Nanny who is "too chatty" within our community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous as hell. You have to decide, do you want to miss out on these things experiences or quit/scale back your job?


I thought this was going to be about a nanny who is gossiping / spreading private info about your family around town. You’re upset she’s setting up play dates and accepting birthday invites…?!

+100
The nanny is doing everything the mom would be doing in that situation. It would be weird if she *didn't* become friendly with the other moms/nannies, and do her best to keep the child happy and engaged. This mom is definitely jealous.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM for many years and became good friends with a couple of nannies. I would see them all the time at school and the playground and we just formed natural friendships. I think the moms - who I almost never saw - were jealous of that, but what did they expect?

[Anonymous]

When I had my 3rd child I decided to stay home. Worked out best for everyone.

I did keep the weekly housekeeper but not the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Did someone already post this?



https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0104389/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even know what “boundaries” would look like here- “please don’t talk to other parents in the dance waiting room?”

“Please don’t accept any birthday invitations.”
“Please don’t make any play dates for Larla.”
“Please don’t speak to any of the other parents.”


Then I want you to come back to us and report back if she’ll be available for you on those spur of the moment late nights that you seem to enjoy. Or if she’s going to stay late when you have something to do after work.

OP. I don't use her for "spur of the moment late nights". I plan things out in advance and part it was part of the job description. Never goes over 40 hours. Look, I've never had a nanny get birthday party invites directly or gossip with my neighbors and have it get back to me. I've had another nanny who did a great job with playdates and I appreciated it. This one is different. Apparently giving more facts is considered "trolling" and the fact that I am annoyed with the way she has inserted herself into my life makes me seem "unhinged". I am leaning more toward just finding a new nanny and also cutting back on work. I've never felt like this before and something is off here. I can't tie it to anything else going on in my life right now. Maybe it's simply a personality conflict.

I think Taylor Swift has a song…
You want to be home with your youngest, just own it. Don’t go blaming the nanny. Take LWOP and 6 mos off to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a nanny in her mid-thirties who never had kids of her own. She's pretty good but not great. We've had different nannies for 12 years now - she's better than most: she's almost always available when we need her for a later night or if we want to get away for an overnight trip she can do it. My issue is that she's starting to insert herself into what should be "my" role as a mom - like she directly plans play dates and is getting birthday party invites directly from other parents for my youngest. She sits around chatting with moms at school and extracurricular activities. I'm starting to want to just fire her and stay home with my last kid. I've never felt this way before. I actually like-to-love my job that I've spent my entire life working to create. I also hate the idea of becoming financially dependent on my spouse. Our marriage is mostly good but we've had some trials. I've just never felt this way about a nanny before, mostly because I've never had one who overstepped in this way. I also feel like she's become overly attached to my youngest, like I have this fear of her running away with my child. Again, never before in 12 years have I felt like this before.
Am I being ridiculous here? Any dealt with this?

A nanny is a surrogate mother and you made the choice to be financially independent instead of a hands in parent and now you're jealous. Choices have consequences. At this point, your children prefer nanny to you. No matter what you think or what other posters will tell you. I know from being a child who was brought up by nannies. Children bond with the person they see during their waking hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even know what “boundaries” would look like here- “please don’t talk to other parents in the dance waiting room?”

“Please don’t accept any birthday invitations.”
“Please don’t make any play dates for Larla.”
“Please don’t speak to any of the other parents.”


Then I want you to come back to us and report back if she’ll be available for you on those spur of the moment late nights that you seem to enjoy. Or if she’s going to stay late when you have something to do after work.

OP. I don't use her for "spur of the moment late nights". I plan things out in advance and part it was part of the job description. Never goes over 40 hours. Look, I've never had a nanny get birthday party invites directly or gossip with my neighbors and have it get back to me. I've had another nanny who did a great job with playdates and I appreciated it. This one is different. Apparently giving more facts is considered "trolling" and the fact that I am annoyed with the way she has inserted herself into my life makes me seem "unhinged". I am leaning more toward just finding a new nanny and also cutting back on work. I've never felt like this before and something is off here. I can't tie it to anything else going on in my life right now. Maybe it's simply a personality conflict.

So you’re going to to rip a loving person out of your kid’s life because you can’t manage your mind?

I’ve been on both sides. I used to feel same about my nanny, but I KNEW it was my problem. She was fantastic, and I’m not a total idiot. We should be so lucky to have competent, caring people look after our kids.

I’ve also been SAHM and it is quite common to make playdates with the nanny. I also knew most of the moms. You’re being unreasonable on this front. Re what she said - we don’t know what it is and it seems like you’re grasping for one last mail for her coffin.

Only a woman could write this. A nanny is an employee, you do not “rip a loving person” out of a contract. Only a woman would insist an insecure mother who feels sad about her last child and uncomfortable around an encroaching employee shut up and pay this nanny to continue. I swear some women will light themselves on fire in an effort to preserve the illusion that they are just towards all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even know what “boundaries” would look like here- “please don’t talk to other parents in the dance waiting room?”

“Please don’t accept any birthday invitations.”
“Please don’t make any play dates for Larla.”
“Please don’t speak to any of the other parents.”


Then I want you to come back to us and report back if she’ll be available for you on those spur of the moment late nights that you seem to enjoy. Or if she’s going to stay late when you have something to do after work.

OP. I don't use her for "spur of the moment late nights". I plan things out in advance and part it was part of the job description. Never goes over 40 hours. Look, I've never had a nanny get birthday party invites directly or gossip with my neighbors and have it get back to me. I've had another nanny who did a great job with playdates and I appreciated it. This one is different. Apparently giving more facts is considered "trolling" and the fact that I am annoyed with the way she has inserted herself into my life makes me seem "unhinged". I am leaning more toward just finding a new nanny and also cutting back on work. I've never felt like this before and something is off here. I can't tie it to anything else going on in my life right now. Maybe it's simply a personality conflict.

So you’re going to to rip a loving person out of your kid’s life because you can’t manage your mind?

I’ve been on both sides. I used to feel same about my nanny, but I KNEW it was my problem. She was fantastic, and I’m not a total idiot. We should be so lucky to have competent, caring people look after our kids.

I’ve also been SAHM and it is quite common to make playdates with the nanny. I also knew most of the moms. You’re being unreasonable on this front. Re what she said - we don’t know what it is and it seems like you’re grasping for one last mail for her coffin.

Only a woman could write this. A nanny is an employee, you do not “rip a loving person” out of a contract. Only a woman would insist an insecure mother who feels sad about her last child and uncomfortable around an encroaching employee shut up and pay this nanny to continue. I swear some women will light themselves on fire in an effort to preserve the illusion that they are just towards all.

A nanny may be an employee to you but to a child who has been cared for by this person all of it's life, she is the major person in it's life.