My son told me I’m not pretty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Completely right OP. If these people have trained their kids that their children are responsible for the feelings of their parents, they screwed up. Not you.

OP's son is not responsible for her feelings. OP Is responsible for raising her son not to be rude. That starts with how he treats his own mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Are you serious, OP? I'm debating whether to take the time to respond to this one, because the answer seems obvious to me.

Yes, I am serious. For every poster like you there is another one telling me that it’s completely age-appropriate.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 year olds speak their minds. Kids say all kinds of things.

Just let it go, OP.

Do you think a 3rd grader speaks in an unfiltered manner to his teacher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Completely right OP. If these people have trained their kids that their children are responsible for the feelings of their parents, they screwed up. Not you.

OP's son is not responsible for her feelings. OP Is responsible for raising her son not to be rude. That starts with how he treats his own mother.

I get it, your kids are responsible for your reactions. Mine aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 year olds speak their minds. Kids say all kinds of things.

Just let it go, OP.

Yes I will. Thank you.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Completely right OP. If these people have trained their kids that their children are responsible for the feelings of their parents, they screwed up. Not you.

OP's son is not responsible for her feelings. OP Is responsible for raising her son not to be rude. That starts with how he treats his own mother.

I get it, your kids are responsible for your reactions. Mine aren’t.

Cool, sounds like you are raising kids who aren't learning manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was very matter-of-fact about it. He just said “you’re really not pretty mom” and then proceeded to tell me how pretty his friend’s mom is. It was a dagger to the heart. I didn’t react in the moment. Is it something I should bring up and tell him that it really hurt my feelings or leave it alone?

You could say that he isn't nice. And that name a kid you both know is very nice and wouldn't say that to their mom!

Uh, no need to sink to the kid's level!

That isn't sinking. You could just be matter of fact that Jake is very nice and wouldn't say to his mom that she wasn't pretty.

Ridiculous, and you have no way of knowing what the kid does or does not say in his home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Are you serious, OP? I'm debating whether to take the time to respond to this one, because the answer seems obvious to me.

Yes, I am serious. For every poster like you there is another one telling me that it’s completely age-appropriate.
-OP

It is age appropriate. It's also age appropriate to teach him to be kind and not voice every unkind thought that pops into his head.

If he says things like that to you, whom he loves, he will definitely say worse to the people he dislikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP.

And yes I would address this.

How does DH talk about women?

How do you?

DS has a warped view and it needs to be fixed like now.

Not warped if true

[Anonymous]

Could he have been asking why you don’t wear more makeup or dress differently and didn’t know how to ask that? I don’t see that as such a bad thing.

I remember asking my mom about her weight when I was little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

Never bring him to our house. We have a bunch of fuglies

[Anonymous]

The ugly can be beautiful. The pretty, never. — Oscar Wilde

And regarding his genes:

[/youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNP2jxAdpk8[youtube]

This is a great thread.

[Anonymous]

Real question - does any boy think their mom is "pretty?" That's a super iffy opinion from my perspective. I'm a guy, and I certainly never thought my mom was pretty, but my dad apparently did. Wouldn't the Westermarck effect naturally predict this

[Anonymous]

OP, it may be that he doesn't know the right word to use. I've taught kids for a long time. They sometimes confuse "pretty" when they are trying to describe a woman who wears more makeup or clothes that aren't what you see in an Eddie Bauer catalog. It doesn't necessarily mean your face isn't pretty.

[Anonymous]

My nephew regularly calls his mom “hot” which I find disgusting