Same college, same sorority, many of my prettiest sorority sisters did not marry well. Who did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thai is literally the reason people send their kids to private schools op to mingle with other rich kids.

Only a handful are married to men they went to high school with.

You don’t get it. I went to a private school in DC. We hung out with kids from other DC private schools. I cannot think of one public school kid we hung out with with the exception of summer swim team. So you meet other private school friends, visit them in college, meet their private school college friends, go to the same county clubs and beaches, and ski resorts, etc.

I see. So it's not just the immediate alumni network of the prep school, it's also friends of friends from that alumni network paying dating, social and even career dividends?

I started a thread recently about people in this area and how much they seem to care about getting their kid into the right private schools. They seem to care less about not going to a top college. I’m glad I am not imagining this.

I suspect this will change and is fundamentally the reason that Columbia is no longer requiring sat and act scores as part of the undergrad admissions criteria. With such an objective, meritocratic measures we've created an over production of elites and the class signal from the Ivies has been diluted. With subjective admissions criteria, there will be more spots for super rich kids who would have had mediocre test scores.

It doesn't particularly bother me bc it's just human nature but I hope we stop associating these schools with our country's best and brightest minds and treat them as the guardians of elite society that all of these schools are and have been.

No, the "super rich kids" with mediocre test scores always potentially had a spot, esp. if legacies as well, even better if family donated.

[Anonymous]

Slightly envious of OP's innocence (? blissful ignorance?) and feeling rather cynical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

You need help.

+ 1 million to this. I am not even sure why this is in relationships. Feel like we need to ask for a Bat$H!t Crazy forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thai is literally the reason people send their kids to private schools op to mingle with other rich kids.

If you visit the private school forum on here, you're brow-beaten that it's all for faith, warm atmosphere, and rigor (college prep). Anyone who brings up current and future network and dating pool is chastised. It is a taboo on here. Are you saying this goes without saying or that private parents actually discuss this out loud?

Can you imagine a world where different people have different reasons for going to what is a very wide range of private schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a Greek system person here, but OP remember you're asking this on a place with lots of anti-sorority folks.

As an amrchair sociologist, I'd say that maybe these women with really good looks attracted the wrong type of mate, and that's how they ended up the way they did.

My 25-year reunion was good fun. The "cool" people all ended up in people-friend but low achievement jobs (car salesperson, insurance broker, etc). The straight-A students followed the usual path and are lawyers and doctors.

The most successful money-wise (and I know there are other ways to measure) were the B-students, and just about all were entrepreneurs. My theory is they could earn A's, but were busy doing other stuff than studying also, and it's that type of person who is more likely to take risks. The A-students tend not to be risk-takers, but rule-followers.

We need all kinds, and they're all great, just interesting how everyone turned out.

I currently work as an insurance broker and my TC is $250k - what exactly about insurance brokerage is low achievement, again?

[Anonymous]

OP, I’ve noticed the exact same trend. I was in a historically black organization and hung out with women of another one. The prettiest girls, who always had men falling all over them, were invited to all the formals etc, are still single in our early 40s. The more average (but still cute) girls went on to get married and have several kids each. All these women have great careers and they tended to marry men who were similarly career minded.

I think the critical difference is that the prettiest girls always thought a new guy was around the corner. So there was no incentive to learn from mistakes or become a better partner. I think there was also a bit less incentive to invest in career on the unspoken assumption that they would simply marry into money. The more average looking girls just couldn’t take as flippant/entitled an attitude, which is why I think they learned from mistakes, became good partners, were more thoughtful about dating earlier, and now have families.

Watching this trend unfold has been eye opening for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

Hi, thanks for sharing this. I'm OP. I just want to be clear that I don't think our college was prestigious. I hope I didn't inadvertently give that impression anywhere in the thread. As an example, are Sidwell, NCS and Potomac School more or less prestigious than the University of Maryland? I think the private k-12s are more prestigious.

[Anonymous]

Wow

[Anonymous]

Looks aren’t everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

Hi, thanks for sharing this. I'm OP. I just want to be clear that I don't think our college was prestigious. I hope I didn't inadvertently give that impression anywhere in the thread. As an example, are Sidwell, NCS and Potomac School more or less prestigious than the University of Maryland? I think the private k-12s are more prestigious.

I'm the pp and that wasn't my point, my point was that the boys I went to private K-12 with wouldn't date me because my parents didn't have enough money and had to sacrifice for me to be in private school. Going private isn't enough, you also have to have to right family background and family money and private school / boarding school can be an indication of that money..

