awful. Your nanny could easily be one thing in front of you and another completely different once she’s out the door with your kid.

I’m not saying they’re abusive or anything. Just inattentive and indifferent and sometimes a little short.

At least in a good day care there are rules and regulations and constant supervision and other kids to keep yours engaged and stimulated.

This is true, which is why you need to specify what is appropriate and inappropriate up front in the contract. When our kids were very little we also had a list of places she could take them on outings - when they were very little it was the local park and country club. Because I’m very active in my community there were eyes everywhere. I have tons of SAHM friends, who would always tell me ‘I saw Nanny and Larla today at the XXX. Nanny is so sweet.’ OR “how did you find Nanny? She is the only one I never see on the phone”. I’m the PP who used a service. I also wrote a solid contract and asked her to sign an NDA. No, were not famous, but I don’t want my kids on social media sites until they consent.

Nice try. But no, a “contract” doesn’t solve the problem and having eyes and ears in town doesn’t either. Everybody everywhere has both, and still you see nannies at the parks and playgrounds every day on their phones, being snippy with the kids, chatting with other nannies in their common foreign language while havoc wreaks around them, etc. You may tell yourself your situation is different, but it isn’t.

Again, I’m not saying any of this is the worst thing in the world. It isn’t. But no single individual outside of your own family is going to love your kid the way you do - FACT. At least in day care the indifference is spread around so the risk is lower. Plus, again, there are other kids around and constant supervision by the bosses.

A contract and due diligence worked for me. Perhaps you should talk from a point of experience rather than judgement and envy.

Oh, and "nice try"?!?!?

Envy? hahahaha. You’re not gonna get any nanny on earth who holds a candle to my mother. Not even Mary Friggin Poppins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems as though I've come across a number of moms who say things like, "I don't believe in nannies" or "I would never let a non-family member watch my children" despite being in a HH where both parents work full time outside the home. I'm genuinely curious (no judgment) -- if this is you, could you please explain why this is your philosophy?

Jealousy because they either cannot afford a nanny or cannot find a nanny who wants to work for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends had bad experiences with a couple nannies before finding a great one. I was absolutely horrified by nanny behavior I saw once while with my own child (the little girl told me the person who was supposed to be watching her was the nanny, so I’m confident it was not a grandparent or something). I 100 percent believe there are amazing nannies and once the nanny is settled it can be great. I was not willing to kiss the frogs to get there and our infant daycare was great. I liked that there were multiple eyes on the room at all times. By 2 my kids were very social and enjoyed the time with other kids and I don’t think we could have afforded a full time nanny plus high quality preschool then. FWIW my introverted younger child struggled more with full day preschool (had been fine for the older one) so if I had not had the ability to let him come home right after we would have needed a different solution- he could not have done multiple hours of aftercare at 4. So I also think it depends on the kid.

We really don't believe you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

+1. I never understood people who placed so little value on the people that they hire to help raise their children. Sad.

Reading comprehension, nannies. You’re of zero value until you prove yourself. I have cameras, and WFH in my own separate suite but pop up randomly. I have plenty of options, including daycare! If you want a job, deal with it. Or is yours so good you spend your time on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. I’m a parent, not a nanny, but your response to the PP solidifies that you’re a judgmental pompous pill.

Haha cool. You should hire these people.

[Anonymous]

I'm an employment lawyer so I fully understand not wanting a household employee, but the judgmental phrasing that the OP is talking about reeks of jealously to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. I’m a parent, not a nanny, but your response to the PP solidifies that you’re a judgmental pompous pill.

Haha cool. You should hire these people.

Also I was also a DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

+1. I never understood people who placed so little value on the people that they hire to help raise their children. Sad.

Reading comprehension, nannies. You’re of zero value until you prove yourself. I have cameras, and WFH in my own separate suite but pop up randomly. I have plenty of options, including daycare! If you want a job, deal with it. Or is yours so good you spend your time on DCUM?

Go back under your bridge, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I manage people all day at work and I do not want a household employee to also manage. I have enough drama with college educated professionals who know office norms and all the moms I know who have a nanny or au pair have situations I don’t want to deal with - constantly asking for raises, arriving late, calling during the work day and asking to leave early, au pairs smoking pot in the house, au pairs getting pregnant, car trouble, family drama, etc.
I use a landscaping company that prefers to text me, I use a house cleaning company I schedule online, and I enjoy taking my kids to a preschool or camp where I don’t have to make small talk with the teachers. Some people love having a personal relationship with a nanny. Those are probably the moms who go on to be FB friends with their kids’ elementary teachers. I prefer having a business relationship with clear boundaries. My kids are still well cared for, but if the teacher’s car breaks down on the way to work, it’s not my issue. I will still get to work on time because the preschool director will call in a sub or cover the class herself.

You sound like a judgemental pompous pill. You do you.

You sound like a nanny who doesn’t get that the boss is the person whose feelings matter. Take a look at the job posts - dozens of candidates and no job postings. You’re the help unless you prove useful enough to be considered otherwise.

DP. What does your last sentence mean: you’re the help unless you prove yourself useful enough to be considered otherwise?

A lot of nannies think they deserve perks that only a valued person would get. Sorry, but you’re not a member of my family when I first hire you - you’re a random off the side of the road in a profession that requires no education.

If you are helpful and go out of your way, then at my discretion you’ll be rewarded. If this doesn’t work for you, quit.

WOW, I would not want to work for you.

You’re not in the running. When you can pay someone then people care what you think.

:lol: So cute that you think that's a race I wanted to run!

OP, obnoxious nanny-hiring moms like this are why having a nanny gets a bad rap.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to be an employer and I also want oversight and high-quality programming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More parents should start thinking more about what’s best for their child, and less about what’s most convenient for them.

The earliest years of life are the very foundation for the rest of your child’s entire life. This isn’t the time to skimp on costs if neither the parents nor extended family is willing/available to do the important work of infant/ toddler care. Stability, competence and love are all critical.

Stability, competence and love are not unique to nannies, au pairs, and at home parents / family. Some nannies are not very good and some daycares are amazing.

And adding on to my comment - grandparents may be loving and well intentioned, but the vast majority of them have nothing on the energy and current knowledge infant / toddler safety and development of a 25yr old with a degree in early childhood education and a preschool full of safe spaces with tons of age appropriate toys and playground equipment. I felt 1000% better with my kids on a fully fenced and alarmed preschool playground with proper adult ratios than imagining my 73yr old mother breaking a hip chasing my 2yr old if he decided to bolt from a public park towards a parking lot or road.

Not everybody waits until they’re 100 to have kids and ends up with a 73 year old grandmother taking care of a 2 year old. When I’m 73, the grandkids I already have will be 21, 18 and 14. And before you write me off as an uneducated teenaged mother, I have a masters degree and so do all of my kids.

I think this response is a really great example as to how everyone’s personal circumstances are different. There isn’t one right fit for everyone.