DW asked for divorce but it’s weird…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s got to make her insane to be left alone with the kids more than she wants to while you are at work at a demanding job, and then at the SAME TIME to have you saying (or thinking) that she isn’t able to care for the kids. I don’t know how she is supposed to reconcile those two things and live her life.

Clearly you think your wife is functioning well enough to take care of your kids solo. If you didn’t, you wouldn't have her caring for your kids solo right now. You would have left your demanding job or moved closer to her mom or hired multiple nannies or whatever.

So, you need to figure out why you can’t admit that you trust your wife with your children and she is a decent mom. You have some issues man.

Go watch some Ted Lasso and learn to tell people that you appreciate them.

Perhaps this man provides good financial support to his family. I just can’t stand some of the women here what the f**k is the guy supposed to do…He is working is ass off so you guys can be finally stable yet ya all are worried about him being workaholics or stupid sh**t like that

He is supposed to take care of his wife and kids. His wife has told him that she needs more support. He knows that she isn't doing well and it's affecting his kids. Beyond providing for basic necessities like food and shelter, what good is it to be financially stable if your family is falling apart? Men can work part time and take "mommy track" jobs too.

Or, if he does think that his family is fine, and he wants to pursue his career, then he can reassure his wife that she's a good mother and he trusts her with the kids.

Right now, he tells her that he doesn't think she is a good parent, doesn't trust her with the kids, and then he leaves her to parent them solo. It's got to be crazy making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The marriage is over. Why are you feeling sad about her well being? After all she filed so let her deal with that decision. Just get yourself mentally and physically ready for a new journey. Lots of women out there to choose from.

It sounds like he's more worried about his wife's actions/reactions to their kids during joint visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s got to make her insane to be left alone with the kids more than she wants to while you are at work at a demanding job, and then at the SAME TIME to have you saying (or thinking) that she isn’t able to care for the kids. I don’t know how she is supposed to reconcile those two things and live her life.

Clearly you think your wife is functioning well enough to take care of your kids solo. If you didn’t, you wouldn't have her caring for your kids solo right now. You would have left your demanding job or moved closer to her mom or hired multiple nannies or whatever.

So, you need to figure out why you can’t admit that you trust your wife with your children and she is a decent mom. You have some issues man.

Go watch some Ted Lasso and learn to tell people that you appreciate them.

Perhaps this man provides good financial support to his family. I just can’t stand some of the women here what the f**k is the guy supposed to do…He is working is ass off so you guys can be finally stable yet ya all are worried about him being workaholics or stupid sh**t like that

He shouldn’t have had kids if he wasn’t planning to take care of them.

Nowhere in the post does he say his wife doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Demanding job is code for “I don’t know or care what goes on in my home but I will sure be critical of my wife”. If you are so busy working, how do you know your wife screamed at the kids, and if you knew it, why didn’t you help her, if not in the moment but later “what can I do to make your life easier” or “Want one kid to stay with me while you drop the other off”, basically you need to convey that you care about her.

I told my husband, and reading this thread made me think of it, kid activities are the only thing really where you have to get the kid there on time, and pick them up on time and have them ready with whatever they need. It can be overwhelming. Also, women tend to get the side eye from the staff “next time, you need to remember a towel” if it’s camp, whereas I’ve seen the same same staff member tell a dad “That’s okay, we have a few extra”. It can be infuriating.

I’d start by doing anything and everything you can to treat your wife well. Do what she needs and wants not what you think she needs or wants. Listen to her, sometimes going out for ice cream can really make everybody’s day. Make sure you aren’t hiding behind work, and if your work really is that busy, do whtever she needs to make life easier, grocery delivery, make it happen. Taking a break to do something fun after supper, make it happen, you can’t work all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the relevance of her taking her thyroid meds? I feel like you’re going to try to make her feel crazy.

Op is a troll

Def not married, def no kids.

Just fabricates zany, illogical stories and sock puppets them.

My wife has thyroid disease and it’s honestly a daily struggle for us, and does involve regular threats of divorce (quickly retracted). I do probably 75% of the housework and am on child duty basically whenever they’re awake—she just doesn’t feel able to watch them herself. Our house is a disaster since I’m basically unable to complete any outdoor tasks that require daylight and are incompatible with watching a toddler. It’s brutal, but I take some heart in the fact that I’m there to focus and absorb the screaming and shouting so my kids don’t have to take it (my poor daughter took a lot of it earlier on but my wife seems to recognize that it’s not fair to a 3-year-old). I know she’s not serious about the divorce threats because she’d never want to watch the kids on her own, or learn the drive the car so she could take them to daycare, so I just chin up and carry on. And I also know it’s not something I’m doing, since she screams at her parents, too (they told her that she needs to take care of the kids more if she wants me to handle outdoor chores) and my parents find her really difficult to get along with.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer, get your own therapist. And a family therapist. But let the divorce happen. Only she can help herself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage has been rocky the past year. DW has refused therapy and claimed she has tried for years and things haven’t improved. The biggest issue in our marriage is that because I had such a demanding job I didn’t give my wife all the emotional support she needed but I have tried my best.

