DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

This is a very reasonable plan

Terrible plan !

Do NOT defer if he decides to take a gap year. Why defer an acceptance to a school that he does not want to attend ?

How does a deferral affect his ability to apply to other schools next cycle ?

You would have to look at the terms of the deferral agreement for the particular school. Ultimately at any school, you'd just lose your deposit, but they wouldn't know that you were applying elsewhere.

By signing the deferral agreement, the student may be contracting to not apply to any other schools.

And there could be consequences at any new school if the terms of a deferral agreement are violated.

I repeat: Do NOT defer the acceptance in this situation for the reasons that I have posted already.

This type of situation has occurred and received publicity with respect to law school acceptances. Student defers an acceptance, then applies next cycle to higher ranked law schools. Student gets into a better law school and deposits there with no intention of abiding by his/her deferral agreement. The new law school finds out and rescinds the acceptance. The old law school rescinds the acceptance due to a violation of the terms of the deferral agreement. The student will have difficulty getting through the character & fitness part of any bar application process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

This is a very reasonable plan

Terrible plan !

Do NOT defer if he decides to take a gap year. Why defer an acceptance to a school that he does not want to attend ?

How does a deferral affect his ability to apply to other schools next cycle ?

You would have to look at the terms of the deferral agreement for the particular school. Ultimately at any school, you'd just lose your deposit, but they wouldn't know that you were applying elsewhere.

By signing the deferral agreement, the student may be contracting to not apply to any other schools.

And there could be consequences at any new school if the terms of a deferral agreement are violated.

I think this is alarmism. A deferral is not a blood oath.

No, it is a contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you can do is support him here. This will serve two purposes. One, it’s fine if he wants to take a gap year. Two, if he is overreacting then he is more likely to realize that if you are not putting up a blocker.

This. You need to let him make his own decisions here, even if they are unwise.

Sure, just stand by and watch while junior tries to clean the blades of a running lawnmower. After all, your parental duties cease once the kid hits 18 years of age. Now you can just stand back and enjoy Juniors screw-ups. Make a video & send it in to America's Funniest Videos. You might win some cash.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is giving up, sulking and running away to lick his wounds.

Working on the farm alone for a year is not going to improve his chance of entry to any college.

He should attend the one he has a place at and work his ASS OFF to get the best grades possible for 2 reasons - improve his chances of success there and make the possibility of transfer viable if at the end of the 1st / start of the 2nd he wants to transfer.

[Anonymous]

Do you know a student at the accepted school that can host him for an overnight visit? It could help him get excited about the school.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised no one has mentioned this but how are his senior year extracurriculars and most importantly grades? A normal senioritis decline in grades is going to make it harder for him next cycle. Also does your son fully realize he will be writing essays and filling out applications again this summer/fall? Can you trust the grandparents to oversee that or will you be doing so remotely? Are you ready to resume campus visits and otherwise find ways to show demonstrated interest?

[Anonymous]

I think the gap year sounds like a win-win for your son and the grandparents. When else will they get that opportunity? I think it’ll make for one hell of an essay, too, in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the gap year sounds like a win-win for your son and the grandparents. When else will they get that opportunity? I think it’ll make for one hell of an essay, too, in the fall.

I would also consider hiring someone - even if just for an hour or two - to review his fall applications. Seems like something might not have been great.

[Anonymous]

I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the gap year sounds like a win-win for your son and the grandparents. When else will they get that opportunity? I think it’ll make for one hell of an essay, too, in the fall.

I would also consider hiring someone - even if just for an hour or two - to review his fall applications. Seems like something might not have been great.

Agree. One out of eleven (1/11) isn't good. Something needs to be changed.

Also, farm work is dangerous. If the son is going to be working on a farm for a year, he will be involved with farm machinery. Not the safest environment.

[Anonymous]

Tess DS to Write an email and call his "favorite likely" and express how much he wants to attend that University, and all the reasons why it is the perfect fit for him, and why he is the perfect fit for it, and that he would accept immediately. wouldn't hurt to send a pic of him in his Univ t-shirt.

Colleges have hundreds/thousands of kids on waitlist, and most decline at this point. Expressing a genuine interest to them may tip the scales at this point.

Do not have a qualified/prepared kid take a gap year- too demoralizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you can do is support him here. This will serve two purposes. One, it’s fine if he wants to take a gap year. Two, if he is overreacting then he is more likely to realize that if you are not putting up a blocker.

This. You need to let him make his own decisions here, even if they are unwise.

Sure, just stand by and watch while junior tries to clean the blades of a running lawnmower. After all, your parental duties cease once the kid hits 18 years of age. Now you can just stand back and enjoy Juniors screw-ups. Make a video & send it in to America's Funniest Videos. You might win some cash.

A flameout in college will be less cinematic but is at least as likely, especially if the kid feels railroaded into it. This board seems to be full of people who believe that legal adults living far from home are marionettes for their parents to manipulate at will, but that’s not reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the gap year sounds like a win-win for your son and the grandparents. When else will they get that opportunity? I think it’ll make for one hell of an essay, too, in the fall.

I would also consider hiring someone - even if just for an hour or two - to review his fall applications. Seems like something might not have been great.

Agree. One out of eleven (1/11) isn't good. Something needs to be changed.

Also, farm work is dangerous. If the son is going to be working on a farm for a year, he will be involved with farm machinery. Not the safest environment.

According to OP's first post, their son has been working on the farm during the summer for the last few years, so he probably has more than a passing familiarity.

That said, most of my relatives farm and many periodically express gratitude that there have never been serious accidents.

[Anonymous]

This area is very conservative (life-wise) and the decisions they make for their kids reflect that. And the advice they give others is rooted in this risk-free mindset.

If you posted this question on any other forum, people would be very enthusiastic. Working hard doing something real is great experience. Gap years can be risky for kids sitting at home, but they're generally very good for kids who actually get a job or join a program. Ron Lieber has the data on this.