My relationship advice: get an education, date only with an eye toward marriage, marry young (22-27)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 25 and feel like I married too young. I'm still married to him, happily. Just feel like I was too immature. I think I'd have benefitted from being a full grown adult without being in a relationship for a while.

+1 except I was 24.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely date with marriage in mind (if thats what you want) for sure once you are in your 20s. by 25 you should not date anyone more than 6 months if you don't see it doing somewhere. Never date more than 1.5 years post age 25 if there haven't been some discussions on long term plans.
Do NOT move in with anyone until you have both agreed that you are on the same time frame and plans for long term.
and remember, you can't change him; drama is exhausting in a marraige; if he can't manage money you will grow to resent him and you will be the only adult in the marriage; if you want a committment and he doesn;t, cut it loose. He will get married but he doesn't want to marry YOU. stop trying to convince him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your frontal lobe isn’t fully developed until 24-25 and for some late 20’s. So execute function isn’t at its fullest until then. That’s just the truth, so I’d say around 28 is probably safe assuming you have a fairly good idea of that SO.

Not prefrontal cortex again! What else is that stopping them from? Driving? Drinking? Drugs? Debt? Sexual promiscuity? Pregnancy? Military and war? Sky diving?

[Anonymous]

I married at 26 and thought it was late, could've done it at 22 when I graduated college. We were stronger as a duo than solo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice as a 52 yr old.. do not marry young. Most people are too immature to marry young, both women and men, but especially men. Better to get a higher paying job to build wealthy than rely on each other.

You can get jobs and build wealth as a couple as well. Just for starters, savings on housing expenses and tax burden. Its the kids who alter your path.

[Anonymous]

20s are for fun, not wealth-building. Getting money in your 30s is much easier than traveling and partying.
If you find s great partner in your 20s so much the better. But it can be like searching for happiness- the more you concentrate on it to harder it is to grasp. No 22year old msle wants to date a girl eho is just assessing him for marriage material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20s are for fun, not wealth-building. Getting money in your 30s is much easier than traveling and partying.
If you find s great partner in your 20s so much the better. But it can be like searching for happiness- the more you concentrate on it to harder it is to grasp. No 22year old msle wants to date a girl eho is just assessing him for marriage material.

Ignore everything in this post ^^^^^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20s are for fun, not wealth-building. Getting money in your 30s is much easier than traveling and partying.
If you find s great partner in your 20s so much the better. But it can be like searching for happiness- the more you concentrate on it to harder it is to grasp. No 22year old msle wants to date a girl eho is just assessing him for marriage material.

That’s why you date a few years older as a woman.

It’s not pretty when you wake up at 30 after p**** away your 20s partying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

But that doesn’t give enough to time to get to know your spouse before having kids, unless you also mean no trying for kids until 35.

No one needs to be married 5 years before having kids to "get to know them". You should know them before you marry them. If you end up with your spouse older, everyone is in a different place.

This. 5 years would just waste time if they are a bad match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should anyone care what your advice is? What are your qualifications?

I have a bachelor’s degree in Family Relationships, a master’s in relationship advice (with a specialization in non-explicit) and am working on a PhD in Adult Children.

So your approach is academic and not based in reality. Got it. This is terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

No one should marry before 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't disagree with this more. If I married the guy I dated at 27, I'd be divorced and less well off than I am now. I had so much personal and professional growth between the ages of 27 and 33 (when I ultimately got married). I am a much better person now for having had that time to find myself. I would highly discourage my kids from marrying before 30.

+1

My husband and I were both in serious relationships at 25, with other people. Sooo glad we opted to break up and found each other. We're the perfect match.

Also - you can build wealth on your own same as married. Just save money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 25 and feel like I married too young. I'm still married to him, happily. Just feel like I was too immature. I think I'd have benefitted from being a full grown adult without being in a relationship for a while.

Yeah, but you get to grow up together. I waited to marry till I was in my late 30s, and don't regret it at all - but also my husband and I don't have those young and dumb memories together. We each experienced the world a lot, but not together.

On the other hand, I think I'd have broken up with him 17 times if we'd gotten together when we were young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should definitely date with marriage in mind (if thats what you want) for sure once you are in your 20s. by 25 you should not date anyone more than 6 months if you don't see it doing somewhere. Never date more than 1.5 years post age 25 if there haven't been some discussions on long term plans.
Do NOT move in with anyone until you have both agreed that you are on the same time frame and plans for long term.
and remember, you can't change him; drama is exhausting in a marraige; if he can't manage money you will grow to resent him and you will be the only adult in the marriage; if you want a committment and he doesn;t, cut it loose. He will get married but he doesn't want to marry YOU. stop trying to convince him

As much as I don't want to say this is smart advice - some of it is. Esp the part about cutting someone loose if you're not getting what you want. Every relationship has pushes and pulls, and compromises and fights. But underlying it has to be that you are on the same page about what this relationship means to the both of you.

I don't think it's just that you dump someone if within 6 months you don't see yourselves getting married - but if after 6 months you don't feel that you are in the sort of relationship you want to be in (committed or not, headed toward marriage or not, whatever matters to you) then get out and start again. Doesn't matter if you love them, doesn't matter if you're heartbroken to leave. Save yourself years of heartbreak by knowing that relationships are as much about infrastructure - where you live, how often you see each other, etc etc - as they are about liking each other.