My son told me I’m not pretty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might be time for him to learn to ask himself these questions before speaking:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it helpful?

This is age appropriate for an 8 year old.

They say stuff OP. My kids have done it. Maybe the other mom is prettier Who cares. You have to be the adult and your role in this situation is not to center your own feelings but to make sure he gets it why he can't say this kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 8
-OP

Well then he is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Not to be too icky about this, but I wonder if he has a little crush on the other Mom (maybe without really realizing it, if he's 8), and that's affecting his perception.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP.

I tell my boys (oldest is 8 too) when they hurt my feelings, like when DS1 says matter of factly that my tummy was too big and ask them how they'd feel if someone said something unkind to them. It's an opening to teach them empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might be time for him to learn to ask himself these questions before speaking:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it helpful?

Yup! I have an 8 year old and we are working on keeping on not saying every rude thing that comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

I’d have asked him what he thought pretty people look like and then use it as an opportunity to show different kinds of beauty. I’d also try to notice how you speak/what you watch to make sure it’s not focused on outer beauty. He’s 8 he just needs to learn what beauty is. It’s your job to teach him that but don’t take that type of comment personally. If he were 16 it would be a different story.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to break it to you, but your son is a mean kid. He's probably mean to his friends, and will be mean to women (or men, if he swings that way.) Unfortunately, personality doesn't change much. What you can do is teach him that while he might think stuff like that, he needs to keep his mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

This gives you the opportunity to address what it means to be superficial. His friend’s mom may be pretty on the outside, but is she prettier than you on the inside? Beauty is from within. A pretty face means nothing without a good personality.

[Anonymous]

Is he getting "pretty" from social media or you tube or TV show. Explain to them that is bullcrap and not real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP.

I tell my boys (oldest is 8 too) when they hurt my feelings, like when DS1 says matter of factly that my tummy was too big and ask them how they'd feel if someone said something unkind to them. It's an opening to teach them empathy.

This. I would only be concerned if DH never outgrew his tendency to criticize me. Boys tend to use their father as a role model.

[Anonymous]

OP- did you post this recently? If not, someone else did so you have company.

[Anonymous]

My son said something similar to me when he was young. My response was curiosity. What did he mean, how wasn't I pretty? As it turns out, I was not "pretty like a princess", meaning I didn't have really long hair, I never wore fancy dresses, I wore glasses, and my "face wasn't like theirs" (I took that to mean I don't wear makeup or have unrealistic eye to face proportions.)

In the end, I told him it was ok to say say that to me because I was his mom and I wanted to understand him, but it was not polite to tell most people that they weren't pretty. I also explained how women could be beautiful in a lot of ways, and made a mental note that maybe he was watching waaay too many Disney movies.

But it didn't hurt me. I have no desire to look like a princess. I don't turn men's heads like I used to, but I don't want that. I also definitely don't want my son checking me out and thinking I look hot.

OP, if it was "like a dagger" I think that says more about how you feel about yourself than anything. It's ok to talk to your son, but don't put your own insecurities on him.

[Anonymous]

I feel like an 8 year old should know better. Is he on the spectrum?

My kid on the spectrum is very blunt. We know not to ask him a question if we do not want an honest answer.

When he was 4, he went through a phase where he told my DH to his face that he did not like him as much as me. He would say something like, "I am going to share my goldfish crackers with mommy only because I like her more than you, daddy." We lost power once during a storm and he very bluntly told DH that if someone froze to death, he hoped it was daddy and not mommy.

We worked with his doctor and therapists on this. We've taught him that not all opinions need to be shared, especially if he believes an opinion would hurt another's feelings. His therapist taught him some phrases he can use to deflect from his impulsive to answer honestly.

Example:
Friend: this shirt is do dumb! My mom made me wear it for pictures and I look dumb in it!
Son: I'm sure your mom will appreciate you wearing what she picked. Making your mom happy should make you feel happy. Tomorrow you can wear a shirt you like.

Before working with a therapist, he would have 100% agreed and talked about how ugly the shirt was or how bad his friend looked in it.

[Anonymous]

Wow! OP, I think you are taking this too seriously.

Its no big deal. Family will always be blunt and also troll your looks. However, the truth is that your siblings, parents, kids will always find your appearance familiar, dear and comforting, but never ever sexy or glamorous.

[Anonymous]

Are you pretty?

I think it’s normal for 8 year olds to label people.. sporty, pretty, funny.

My son once said mrs X is the pretty mom. I didn’t give it a second thought.

You might want to figure out why you need to be labeled pretty before you talk to him.

I’d have your H who is less emotional about the situation simply tell him “you never tell someone they are not pretty. I think mom is beautiful.”