DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

I like this advice. I'd save the heavy handiness for next Spring. Say if he fails to apply, he will go to the admitted school a year later.

And he can ride the waitlists in the meantime. I'd make that clear to the grands, that your DS may be backing out if a more likely school offer comes along.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised by all of these negative responses. There’s nothing wrong with taking a gap year. However, he should defer the school he was excepted to, not decline it. He should be able to defer, keep that in his back pocket, and reapply to a few other schools. There’s nothing wrong with this.

This is very common among Europeans and it’s becoming more common among wealthy people in the United States. If you guys are from rural farming backgrounds, you may not realize that. I come from both backgrounds and in the whirl area and the kids who didn’t go to college right away didn’t land well all the time. Sounds like you guys are more privilege now and he will probably just take a year off and go back to college.

However, as I said above, he should defer the place where he was excepted. And he should stay on the waitlist at the others and then either attend one of those or e accept and defer.

I think going to work on the grandparents farm for a year can make for a very good admission essay.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for all the typos I’m dictating

[Anonymous]

Oh, wow. That's a tough one. Really hoping a WL admit comes through that will appeal and solve your problem. I think you are right to worry about a gap year and admission success. We know a kid who was in this position last year and took a gap year doing research/internship, but rejected ED to a reach. Yes, it was a reach, but she is an amazing student with tons of awards, and her gap year stuff was a good addition to her app. thought she would be at least deferred. Going to a great school, but applied to a TON (like 20) this year. School she is going to is probably halfway down her list or more.

The farm sounds awesome, but I agree that it will likely decrease chances for admissions next year unless kid does something dramatic w/ essays, demonstrating interest, winning some awards or other app aspects in the meantime.

But, I suppose it would be a great life experience, and there will always be somewhere that will accept him after a gap and offer him a good education. Good luck w/ it all.

[Anonymous]

All you can do is support him here. This will serve two purposes. One, it’s fine if he wants to take a gap year. Two, if he is overreacting then he is more likely to realize that if you are not putting up a blocker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want to major in? Will working on the farm in anyway relate to it?

DS isn't sure -- he listed biology on his applications, just because it is his stronger academic interest, but he was torn between that and potentially studying business. Broadly speaking, DS is interested in the business of life sciences, which was inspired by his summer work on the farm the past few years. So in that one specific respect, a gap year on the farm might actually help. But I don't know if it would help enough to make up for the other concerns.

Agribusiness is different than the "business of life sciences".

OP: If you do not want to disclose the college or university in question, then please share whether it is an LAC or a university. If a university, was he admitted to the honors college ?

Hiding out on the grandparents working farm isn't likely to spur mature development as other more unknown and risky options might. Not a bad plan, but probably just a strong emotional reaction to receiving so many rejections.

He’s not going to grandma’s basement to play video games. Have you ever been on a farm?
For all his reasons, the farm is a better alternative to Indiana U or wherever. Overreaction or otherwise, he’s old enough to be the decision-maker here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is in agriculture and has hosted multiple wayward high school graduates and college dropouts for a gap year. Every single one of them has thanked us for the experience and went back to school.

Most importantly they get a chance to see what physical labor looks like for the 60 year old employees.

OP, I imagine it's a hard call for your own kids but I concur with the PP above. Let your son do it. The experience will give him valuable work experience and perspective. He may also change his mind about where he wants to go to school, what he wants to study, and career paths. All kids should have more real world work experience. He may also gain some maturity, which would be a huge plus heading into college.

[Anonymous]

Is he mooving on or is he just sheepish about facing the reality of rejection.

As for working on grandma & grandpa's farm, he has been there and done that. Not much growth to be expected. But it should be a comfortable place to hide out and nurse a wounded ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

This is a very reasonable plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should listen to your kid, who is exercising independence in what seems like a really responsible way. He is making a decision that feels right to him, and allowing him to make it (whether or not it goes well!) will benefit your relationship with him in the long term, as well as his confidence in himself. Plus the time with grandparents - of his choosing! It sounds like you have a great kid who knows what he wants/needs right now. Listen to him. College will be there.

The issue may be whether the son is exercising independence or over-reacting to a real life setback.

This would be my concern as well. If we were in OP's shoes with our DS I think we'd sit him down and tell him why we aren't excited about his plan (I think the bolded concern is important to ask him to spend time thinking about) and lay out all the options which I see as:

1) Go to school with the plan to apply out as a transfer student.
2) Go to community college and do the same.
3) Work on grandparents' farm and go to community college and plan to apply.
4) Full gap year and work on farm while reapplying (this being the riskiest option).

That said, after a full conversation and the expectation that DS spend more time thinking on the "why" of his gap year idea, if he still decided to take the year, I'd ultimately accept it. These are young adults and while it's hard to watch them make decisions we don't agree with, ultimately they have to learn to make decisions and live with the outcomes of those choices.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you should trust him. I don't know your son, but I don't think it's realistic that he'd want to forego college altogether after a year of working on a farm. However I'm not sure of his chances of getting into the same colleges, and you should probably pay for a one hour consultation with a college counselor to hash this out, looking at all the details, his profile, grades, etc. Also, I would pay the deposit on the likely, just in case there is a change of heart this summer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

This is a very reasonable plan

Terrible plan !

Do NOT defer if he decides to take a gap year. Why defer an acceptance to a school that he does not want to attend ?

How does a deferral affect his ability to apply to other schools next cycle ?

[Anonymous]

Ooh, I didn't read the pp list of options. I forgot about deferring which is smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

I agree with this and would appreciate that the kid has taken the time to think through and formulate a plan for what he wants to do next year instead of just wallowing in disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Defer from the accepted school for a year - do not decline (say its to help grandparents on the family farm, should be fine).

2. Let him go work on the farm! He will mature and do manual labor and spend time with grandparents - win/win/win.

3. He applies again, writing his essay about helping out on the family farm, which lead him to apply to different schools.

4. He gets in at new schools, or, he attends the one he deferred. Make it clear that these are the only options, he can have a gap year on the farm, but he has to go to college after that

I agree with the above, but would add:

5. He starts working on the farm no more than a week after graduation. This maximizes the time he has to begin his gap year before applications are due (presumably no later than January 2024).

6. He identifies some schools that may accept Spring 2024 enrollees and applies there.

7. Throughout, he works on his new personal essay about how his gap semester/year has changed him. It will be important for him to see how he has grown or been changed by the experience.

I think your kid will be fine and possibly even better for having not gone straight to college. And the added bonus is he gets to spend time with his grandparents and even more so, know that he helped them when they needed it.