Nanny who is "too chatty" within our community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound unhinged. Talking to the other parents and setting up playdates is helping your kids have a more engaging social life. If you want to be a SAHM then do it, but don't blame the nanny for this situation.

+1. You think she is going to run off with your child? This goes beyond even jealousy to some kind of delusion.

We've had 3 other nannies over the course of 12 years and I've never felt anything like this before. I think sharing more context is now considered "trolling" so I won't go there. I'm letting this nanny go. Thanks for letting me think out loud. All three of my other nannies were better and I never felt anything like this before - not even close. Also, I do plan to cut back on work. Thanks to other posters for the hard truth on that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound unhinged. Talking to the other parents and setting up playdates is helping your kids have a more engaging social life. If you want to be a SAHM then do it, but don't blame the nanny for this situation.

+1. You think she is going to run off with your child? This goes beyond even jealousy to some kind of delusion.

We've had 3 other nannies over the course of 12 years and I've never felt anything like this before. I think sharing more context is now considered "trolling" so I won't go there. I'm letting this nanny go. Thanks for letting me think out loud. All three of my other nannies were better and I never felt anything like this before - not even close. Also, I do plan to cut back on work. Thanks to other posters for the hard truth on that one.

So the 3 other nannies were younger, in their 20s, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound unhinged. Talking to the other parents and setting up playdates is helping your kids have a more engaging social life. If you want to be a SAHM then do it, but don't blame the nanny for this situation.

+1. You think she is going to run off with your child? This goes beyond even jealousy to some kind of delusion.

We've had 3 other nannies over the course of 12 years and I've never felt anything like this before. I think sharing more context is now considered "trolling" so I won't go there. I'm letting this nanny go. Thanks for letting me think out loud. All three of my other nannies were better and I never felt anything like this before - not even close. Also, I do plan to cut back on work. Thanks to other posters for the hard truth on that one.

Your OP said this current nanny was “better than most” now you’re saying the other nannies are better? Ok. I hope you find happiness and take more time to be with your kids. I cannot blame you for that one bit.

[Anonymous]

We have three very nice parks around our house. I coordinate play dates and parks with the nannies of the kids who play well with our children. I consider them the guardians of their wards and it is a low stakes get together anyways.

Maybe next time I will get some coffee and scones too and have an impromptu social gathering. It’s not as if I am trying to be friends with the moms of these children.

[Anonymous]

I think your feelings about the nanny are telling you something bigger is going on. Are you not friends with the moms at school and jealous she is? Short of her showing up to drink wine with your neighbors or going on a girls trip with other moms that you are not invited to - I think you need to back off and be thankful she’s part of your village.

SAHMs in my neighborhood tend to do things like having a BD party at 3pm on Wednesday. If the play date or activity fell squarely within a time the other moms knew my child was under her care, I would want them to work with the nanny to include my child. It is also my experience that the sahms in my neighborhood seem to make plans verbally and on short notice. If I made them text me during the workday instead of trusting my nanny’s judgement, my kid wouldn’t have a social life.

Kids with working moms go to Extended Day and plans are made at pick-up and drop off there.

Kids with sahms have plans coordinated on the walk home from school or the playground after school. If your kid has the schedule of a kid with a sahm, you need your nanny to coordinate with those moms/nanny/au pairs. If she doesn’t your kid will be left out of both groups.

Don’t let your ego and sadness about your last baby being your last deprive your child of a social life. Be thankful the moms include your child.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully this nanny finds a good family who appreciates her. She sounds wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully this nanny finds a good family who appreciates her. She sounds wonderful!

Are the last 3 posters the same person?

Lol. Yes, hopefully she finds a good family. There’s nothing wrong with OP letting her current nanny go because she simply doesn’t like her.

The above poster is way to invested this post and spewing a lot of unwarranted hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your feelings about the nanny are telling you something bigger is going on. Are you not friends with the moms at school and jealous she is? Short of her showing up to drink wine with your neighbors or going on a girls trip with other moms that you are not invited to - I think you need to back off and be thankful she’s part of your village.

