Nanny who is "too chatty" within our community

[Anonymous]

We have a nanny in her mid-thirties who never had kids of her own. She's pretty good but not great. We've had different nannies for 12 years now - she's better than most: she's almost always available when we need her for a later night or if we want to get away for an overnight trip she can do it. My issue is that she's starting to insert herself into what should be "my" role as a mom - like she directly plans play dates and is getting birthday party invites directly from other parents for my youngest. She sits around chatting with moms at school and extracurricular activities. I'm starting to want to just fire her and stay home with my last kid. I've never felt this way before. I actually like-to-love my job that I've spent my entire life working to create. I also hate the idea of becoming financially dependent on my spouse. Our marriage is mostly good but we've had some trials. I've just never felt this way about a nanny before, mostly because I've never had one who overstepped in this way. I also feel like she's become overly attached to my youngest, like I have this fear of her running away with my child. Again, never before in 12 years have I felt like this before.
Am I being ridiculous here? Any dealt with this?

[Anonymous]

You sound very jealous!

[Anonymous]

She wants to be in control so she can make sure things are in her comfort zone and easiest for her. Over the years she’s learned how to manipulate moms. It’s not that she wants to replace a mom. It’s because she wants to be in complete control and not have you make decisions as to where and when she’s going to be doing things…. Very common. Make sure that you set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very jealous!

I disagree. She needs to set some boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wants to be in control so she can make sure things are in her comfort zone and easiest for her. Over the years she’s learned how to manipulate moms. It’s not that she wants to replace a mom. It’s because she wants to be in complete control and not have you make decisions as to where and when she’s going to be doing things…. Very common. Make sure that you set boundaries.

She’s taking initiative. Why wouldn’t she make things easiest for her? It’s her JOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very jealous!

I disagree. She needs to set some boundaries.

NP. What boundaries?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure I see the problem. When I was a SAHM doing pickups, I would chat with anyone, even if I knew they were a nanny. I thought of them as people and not servants to be avoided. I would plan meet ups at the park, but not a playdate at my or their house unless I contacted the parent to be sure nanny has that flexibility. I would assume a birthday invite in the hands of the nanny would be a reliable way to make sure it got to the parent, instead of a back pack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very jealous!

OP here. Perhaps I do. Maybe my feelings are telling me to fire her, quit my job and enjoy time with my youngest? Or maybe better boundaries solves this problem. Again, we've had several nannies and never had this dynamic before.

[Anonymous]

I think you are probably feeling this pang as this is your youngest child (and last?). I would try and arrange some one on one time them at the weekend and take some time off over the summer if you can for day trips etc.

I have never had a nanny but I often chatted and made arrangements with other children's nannies at the school gates as they were often more welcoming than the parents!

[Anonymous]

If you like your job, why don’t you just find another nanny instead of blowing up your life?

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous as hell. You have to decide, do you want to miss out on these things experiences or quit/scale back your job?


I thought this was going to be about a nanny who is gossiping / spreading private info about your family around town. You’re upset she’s setting up play dates and accepting birthday invites…?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound very jealous!

I disagree. She needs to set some boundaries.

Really? Do you think she shouldn’t be talking to mom’s or chatting with people? She gets played invitations to cause she’s the one that other people see the most. OP sounds very jealous.

Maybe the one area she can improve on if not make play date plans that would impact the parents time with the kid but otherwise that’s her job. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Sometimes some of you think the help should be invisible and lowly.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]We have a nanny in her mid-thirties who never had kids of her own. She's pretty good but not great. We've had different nannies for 12 years now - she's better than most: she's almost always available when we need her for a later night or if we want to get away for an overnight trip she can do it. My issue is that she's starting to insert herself into what should be "my" role as a mom - like she directly plans play dates and is getting birthday party invites directly from other parents for my youngest. She sits around chatting with moms at school and extracurricular activities. I'm starting to want to just fire her and stay home with my last kid. I've never felt this way before. I actually like-to-love my job that I've spent my entire life working to create. I also hate the idea of becoming financially dependent on my spouse. Our marriage is mostly good but we've had some trials. I've just never felt this way about a nanny before, mostly because I've never had one who overstepped in this way. I also feel like she's become overly attached to my youngest, like I have this fear of her running away with my child. Again, never before in 12 years have I felt like this before.
Am I being ridiculous here? Any dealt with this? [/quote]

I wish my nanny would be this social. OP your kids are really benefiting from this - SAHMs don’t want to do play dates with Nannies. You have a rare one that they will. It’s all about your kids and that is the best for them. You can always take some random afternoons off and take your kid out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I thought this was going to be about a nanny who is gossiping / spreading private info about your family around town. You’re upset she’s setting up play dates and accepting birthday invites…?!

Me too, I don't get it. I don't see a problem with any of the below.

She directly plans play dates and is getting birthday party invites directly from other parents for my youngest. She sits around chatting with moms at school and extracurricular activities.