My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

So your approach is academic and not based in reality. Got it. This is terrible advice.

University of DCUM. Very hard to get into. Need a hook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AND no kids until you’ve been married for 5 years. Really get your spouses to see if they would make a good parent. Observe them.

The “marry young” part is for mutual wealth building.

I totally disagree with waiting for kids. If you both have bachelor's degrees and good white collar jobs, there is literally no reason to wait. Everyone I know who had kids pretty quickly after college is doing great. It didn't hurt their careers what-so-ever. If anything, it got them more ($) help from grandparents (no greater joy than grandkids) and more promotions at work, especially the husband. Married with kids young men look reliable and more mature to the rich bosses. It's a fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

So your approach is academic and not based in reality. Got it. This is terrible advice.

University of DCUM. Very hard to get into. Need a hook.

I was a legacy.

[Anonymous]

I accidentally did this and it worked very well, so I'll agree wtih this advice.
Met husband at 11, started dating at 18, married at 24, had kids at 29, 32, and 36, and lived happily ever after

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

27 is not a spring chicken. Not everyone is a late bloomer. Society collectively encouraging younger people to take their lives seriously (and not have bad pickers, very important) sooner rather than later would be a good thing for the vast majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apparently the best place to find a spouse is in grad school, so I'd encourage that. DH and I met young, so we could choose the time table for all of our major events (versus friends who married at 35 and had to get pregnant asap). We got married at 25, first baby at 30.

First baby at 22 to 25 is better than first baby at 30. I don't get why OP recommended two college-educated married 20-somethings with access to upwards of 6 months paid maternity/paternity leave and great health insurance wait five years to have kids. You get married to have kids. Waiting five years is pointless. Your body bounces back when you have kids in your early or mid 20s. You have exponentially more energy. You're the cool young attractive parents throughout their schooling and extracurriculars. You won't need IVF. Moms can work from home now. Married men with children get faster promotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one should marry before 30.

I see enough desperate 30+ year old men and women to appreciate this advice.

[Anonymous]

DCUM women will chafe at the idea of marrying and having kids young because they typically wait until they’re old enough to be grandmothers to get rolling. Then they insist that that’s what everybody does because that’s what THEY do and they live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ITA OP. I did this without having any sort of prior plan to do so. However, finishing law school at 27 (after spending a few years in the workforce so my app was appealing to T15), I married a 29 year old in a different field of work (also important, if you ask me). We had our first a year later. I was a baby lawyer with a baby (which definitely had repercussions but with two incomes it was all good and finally my career came together quite nicely) but we eeked out daycare and a 3/2 house in a reasonable neighborhood.

I now compare myself with my friends who waited to marry and have kids to find that: 1) those who waited to marry ended up settling, 2) those who waited to have kids ended up spending a lot of money on fertility treatments and, for those for whom it worked, they were older parents, 3) those who waited to buy a house ended up getting shut out of even the crap houses in reasonable neighborhoods.

My dad always thought I was jumping the gun and, honestly, I was afraid he was right. But I was on the right side of history with my choices and I’m so happy I wasn’t afraid to jump.

I am always baffled by people who think their anecdote is data. It's an anecdote. I'm not going to even bother to type my life story anecdote which negates everything you just said because who cares. It's an anecdote.

Yep, it’s a positive example that affirms OP’s thesis. Additionally, I won’t try to make sense as to why you feel threatened by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM women will chafe at the idea of marrying and having kids young because they typically wait until they’re old enough to be grandmothers to get rolling. Then they insist that that’s what everybody does because that’s what THEY do and they live in a bubble.

I think the word you're looking for is coping. I'd also bet a large percentage of the women who push that on here are childless (and lying about being mothers).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

Yes, I have children now. Had them at 37 and 40. No issues - perhaps I was lucky, But to your other point -God no, if I had a baby with my ex at 27 it would have ruined my life. As I got older, I realized he was not a reliable partner and would have made a terrible husband and father. I would have also not have made the advances I did in my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

Many people aren’t having kids at all. No “until.”

[Anonymous]

Met at 26, married at 28, kids at 31 and 33, still going strong at 47. About the only thing we did that OP recommends was that we got an education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

Do you have children yet? A baby at 27 would have changed you and the father, presumably for the better. Most men don't grow up until they have a kid. Women too. In retrospect I was so selfish and immature before my first.

My male cousin was an unemployed loser throughout his 20s. When he got his now wife pregnant at 27, he immediately went back to college (drop out) and enrolled in a nursing school program. 20 years later he makes like $400,000 in hospital administration. The responsibility and pressure of a child forces men and women grow up. All these childless 20 and 30-something men and women suffer from arrested development. It's an epidemic. Traveling, eating out, boozing, and binging on netflix and reality TV makes you shallow, self-absorbed, immature and narrow-minded. We were literally designed to have children in our 20s.