How does your redshirted kid feel now that she/he is older?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In my DD's friend group (9th grade) there are 4 girls who are redshirted. No one cares.

My observation as a parent of a teenager with ADHD - redshirting your kid will help. After about 3rd grade, my son was 6 - 18 months behind in the executive functioning elements. Middle school through the beginning of 11th grade was really hard as all the conversations were about completing homework and things that were not done in class. Now at the end of 11th grade I have a kid who has survived a lot of challenges - and I wish it did not need to be that hard for him. He is really smart - but our school is not about being smart - it is about delivering assignments the way the teachers want them.

Kids care and talk. Don't kid yourself.

DP - not at all. I have 4 kids - Redshirting is so common these days. Kids don’t care. If a student repeats 4th grade or something, it will be noticed

It's common in families like yours where you have too many kids to meet their individual needs so you take the easy road vs. the best for the child road. Maybe you young kids don't care but it gets pretty obvious when a senior is 19 all of senior year. Or, a 16 year old freshman is driving.

Huh. My redshirted summer boy will be 18 all senior year just like his non redshirted sister with a September birthday. Same thing.

So, he turns 19 prior to going to college. He should be 18 going to college.

Says who? That's not a real rule.

Normal is to go at 18, except if you were held back. You held your child back so their "normal" timeline has artificially changed.

Hi, Natural Law Lady!

It’s like saying “Beetlejuice” three times. Mention redshirting and this wackjob comes out to inform you that redshirted kids are ostracized losers whose parents are cheating in order to Win the Kindergarten Cage-Match.

If you listen to the actual experiences of actual parents who actually redshirted their actual kids you’ll get a clearer picture.

I have more experience than you with this as I have a September kid and no way would they have wanted me to have held them back. I do have the full picture.

Same. I have an August kid and he says no way would he want to be in a younger grade (now in upper ES). However, I can see that older kids have an advantage in academics and sports. There are boys a full year older than him. But I wasn’t going to hold him back just to be even with the other people who did that.

Not necessarily do older kids have an advantage. Mine is in all the highest level classes and in HS made it into higher level activities as a freshman as well. But, they are on the smaller side and either way were never good at ball sports so holding them back for ball sports would not have made sense.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My daughter was "redshirted" by 4 days. She's in high school now and it's a total non-issue. She has executive function delays and she's doing much better than she would be if she was a grade ahead.

She might have been just fine if she was a grade ahead.

I doubt it. She's autistic (which we didn't know when we decided to hold her back) and her academic, executive function, and social skills have always been delayed. She learned to read in 2nd grade -- I'm glad it wasn't 3rd grade!

This makes no sense and why didn't you get her help? In that year you delayed her, she could have been getting the help she needed from the school vs. having you just ignore things for a year, which probably made it worse vs. better.

Did I say I didn't get her help? Why would you assume I was ignoring anything? In the year that she repeated PK, she was diagnosed and connected to an amazing SN school where she thrived in kindergarten -- she started K as a 5 year old, just like everyone else (turning 6 a few weeks after school started).

She would have been better off in K at that SN school vs. another year of PK without that support.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In my DD's friend group (9th grade) there are 4 girls who are redshirted. No one cares.

My observation as a parent of a teenager with ADHD - redshirting your kid will help. After about 3rd grade, my son was 6 - 18 months behind in the executive functioning elements. Middle school through the beginning of 11th grade was really hard as all the conversations were about completing homework and things that were not done in class. Now at the end of 11th grade I have a kid who has survived a lot of challenges - and I wish it did not need to be that hard for him. He is really smart - but our school is not about being smart - it is about delivering assignments the way the teachers want them.

Kids care and talk. Don't kid yourself.

DP - not at all. I have 4 kids - Redshirting is so common these days. Kids don’t care. If a student repeats 4th grade or something, it will be noticed

Yes, they do care and talk about it.

Not in my experience. My son is a redshirted summer birthday, like so many of his friends. It's their normal.

But are you in DCPS, which OP is?

I have an older child who was redshirted, do you?

I have kids going through the school system that OP’s daughter will be in. I have not seen one child redshirted in all of my children’s classes so far, and that’s hundreds of kids. DCPS does not do redshirting like all of the suburban school districts. Kids WILL assume she’s one of the younger summer birthdays, like every other child in the grade with the same birthday month will be. I’m not saying that will be a problem socially, but it’s something for OP to be aware of. All of the replies saying it’s totally normal and common just don’t apply to OP as long as she’s in DC schools.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/996642.page

And my kids have winter birthdays thankfully. I have zero dog in this fight, so no need to get defensive. i replied just to point out to OP what the norm is where she’s moving.

[Anonymous]

NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

PP here. I forgot you asked about negative social consequences. That is only a thing in the heads of DCUM posters. My son said it was never socially an issue, not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD's friend group (9th grade) there are 4 girls who are redshirted. No one cares.

My observation as a parent of a teenager with ADHD - redshirting your kid will help. After about 3rd grade, my son was 6 - 18 months behind in the executive functioning elements. Middle school through the beginning of 11th grade was really hard as all the conversations were about completing homework and things that were not done in class. Now at the end of 11th grade I have a kid who has survived a lot of challenges - and I wish it did not need to be that hard for him. He is really smart - but our school is not about being smart - it is about delivering assignments the way the teachers want them.

