Reply to Dating someone whose ex has full custody of their kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, huuuuge red flag. Someone gave up their kids? They are a pos. End of story. [/quote]

Usually it’s not that they “gave them up,” but that their ex-partner basically stole custody.[/quote]

Not possible. If they don’t have them they didn’t do the barest minimum to fight for them. [/quote]

After a divorce, with child support, alimony, divorce costs, often men get stuck with the bulk of the expenses and they simply cannot afford the court battle.[/quote]

Every family court is more than equipped to do this with pro se litigants. The default rules heavily favor fair splits so it’s very hard for a mom to successfully avoid giving a willing dad his time. [/quote]

You really think a Dad will win pro se against an attorney and mom who makes up stories about how bad the dad is?  And, what if mom moved the kids cross country - that is still filing fees, plane tickets, hotel.  And, what about people who cannot travel freely like active duty?[/quote]

Not only do I think a dad will win pro se, up against a lawyer—I know he will. It happens absolutely every day.

Now if dad won’t give up a job that will prevent him from taking 50/50 custody you’re right. He won’t be granted 50/50 custody. Parenting is full of hard choices. Your husband made his choice. [/quote]

+1.  Parenting is choices. My DH chose to travel a lot for work.  I chose to arrange my life a few years to accommodate that (grad school until the youngest was 18 mos.). He always knew I would graduate and work full time, and that the expectation was that he would arrange his life to accommodate me by working at least 50/50 in family and household life. Never happened.  He made his choice. He had a chance yo develop a relationship with the kids. He could easily have changed from govt to beltway bandit work or NGO work (and made more). I raised our kids 100% of the time and took a big career and invome hit for it. As a result, he had zero physical custody, just some visitation, which over the years he voluntarily cut back on. As a result he also out earned me and paid a bigger share of child support.

Choices have consequences. If uou want to make sure you get 50% child custody, make sure you have a demonstrated history of doing 50% of the childcare.  If you want to pay an amount equal to your ex-wife, make sure you marry someone of similar age and education and support her career just as much as your own. [/quote]

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