Same college, same sorority, many of my prettiest sorority sisters did not marry well. Who did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a grad school program with a lot of wealthy young adults.

The horsey-looking blue blood gals that went to elite day and boarding schools always got married by their late 20s, usually to other guys from the same background. The guys were usually better looking too, so these ladies were hitting above their weight class. Met guys through their social networks, didn’t even bother with the apps. Some were already married and owned a home when we were in grad school. Their lives now are pretty amazing - summers in Maine or Nantucket or North Fork or Newport, winters in Sun Valley or Vail, frequent trips NYC and staying at the family’s pied à terre. All these trips are at homes owned by their wider family.

It’s all about class. A mediocre looking woman from a good family of means can get a “better” man than prettier gals from a middle class background.

And their kids are already being groomed to go into the same private schooling pipeline.

+1 look at the NYT wedding announcements (do they even do those anymore? If not maybe there are some archives?) Private/prep school/boarding school kids who come from $$$ marry each other. They are often pretty plain looking too. “Pretty girl from an UMC background who went to public K-12” isn’t really in consideration for them, even if she is super smart and driven and ends up at the same grad/law school.

Congrats OP you’ve just discovered what they call “associative mating.”

The amount of inherited housing is ridiculous. I have friends who will inherit a rowhouse in Georgetown, historical home in Newport, a ski house in Sun Valley, and a home in the Caribbean (tax dodge residence). All owned by two retired parents, who themselves inherited the homes from their relatives. This is the wheel of life for these folks.

[Anonymous]

Women who attend elite MBAs are more likely to SAH than women who attend non-elite MBAs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are surprised that people with money marry people with money?

+1 connections

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello. Are you transmitting to us from 1953? Welcome, time traveler.

Get real.

[Anonymous]

I'm old, nearly old enough for Social Security, but when I was a kid, and when I was in college, no one talked about "living in a premier neighborhood" as a life goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is the best comment in this thread and got the least amount of responses.

You’re probably hit a sore spot because many umc people are putting their children in this position. UMC people like to conflate themselves with the actual wealthy and it’s sad af.

This country would be a lot better off if educated upper middle class people saw themselves closer to the working class and poor than ultra high networth individuals.

Contrary to popular belief— men do care about status and now more than ever men AND women are looking at the financial background of their partners (both gay and straight).

Op sounds like a little girl who grew up believing in fairy tales.

And everyone is correct that most affluent women are average and basic looking. and might i say- a good number of them are unattractive. They’re just rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is the best comment in this thread and got the least amount of responses.

You’re probably hit a sore spot because many umc people are putting their children in this position. UMC people like to conflate themselves with the actual wealthy and it’s sad af.

This country would be a lot better off if educated upper middle class people saw themselves closer to the working class and poor than ultra high networth individuals.

Contrary to popular belief— men do care about status and now more than ever men AND women are looking at the financial background of their partners (both gay and straight).

Op sounds like a little girl who grew up believing in fairy tales.

And everyone is correct that most affluent women are average and basic looking. and might i say- a good number of them are unattractive. They’re just rich.

This is true. The two "old row" desirable (always alum) sororities at my DD's school are chased by every single frat guy. The guys from family money only date these girls and vice versa, as my DD says, I can't blame with of them, I'd want their gene pool for my children too! Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thai is literally the reason people send their kids to private schools op to mingle with other rich kids.

If you visit the private school forum on here, you're brow-beaten that it's all for faith, warm atmosphere, and rigor (college prep). Anyone who brings up current and future network and dating pool is chastised. It is a taboo on here. Are you saying this goes without saying or that private parents actually discuss this out loud?

yep.

I peep the game. It’s about hoarding (can’t think of a better word) resources, opportunities and most importantly a network that circulates among a small group of people and only this particular group of people.

Also, proximity should not be equated with access.

That’s probably why every week there is a parent who is unhappy with her child’s private school and can never get an exact reason why. But we know the reason, the parent (white mother) is upset her and child is not getting access into certain circles and is being ignored! LOL!

That’s why they feel salty and vex.

[Anonymous]

I wish I rushed a sorority. I’m in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

My high school classmates are mostly in jail or dead so no dating opps there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ve noticed the exact same trend. I was in a historically black organization and hung out with women of another one. The prettiest girls, who always had men falling all over them, were invited to all the formals etc, are still single in our early 40s. The more average (but still cute) girls went on to get married and have several kids each. All these women have great careers and they tended to marry men who were similarly career minded.

I think the critical difference is that the prettiest girls always thought a new guy was around the corner. So there was no incentive to learn from mistakes or become a better partner. I think there was also a bit less incentive to invest in career on the unspoken assumption that they would simply marry into money. The more average looking girls just couldn’t take as flippant/entitled an attitude, which is why I think they learned from mistakes, became good partners, were more thoughtful about dating earlier, and now have families.

Watching this trend unfold has been eye opening for sure.

no the prettiest girls thought that being pretty is all that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

It all looks good on the outside. I’ve seen it too many times where there’s a perfectly painted picture of a beautiful life, etc. Behind closed doors, it’s a $hit show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ve noticed the exact same trend. I was in a historically black organization and hung out with women of another one. The prettiest girls, who always had men falling all over them, were invited to all the formals etc, are still single in our early 40s. The more average (but still cute) girls went on to get married and have several kids each. All these women have great careers and they tended to marry men who were similarly career minded.

I think the critical difference is that the prettiest girls always thought a new guy was around the corner. So there was no incentive to learn from mistakes or become a better partner. I think there was also a bit less incentive to invest in career on the unspoken assumption that they would simply marry into money. The more average looking girls just couldn’t take as flippant/entitled an attitude, which is why I think they learned from mistakes, became good partners, were more thoughtful about dating earlier, and now have families.

Watching this trend unfold has been eye opening for sure.

I grew up in eastern Europe and for Gen X the amount of unwed women (who are straight and wanted kids) is really high. I agree with you-the best looking ones had unrealistic expectations and are turning 50 this year still talking for "the right guy", while the more average and down to earth ones married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is the best comment in this thread and got the least amount of responses.

You’re probably hit a sore spot because many umc people are putting their children in this position. UMC people like to conflate themselves with the actual wealthy and it’s sad af.

This country would be a lot better off if educated upper middle class people saw themselves closer to the working class and poor than ultra high networth individuals.

Contrary to popular belief— men do care about status and now more than ever men AND women are looking at the financial background of their partners (both gay and straight).

Op sounds like a little girl who grew up believing in fairy tales.

And everyone is correct that most affluent women are average and basic looking. and might i say- a good number of them are unattractive. They’re just rich.

This is true. The two "old row" desirable (always alum) sororities at my DD's school are chased by every single frat guy. The guys from family money only date these girls and vice versa, as my DD says, I can't blame with of them, I'd want their gene pool for my children too! Lol.

I do not want their average looking genes for my kids. I just want their money and connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is the best comment in this thread and got the least amount of responses.

You’re probably hit a sore spot because many umc people are putting their children in this position. UMC people like to conflate themselves with the actual wealthy and it’s sad af.

This country would be a lot better off if educated upper middle class people saw themselves closer to the working class and poor than ultra high networth individuals.

Contrary to popular belief— men do care about status and now more than ever men AND women are looking at the financial background of their partners (both gay and straight).

Op sounds like a little girl who grew up believing in fairy tales.

And everyone is correct that most affluent women are average and basic looking. and might i say- a good number of them are unattractive. They’re just rich.

Well, yes, and no, as the family tree can eventually change. Take a look at Rockefeller's early life, for example.