My girlfriend doesn’t clean when she’s here

[Anonymous]

YTA in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said she got ticked off. What exactly was her response? As a woman with tons of hair I hope she ripped you a new one…

Me: could start helping me clean before you leave

Her: okay? Where is this coming from?

Me: I came home from the gym and my house was a mess

Her: how so?

Me: I’m not trying to be a jerk if that’s what you’re thinking

Her: me either, just genuinely curious how I personally contributed to the mess.

Me: the floors…found hair everywhere
Me: Again, not being a jerk and I understand it’s not your house… but it questions me how it would be if we lived together


Her: wow okay. If I left hair on the floor then I apologize but to equate that to now you’re questioning how it would be living together is extremely reactionary, over the top, unnecessary, and hurtful.

Her: You spit in the kitchen sink, which is extremely unsanitary and have repeatedly asked you not to do that. Go check the inside of your microwave. Go check the condition of your tub - also, pointed out by your sister. I could go on but not once did I tell you “now I’m questioning how it would be to live together”. I’m with my parents right now. I’ll talk to you later.

Wait, all this time I thought you were this extreme neat freak, or even a neat freak but you’re not even that - YTA.

I hope takes all of her hair and dumps you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lives hours away so she comes and stays with me about 2 weeks at time. When she’s here she does clean up behind herself but that’s it. She left today and I texted her asking her if she could start helping me clean before she leaves. This for some reason ticked her off.

How was I wrong here?

Do you clean her place?

[Anonymous]

OP: is she fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend lives hours away so she comes and stays with me about 2 weeks at time. When she’s here she does clean up behind herself but that’s it. She left today and I texted her asking her if she could start helping me clean before she leaves. This for some reason ticked her off.

How was I wrong here?

Do you clean her place?

No. She recently moved back home with her parents to save money after her lease ended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: is she fat?

No….?

[Anonymous]

This is all weird. Like, OP, you haven't answered why you don't just get a cleaning service. Consider her contribution to said cleaning service the cost of her gas to drive to you.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sounds like she should be the one concerned about what it would be like if you moved in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

I don't think I've ever dated someone over 25 who didn't have a housekeeper, so that alone would be a big red flag for me personally. For me it's dumb to introduce this as an issue in a relationship since it can be so easily solved by paying for weekly cleaning. If OP doesn't solve it, he's either too poor (pass) or he's got some backward idea about the role of women in a relationship (hard pass).

Most people don't have cleaners, they do it themselves. If I'm a guest at a place where host cleans themselves, I would try to clean before I leave or send a gift card so they can get it cleaned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is all weird. Like, OP, you haven't answered why you don't just get a cleaning service. Consider her contribution to said cleaning service the cost of her gas to drive to you.

Likely, he contributes with housing, food etc.

[Anonymous]

It would be awesome if the next time she comes over she has the same haircut as OP 😁

[Anonymous]

OP, unless your gf is a messy person in general or in her own place, don't assume the way she treats your place now will translate once you move in together. As PPs have mentioned, she is currently a guest, and may not have the same investment in your place as she would as a resident. I recently moved in with my bf after dating three years and just started cleaning other areas of the house, and this is coming from a neat freak who's dating the opposite! Previously I'd clean up after myself and the kitchedn if I cooked - he never asked me to clean otherwise - but it wasn't until I moved in that I felt comfortable getting down and dirty with his dust bunnies and such. If you care about this woman, revisit the conversation with kindness and compassion.

[Anonymous]

That's why it's important to live together so you can explore if you two can live with each other's annoying habits or can improve to meet half way.

[Anonymous]

Only a maid can save this relationship.

[Anonymous]

In this case, women can't afford rent there is that. You don't want someone to move in with you to save rent and avoid living with their parents.