Kids care and talk. Don't kid yourself.

DP - not at all. I have 4 kids - Redshirting is so common these days. Kids don’t care. If a student repeats 4th grade or something, it will be noticed

Yes, they do care and talk about it.

Not in my experience. My son is a redshirted summer birthday, like so many of his friends. It's their normal.

But are you in DCPS, which OP is?

I have an older child who was redshirted, do you?

I have kids going through the school system that OP’s daughter will be in. I have not seen one child redshirted in all of my children’s classes so far, and that’s hundreds of kids. DCPS does not do redshirting like all of the suburban school districts. Kids WILL assume she’s one of the younger summer birthdays, like every other child in the grade with the same birthday month will be. I’m not saying that will be a problem socially, but it’s something for OP to be aware of. All of the replies saying it’s totally normal and common just don’t apply to OP as long as she’s in DC schools.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/996642.page

And my kids have winter birthdays thankfully. I have zero dog in this fight, so no need to get defensive. i replied just to point out to OP what the norm is where she’s moving.

I'm just answering OP's question. I see you didn't answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

Most kids are 17 for a few weeks and 18 for most of freshman year. Your post is misleading. Your child will be 18 for a few weeks turning 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

PP here. I forgot you asked about negative social consequences. That is only a thing in the heads of DCUM posters. My son said it was never socially an issue, not once.

I wouldn't want my son being 18 dating a 17 or younger as if he's accused of something he can be tried as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

Most kids are 17 for a few weeks and 18 for most of freshman year. Your post is misleading. Your child will be 18 for a few weeks turning 19.

Most kids are not 17. What are you talking about? I have a summer birthday, wasn't redshirted, and even I was 18 going to college. Most places have cutoffs between Aug-Oct (and the few outlier 12/31). Only kids with those birthdays might still be 17 if they weren't redshirted. A fraction of freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. My child was not intentionally redshirted but ended up so after a move (and then was un-redshirted when we moved again). He is now a senior and is happy it worked out the way it did. He said he is glad he didn’t go to college last year at 17 and is looking forward to going next year at 18.

Most kids are 17 for a few weeks and 18 for most of freshman year. Your post is misleading. Your child will be 18 for a few weeks turning 19.

He won’t be 19 until almost halfway through freshman year.

Anti-redshirters are so ridiculous in their self-certainty and yet simultaneous inability to do math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my DD's friend group (9th grade) there are 4 girls who are redshirted. No one cares.

My observation as a parent of a teenager with ADHD - redshirting your kid will help. After about 3rd grade, my son was 6 - 18 months behind in the executive functioning elements. Middle school through the beginning of 11th grade was really hard as all the conversations were about completing homework and things that were not done in class. Now at the end of 11th grade I have a kid who has survived a lot of challenges - and I wish it did not need to be that hard for him. He is really smart - but our school is not about being smart - it is about delivering assignments the way the teachers want them.

Kids care and talk. Don't kid yourself.

Kids do not care. I grew up in the northeast where the cutoff was Dec 31. Redshirting was rarer then, but we had a June redshirt and a November. Nobody ever paid attention. The June boy was very quiet, very shy, very smart and is now very successful as an adult. The November girl did fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was "redshirted" by 4 days. She's in high school now and it's a total non-issue. She has executive function delays and she's doing much better than she would be if she was a grade ahead.

She might have been just fine if she was a grade ahead.

I doubt it. She's autistic (which we didn't know when we decided to hold her back) and her academic, executive function, and social skills have always been delayed. She learned to read in 2nd grade -- I'm glad it wasn't 3rd grade!

This makes no sense and why didn't you get her help? In that year you delayed her, she could have been getting the help she needed from the school vs. having you just ignore things for a year, which probably made it worse vs. better.

Did I say I didn't get her help? Why would you assume I was ignoring anything? In the year that she repeated PK, she was diagnosed and connected to an amazing SN school where she thrived in kindergarten -- she started K as a 5 year old, just like everyone else (turning 6 a few weeks after school started).

She would have been better off in K at that SN school vs. another year of PK without that support.

Wow. Who judges the parents of a special needs child about their interventions? Do you have any idea what these parents go through trying to help their kids? Seriously, get lost.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be more damaging to be an older kid and have a lot of struggles compared to much younger classmates than struggles with same aged peers. The fact is your child will always have struggles (ADHD), holding her back isn't going to change anything in any way that would make a huge difference, especially if academically she's fine moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be more damaging to be an older kid and have a lot of struggles compared to much younger classmates than struggles with same aged peers. The fact is your child will always have struggles (ADHD), holding her back isn't going to change anything in any way that would make a huge difference, especially if academically she's fine moving forward.

So you're just talking out your ass and don't have much experience with what you're talking about. That much is clear.

[Anonymous]

If they are smart and do well on the academic side, nobody cares that they are the oldest.

If they are dummies, being the oldest makes it much worse. They'll get ridiculed for it so much more.