But I am wondering if my wife is suffering from mental illness and quite concerned the impact it could have for our kids especially once we start joint custody.

Look at this patter just so you don’t think I am bitter husband calling his wife mentally Ill because she asked for divorce.

Monday 7 am: she wakes in a bad mood screaming at the kids because they are not ready or things like that…

9 am I get a text from her to tell me to tell my family that she is divorcing me

Around Noon after having taken her thyroid meds her mood improve from a few hours

In the afternoon around 6 Pm she says she loves me

Then around 10 pm she again says she is going to file for divorce the next day

I am quite concerned for her well being….

Here is my advice to you. The person filing for divorce will often have to justify why they are doing it. So don’t be so hard on yourself trying to decipher the why…You will just go crazy.

Her behavior, while I am not a mental health person, is pointing to depression or maybe bipolar. This is serious and speak to her family to get this thing sorted. The divorce is the easy part in this scenario as you will move on but her mental state based on what you described is not normal.

lol

The default reason is “irreconcilable differences.” Nobody lists the real reason they’re filing even if there’s adultery or abuse it rarely makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you drove her crazy.

What are you doing to get the kids on track in the morning?

You two are a team and need to communicate and team.

Posts like OPs don’t really pain the pic of what is going on. Sure OP wants to appear like a victim of something but left out so much. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps she is cheating and the AP is asking her to dump you and be with him instead. Emotionally frustrated women think with their pussy and heart and not their mind.

The guy is likely giving her the runaround about leaving his wife and it is creating all kinds of drama in her. Something is definitely majorly off and I don't think it's thyroid meds. Lol

[Anonymous]

Thyroid meds? Seriously? I'd give you perimenopause, but not thyroid meds.

IF anything, the thyroid meds took away anxiety and anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look up borderline personality disorder. My sympathies to you and your kids, and DW.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thyroid meds? Seriously? I'd give you perimenopause, but not thyroid meds.

IF anything, the thyroid meds took away anxiety and anger.

Just to clarify, I’m the poster at 12:17, not original poster. I agree, thyroid medications can take away anger and anxiety, but it’s not overnight and it’s still like riding a roller-coaster. It’s probably minimum 6 months and because some thyroid diseases are autoimmune (like my wife’s) you can get flare-ups. There are decent stretches and bad stretches. Just making the point that it’s very hard to live with someone who has thyroid disease. I’m there for my kids and “in sickness and in health” for my wife.

[Anonymous]

Something is very wrong here, because there is no medical protocol that supports a patient taking thyroid medication at noon. It's either first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

Also, thyroid meds DO NOT ACT THAT FAST. After 6 weeks on the same dose every day, a patient is considered barely stabilized. No way would a pill ever have any sort of effect after a few hours!!!

I suspect OP is a troll, and if he's not, then neither he nor his wife have any clue how to live their lives and treat their medical conditions correctly, let alone figure out how to get along or divorce constructively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The marriage is over. Why are you feeling sad about her well being? After all she filed so let her deal with that decision. Just get yourself mentally and physically ready for a new journey. Lots of women out there to choose from.

PP, did you totally miss that they have children? In his shoes I would be concerned about what life with mom is going to be like for their children. If mom's mental issues go untreated, the whole waking up and screaming at the kids thing will possibly worsen, and dad will not be there to mitigate it (if he does that now; I'm not sure he really does).

OP, a PP above was right that she should take thyroid meds on an empty stomach and wait a few hours before eating--first thing in a.m. or at bedtime. My DH's moods are FAR better with his properly taken thyroid meds.

But it sounds like your wife is off kilter -- Announcing divorce via text (who does that?!), then she loves you, then she wants to divorce....Have you actually sat down, kept your cool, and talked to her about why she has been veering from one thing to another? Are you, OP, willing to say that you want to put divorce talk on hold until you and she both get outside help? I know, she swears she won't do marriage counseling but she sounds like she needs individual therapy ASAP so she can know her own mind before she plunges ahead. And another PP who mentioned depression or bipolar disorder may have the right idea -- your DW needs screening.

But YOU, OP, absolutely must put work on the back burner immediately and focus time and energy on her and your kids, whether it all ends in divorce or not. Your kids need a mentally healthy mother whether you and she stay together or she has the kids 50 percent of the time after divorce and you, OP, need to help make that happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:



Something is very wrong here, because there is no medical protocol that supports a patient taking thyroid medication at noon. It's either first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

Also, thyroid meds DO NOT ACT THAT FAST. After 6 weeks on the same dose every day, a patient is considered barely stabilized. No way would a pill ever have any sort of effect after a few hours!!!

I suspect OP is a troll, and if he's not, then neither he nor his wife have any clue how to live their lives and treat their medical conditions correctly, let alone figure out how to get along or divorce constructively.

Agree. Op is painting a biased and nonsensical picture of things.