SAHMs in my neighborhood tend to do things like having a BD party at 3pm on Wednesday. If the play date or activity fell squarely within a time the other moms knew my child was under her care, I would want them to work with the nanny to include my child. It is also my experience that the sahms in my neighborhood seem to make plans verbally and on short notice. If I made them text me during the workday instead of trusting my nanny’s judgement, my kid wouldn’t have a social life.

Kids with working moms go to Extended Day and plans are made at pick-up and drop off there.

Kids with sahms have plans coordinated on the walk home from school or the playground after school. If your kid has the schedule of a kid with a sahm, you need your nanny to coordinate with those moms/nanny/au pairs. If she doesn’t your kid will be left out of both groups.

Don’t let your ego and sadness about your last baby being your last deprive your child of a social life. Be thankful the moms include your child.

Thanks. You're right. There is some ego and sadness at play here, too. This probably resolves itself next year when youngest goes to school all day and activities pickup. And I need to work less and be at the later activities more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully this nanny finds a good family who appreciates her. She sounds wonderful!

Are the last 3 posters the same person?

Lol. Yes, hopefully she finds a good family. There’s nothing wrong with OP letting her current nanny go because she simply doesn’t like her.

The above poster is way to invested this post and spewing a lot of unwarranted hate.

Totally new to this thread but three nannies in 12 years...what do the kids think about the nanny? Is it really worth changing things up because the OP is a troll, oops..sorry. Not a troll, a concerned parent who doesn't even mention her kids' well-beings or preferences....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully this nanny finds a good family who appreciates her. She sounds wonderful!

Are the last 3 posters the same person?

Lol. Yes, hopefully she finds a good family. There’s nothing wrong with OP letting her current nanny go because she simply doesn’t like her.

The above poster is way to invested this post and spewing a lot of unwarranted hate.

Totally new to this thread but three nannies in 12 years...what do the kids think about the nanny? Is it really worth changing things up because the OP is a troll, oops..sorry. Not a troll, a concerned parent who doesn't even mention her kids' well-beings or preferences....

3 nannies in 12 years is nothing. Au pairs cycle every year or two. Keeping a nanny for longer than four years is rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a nanny in her mid-thirties who never had kids of her own. She's pretty good but not great. We've had different nannies for 12 years now - she's better than most: she's almost always available when we need her for a later night or if we want to get away for an overnight trip she can do it. My issue is that she's starting to insert herself into what should be "my" role as a mom - like she directly plans play dates and is getting birthday party invites directly from other parents for my youngest. She sits around chatting with moms at school and extracurricular activities. I'm starting to want to just fire her and stay home with my last kid. I've never felt this way before. I actually like-to-love my job that I've spent my entire life working to create. I also hate the idea of becoming financially dependent on my spouse. Our marriage is mostly good but we've had some trials. I've just never felt this way about a nanny before, mostly because I've never had one who overstepped in this way. I also feel like she's become overly attached to my youngest, like I have this fear of her running away with my child. Again, never before in 12 years have I felt like this before.
Am I being ridiculous here? Any dealt with this?

Yes. She's actually doing what she's supposed to do. You hired her to do just that.
I don't get the part about chatting with neighbors, play date invites. Why can't she do that?

[Anonymous]

If you’re honest with yourself, is your root issue here that (you feel like) she’s connecting with these parents you wish you were friends with more/better than you are?

If that’s the case, why not use this to your advantage? Nanny can help bridge those connections for you

[Anonymous]

This makes me really sad for your kid. You have a good nanny who is doing a good job. You seem insecure. Don’t make a decision you will regret. It seems like she is doing what many of us who work fulltime would love our childcare providers to do. I suggest some navel gazing before you let her go.

[Anonymous]

I knew a hateful mom that loved to gossip. We all stayed away from her.
Op just admit you are jealous and point the finger at yourself for not controlling your emotions.

The others are doing fine while you sink in the abyss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I knew a hateful mom that loved to gossip. We all stayed away from her.
Op just admit you are jealous and point the finger at yourself for not controlling your emotions.

The others are doing fine while you sink in the abyss

What is going on here? Are you OP's nanny? Your responses are straight up psycho. Anyone can fire a nanny at any time if things aren't working out for any reason at all. Nannies are at will employees and nothing more. If OP's relationship with her nanny is causing her distress, regardless of any other factor, by all means, OP should move on.