My son told me I’m not pretty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone IS pretty. I'd tell him that and teach him the difference between being honest and kind and how to know when to share honesty.

Yep. Some things we don’t say aloud- like comments on someone’s appearance unless it is a compliment. That is the rule I tell my kids

[Anonymous]

I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Good point.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Good point.
-OP

The beauty standard is bullshit. If you don’t want to bring it up with him, think about how you talk about women. When you see women in tv do you comment on their appearance in his presence? Sadly our culture does a lot to teach boys and girls that pretty is some kind of value statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Good point.
-OP

The beauty standard is bullshit. If you don’t want to bring it up with him, think about how you talk about women. When you see women in tv do you comment on their appearance in his presence? Sadly our culture does a lot to teach boys and girls that pretty is some kind of value statement.

If I heard an 8 yr old be like “actually real beauty is being strong from Pilates” which is the beauty standard OP apparently wants applied, I’d be like “his mom trained him to say that.” Let’s be real there’s nothing parents can do to stop kids from seeing what’s seen as pretty and what isn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be time for him to learn to ask himself these questions before speaking:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it helpful?

This is age appropriate for an 8 year old.

They say stuff OP. My kids have done it. Maybe the other mom is prettier Who cares. You have to be the adult and your role in this situation is not to center your own feelings but to make sure he gets it why he can't say this kind of thing.

No, it's completely inappropriate for a normally developing 8 year old to say this to his mother. This is not about whether OP is pretty or whether the other mom is pretty. This is about an 8 year old boy who should know but does that we don't say unkind things about people's looks, particularly directly to them.

[Anonymous]

Say it TO anyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be time for him to learn to ask himself these questions before speaking:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it helpful?

This is age appropriate for an 8 year old.

They say stuff OP. My kids have done it. Maybe the other mom is prettier Who cares. You have to be the adult and your role in this situation is not to center your own feelings but to make sure he gets it why he can't say this kind of thing.

No, it's completely inappropriate for a normally developing 8 year old to say this to his mother. This is not about whether OP is pretty or whether the other mom is pretty. This is about an 8 year old boy who should know but does that we don't say unkind things about people's looks, particularly directly to them.

I think it’s developmentally appropriate for an 8 yr old to tell his mom what he honestly is observing. OP needs to not get validation about her appearance from her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Are you serious, OP? I'm debating whether to take the time to respond to this one, because the answer seems obvious to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely not ugly. I am fit, average height, blonde hair in my early 40s. I don’t wear much/any makeup, rarely blow dry my hair, and I’m always in comfy clothes. I’m less upset that he said I’m not pretty than the direct comparison to his friend’s mom (who is attractive but not pretty IMO). PP is correct that he always sees her done up in full hair and makeup so that’s part of it. I am huge into fitness and healthy eating but not big into clothes/hair/makeup. I get why he said it but it still hurts that he automatically labels that as pretty and not what I prioritize for myself/our family. I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him. It will give the statement more power if I do. He’s a very polite kid and would never say anything like that to anyone outside of family so I know it’s because he felt comfortable enough with me that he said it.
-OP

Look, if you don’t want to meet the beauty standard, good for you. But don’t get mad when other people notice.

Noticing is one thing. Raising a rude child is another.

I genuinely don’t understand why some posters think I am raising a rude child. He said something honest to me because he felt comfortable and knows I’m a safe person to open up to. That doesn’t mean he would say it anyone else in his life.
-OP

Completely right OP. If these people have trained their kids that their children are responsible for the feelings of their parents, they screwed up. Not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be time for him to learn to ask himself these questions before speaking:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it helpful?

This is age appropriate for an 8 year old.

They say stuff OP. My kids have done it. Maybe the other mom is prettier Who cares. You have to be the adult and your role in this situation is not to center your own feelings but to make sure he gets it why he can't say this kind of thing.

No, it's completely inappropriate for a normally developing 8 year old to say this to his mother. This is not about whether OP is pretty or whether the other mom is pretty. This is about an 8 year old boy who should know but does that we don't say unkind things about people's looks, particularly directly to them.

I think it’s developmentally appropriate for an 8 yr old to tell his mom what he honestly is observing. OP needs to not get validation about her appearance from her child.

And sometimes we wonder how little boys grow into a****** men. Moms raise them that way. Thanks for the reminder!

No, hon, your child does not need to share what "he honestly is observing" about his mother's appearance.

[Anonymous]

8 year olds speak their minds. Kids say all kinds of things.

Just let it go, OP.