My girlfriend doesn’t clean when she’s here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

You must live a very precious life if finding a hair in the bathroom seems like such an extraordinary event. Sorry, op is way out of line and I hope the gf figures this out sooner rather than later.

I just clean up after myself if I'm a guest in someone's home. I've been clean and lived in poverty so there's nothing fancy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

I don't think I've ever dated someone over 25 who didn't have a housekeeper, so that alone would be a big red flag for me personally. For me it's dumb to introduce this as an issue in a relationship since it can be so easily solved by paying for weekly cleaning. If OP doesn't solve it, he's either too poor (pass) or he's got some backward idea about the role of women in a relationship (hard pass).

[Anonymous]

Hopefully she tells you to go make more money so you can hire a maid instead of pressing your girlfriend into service bc you are too cheap. I hope she dumps you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

I don't think I've ever dated someone over 25 who didn't have a housekeeper, so that alone would be a big red flag for me personally. For me it's dumb to introduce this as an issue in a relationship since it can be so easily solved by paying for weekly cleaning. If OP doesn't solve it, he's either too poor (pass) or he's got some backward idea about the role of women in a relationship (hard pass).

I mean...that's a different perspective and I hear you, but for some - basic cleanliness and how you treat others' spaces matters. I think you're in a different lane than me when you can say well they may be dirty but they pay for weekly cleaning so that's cool. So yes, I must have dated poor people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

Neither sweeping the floors of your air bnb nor expecting your visiting girlfriend to clean your apartment are normal behavior. However it sounds like you and op might be a good match as fellow obsessive compulsives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you two can't amicably discuss and solve small issues to mutual satisfaction then its a problem.

No OP can’t have an amicable discussion. He tells her over text, after she’s left, there’s hair on the floor and now I’m questioning how it would be to live with you. What a POS. No one is going to receive that well. More importantly, if something like hair on the floor makes you question how your future is going to be then you don’t need to be in a relationship.

OP is 100% in the wrong here.

He could have used a different approach but cleaning hair off the floor is the basics of cleaning after yourself. I would also wonder how she lives and cleans by herself.

OP - have you ever stayed at her place or does she live with her parents?

There’s a difference between finding loads of hair on the floor and have day-to-day hair. People lose 100 strands a day. It’s impossible to get up every hair unless you sweep at least once a day. The biggest issue here is that OP jumped straight into now he’s questioning how it would be to live with her because of HAIR. HAIR. Not consistently having piles of dirty laundry with dirty dishes stacked up in the sink, but HAIR.

I’d like to know 1) how clean OP is 2) how she responded.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Is she a girlfriend or a maid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever go and stay with her? And do you help her clean her place while you're there?

I think if you do that it's reasonable to ask for reciprocation. But, if she does all the traveling to you, and cleans up after herself, then you look like a douche asking her to clean up your place.

No she comes and stays with me. The reason why I brought it up is because I came home from the gym and there was hair on the bathroom floor. I told her I wasn’t trying to fight but it was making me question how it would be if we lived together.

Have you ever spent significant time sharing a bathroom with a woman? Serious question. This is par for the course. My husband lives with 3 daughters and me, his wife, and has for 25 years but still talks about it.
He's a nice guy who doesn't think it's my role to clean (at all) but i can say this is a pet peeve.

[Anonymous]

You said she got ticked off. What exactly was her response? As a woman with tons of hair I hope she ripped you a new one…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever go and stay with her? And do you help her clean her place while you're there?

I think if you do that it's reasonable to ask for reciprocation. But, if she does all the traveling to you, and cleans up after herself, then you look like a douche asking her to clean up your place.

No she comes and stays with me. The reason why I brought it up is because I came home from the gym and there was hair on the bathroom floor. I told her I wasn’t trying to fight but it was making me question how it would be if we lived together.

Have you ever spent significant time sharing a bathroom with a woman? Serious question. This is par for the course. My husband lives with 3 daughters and me, his wife, and has for 25 years but still talks about it.
He's a nice guy who doesn't think it's my role to clean (at all) but i can say this is a pet peeve.

Same. But of course with a lot of these men they would freak if their girlfriends/wives got a pixie cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you ever go and stay with her? And do you help her clean her place while you're there?

I think if you do that it's reasonable to ask for reciprocation. But, if she does all the traveling to you, and cleans up after herself, then you look like a douche asking her to clean up your place.

No she comes and stays with me. The reason why I brought it up is because I came home from the gym and there was hair on the bathroom floor. I told her I wasn’t trying to fight but it was making me question how it would be if we lived together.

Have you ever spent significant time sharing a bathroom with a woman? Serious question. This is par for the course. My husband lives with 3 daughters and me, his wife, and has for 25 years but still talks about it.
He's a nice guy who doesn't think it's my role to clean (at all) but i can say this is a pet peeve.

Same. But of course with a lot of these men they would freak if their girlfriends/wives got a pixie cut.

x1000

[Anonymous]

How much hair? Like a hairbrush's worth of hair that didn't make it into the trashcan when she cleaned out her brush? Hair from head or body? Shaved off or naturally shed? only the in the bathroom? Where people shave and brush their hair? Was it also clogging the drain?

I had a GF who would leave hair on the shower stall wall. Gross, right? But I got over that when I realized that was a sh!t ton of hair that didn't go down and clog the drain and she was actually saving me work in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should she? She is already bearing the burden of traveling.

It's your house. You need to clean, or pay someone to do so.

NP. If she's a guest - act like a guest then. I'd be grossed out if a guest left their hair on the bathroom floor. They'd clean up after themselves. If you're a guest in an airbnb you at least sweep sometimes and wash dishes. I don't think OP wants a housekeeper and I think it's right to look at it regarding hygiene/cleanliness in terms of ever living together. So she drives there. She also gets a place to stay, a bf and presumably they go out and do bf/gf things. It's not a lot to ask to clean as if you're living with someone while you're there in a relationship. Stop piling on OP.

I don't think I've ever dated someone over 25 who didn't have a housekeeper, so that alone would be a big red flag for me personally. For me it's dumb to introduce this as an issue in a relationship since it can be so easily solved by paying for weekly cleaning. If OP doesn't solve it, he's either too poor (pass) or he's got some backward idea about the role of women in a relationship (hard pass).

The only hard pass is dating you princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said she got ticked off. What exactly was her response? As a woman with tons of hair I hope she ripped you a new one…

Me: could start helping me clean before you leave

Her: okay? Where is this coming from?

Me: I came home from the gym and my house was a mess

Her: how so?

Me: I’m not trying to be a jerk if that’s what you’re thinking

Her: me either, just genuinely curious how I personally contributed to the mess.

Me: the floors…found hair everywhere
Me: Again, not being a jerk and I understand it’s not your house… but it questions me how it would be if we lived together


Her: wow okay. If I left hair on the floor then I apologize but to equate that to now you’re questioning how it would be living together is extremely reactionary, over the top, unnecessary, and hurtful.

Her: You spit in the kitchen sink, which is extremely unsanitary and have repeatedly asked you not to do that. Go check the inside of your microwave. Go check the condition of your tub - also, pointed out by your sister. I could go on but not once did I tell you “now I’m questioning how it would be to live together”. I’m with my parents right now. I’ll talk to you later.

[Anonymous]

She's visiting you. Your house, you clean. Why can't you visit her?