Once I was on the road to making more money myself (attending prestigious name brand university) the exact same boys who wouldn't consider dating me back when we went to the same private school five years earlier came flocking out of the woodwork to ask me out for the first time. I wasn't really interested by then.

It doesn't help eventual dating prospects to go to a private k-12 unless you already have family money or the right family background. Then it helps, but it's the family money or family education that helps, not the private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ve noticed the exact same trend. I was in a historically black organization and hung out with women of another one. The prettiest girls, who always had men falling all over them, were invited to all the formals etc, are still single in our early 40s. The more average (but still cute) girls went on to get married and have several kids each. All these women have great careers and they tended to marry men who were similarly career minded.

I think the critical difference is that the prettiest girls always thought a new guy was around the corner. So there was no incentive to learn from mistakes or become a better partner. I think there was also a bit less incentive to invest in career on the unspoken assumption that they would simply marry into money. The more average looking girls just couldn’t take as flippant/entitled an attitude, which is why I think they learned from mistakes, became good partners, were more thoughtful about dating earlier, and now have families.

Watching this trend unfold has been eye opening for sure.

That is a super interesting point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

Hi, thanks for sharing this. I'm OP. I just want to be clear that I don't think our college was prestigious. I hope I didn't inadvertently give that impression anywhere in the thread. As an example, are Sidwell, NCS and Potomac School more or less prestigious than the University of Maryland? I think the private k-12s are more prestigious.

I'm the pp and that wasn't my point, my point was that the boys I went to private K-12 with wouldn't date me because my parents didn't have enough money and had to sacrifice for me to be in private school. Going private isn't enough, you also have to have to right family background and family money and private school / boarding school can be an indication of that money..

Once I was on the road to making more money myself (attending prestigious name brand university) the exact same boys who wouldn't consider dating me back when we went to the same private school five years earlier came flocking out of the woodwork to ask me out for the first time. I wasn't really interested by then.

It doesn't help eventual dating prospects to go to a private k-12 unless you already have family money or the right family background. Then it helps, but it's the family money or family education that helps, not the private school.

Sorry, when you used prestige at the end, I thought you meant in regards to a man seeking academic prestige and pedigree in a wife, ex. Cathedral diploma and Ivy League BA. I just wanted to be clear that my college really wasn't all that prestigious, so it's not that. I do suspect the men these sisters married valued their k-12 pedigree and I'm guessing it adds a level of trust and familiarity since they're presumably friends of friends from that tightknit prep school orbit (even if they didn't go to the same private school). I can't speculate on everyone's family net worth. I thought nearly all 160 sisters were fairly affluent and I'm certain some of the public school sisters were from much wealthier families than at least some of the prep school sisters.

[Anonymous]

I went to a grad school program with a lot of wealthy young adults.

The horsey-looking blue blood gals that went to elite day and boarding schools always got married by their late 20s, usually to other guys from the same background. The guys were usually better looking too, so these ladies were hitting above their weight class. Met guys through their social networks, didn’t even bother with the apps. Some were already married and owned a home when we were in grad school. Their lives now are pretty amazing - summers in Maine or Nantucket or North Fork or Newport, winters in Sun Valley or Vail, frequent trips NYC and staying at the family’s pied à terre. All these trips are at homes owned by their wider family.

It’s all about class. A mediocre looking woman from a good family of means can get a “better” man than prettier gals from a middle class background.

And their kids are already being groomed to go into the same private schooling pipeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a grad school program with a lot of wealthy young adults.

The horsey-looking blue blood gals that went to elite day and boarding schools always got married by their late 20s, usually to other guys from the same background. The guys were usually better looking too, so these ladies were hitting above their weight class. Met guys through their social networks, didn’t even bother with the apps. Some were already married and owned a home when we were in grad school. Their lives now are pretty amazing - summers in Maine or Nantucket or North Fork or Newport, winters in Sun Valley or Vail, frequent trips NYC and staying at the family’s pied à terre. All these trips are at homes owned by their wider family.

It’s all about class. A mediocre looking woman from a good family of means can get a “better” man than prettier gals from a middle class background.

And their kids are already being groomed to go into the same private schooling pipeline.

+1 look at the NYT wedding announcements (do they even do those anymore? If not maybe there are some archives?) Private/prep school/boarding school kids who come from $$$ marry each other. They are often pretty plain looking too. “Pretty girl from an UMC background who went to public K-12” isn’t really in consideration for them, even if she is super smart and driven and ends up at the same grad/law school.

Congrats OP you’ve just discovered what they call “associative mating.”