My friend seems surprised her ex is thriving domestically

[Anonymous]

Strange you’re talking to this now single friend so much, op, I’d not be pleased if you were my husband.
Also a bit controlling that you tell a bunch of random strangers she “needs to move on”, maybe she does, but someone gave you a more appropriate alternative, one that takes you out of the loop, and you don’t like it. Makes me wonder if you enjoy having a human pet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 100% sure the DH was not pulling his weight, feigned incompetence to get out of things. Now that he has to do the job he has risen to the task but I’m sure was different in marriage.

+1. Men often step up when they are given no other choices, and also face the cold hard reality of what happens when no one picks up their slack.

Dollars to donuts he "did his best and let her do the rest" while married.

Single parenting is rough. She expected life to get easier when she was free of the dead weight. It's not easier to single parent, just different.

And since the world falls over swooning (like OP) when divorced dads pull 50% of their weight, it's salt in the wound as she's regarded as damaged goods.

I get why your friend is bitter, just saying.

The ex isn't pulling 50% of his weight. He is, apparently, pulling 100% of his weight 50% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 100% sure the DH was not pulling his weight, feigned incompetence to get out of things. Now that he has to do the job he has risen to the task but I’m sure was different in marriage.

+1. Men often step up when they are given no other choices, and also face the cold hard reality of what happens when no one picks up their slack.

Dollars to donuts he "did his best and let her do the rest" while married.

Single parenting is rough. She expected life to get easier when she was free of the dead weight. It's not easier to single parent, just different.

And since the world falls over swooning (like OP) when divorced dads pull 50% of their weight, it's salt in the wound as she's regarded as damaged goods.

I get why your friend is bitter, just saying.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 100% sure the DH was not pulling his weight, feigned incompetence to get out of things. Now that he has to do the job he has risen to the task but I’m sure was different in marriage.

+1. Men often step up when they are given no other choices, and also face the cold hard reality of what happens when no one picks up their slack.

Dollars to donuts he "did his best and let her do the rest" while married.

Single parenting is rough. She expected life to get easier when she was free of the dead weight. It's not easier to single parent, just different.

And since the world falls over swooning (like OP) when divorced dads pull 50% of their weight, it's salt in the wound as she's regarded as damaged goods.

I get why your friend is bitter, just saying.

Good point.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few cheating women that thought the grass would be greener and their husbands were always at fault.

The ex-husbands are thriving. The women that were hooking during the marriage are very surprised they aren't a commodity now that they are old divorcees with no job.

No one is cheating here. The scenario is a friend trying to help another friend. No idea why you think this would be helpful to comment this way. This is the type of post that makes me feel like it's just another misogynistic thread where the OP pretends to be various different people except the person he really is who is the ex-husband. Either that or this poster is very misogynistic, but because of OP he probably feels it's an invitation to rag on women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP are you a guy ? I’m surprised a woman would write a post like this

I think it's the OW or something.

Nah, he’s the ex who is fantasizing about how miserable his ex probably is since she divorced him and wants everyone to praise him for being amazing.

Yep, this is the ex writing- and I bet he hopes she sees it so he can rub salt in her wounds.

He knows way too many details for a friend, and it’s particularly odd that a friend of the ex wife has been in the ex husband’s townhouse “a few times.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of this post?

OP — I was pretty clear that I was seeking some advice on what to tell my friend. Do we not do that here? Why would you ask this?

Tell your friend that she should live a better life than her DH. She should become fit, more involved with her kids, keep a clean house, be on top of her kids needs, cook great food, have a tastefully decorated house, slay at work, entertain a lot more, not sleep around, respect herself and her vajayjay, earn a lot more, reach out to ex-ILs so that kids maintain their relationship with them, host Christmas and ThanksGiving, become a pleasant person.....

Everything that she should have been doing when she was a married woman. But did not. And now she is divorced. And miserable. Yes. You tell her this.

[Anonymous]

She should go to church and pray a lot more. Her only hope is Jesus!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strange you’re talking to this now single friend so much, op, I’d not be pleased if you were my husband.
Also a bit controlling[i] that you tell a bunch of random strangers she “needs to move on”, maybe she does, but someone gave you a more appropriate alternative, one that takes you out of the loop, and you don’t like it. Makes me wonder if you enjoy having a human pet.

OMG, irony is not dead after all.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a bad friend.

[Anonymous]

OP why, as a married man, are you this involved in your female friend’s life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why, as a married man, are you this involved in your female friend’s life?

+1. Maybe OP is married to a man. A straight husband privy to this much detail AND “gently suggesting” his female friend speak to her therapist requires a massive suspension of disbelief to be true

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - and hugs; I think you sound like a supportive and kind friend. I not get why so much hate is directed your way in this thread.

Maybe some of the people hating on you in this thread need education on their innate gender-biases? (they do not seem to recognize it).

Or if they are aware of innate gender bias, they need to work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh.That’s pretty common. Your friend should join a group for recently divorced moms so she can have someone to commiserate with.

OP here - but is that healthy? Thinking he was some unsupportive, incompetent boob had a lot to do with getting her to where she is today — is reinforcing that apparent fiction going to anything other than embitter her further? She needs to move on…. Maybe tough love is in order here?

OP I think YOU need to reflect on why you are overly focused on policing how your friend experienced her marriage. Why in the world would you think that you know this is an "apparent fiction"? I'm sure my STBX will step up to do the domestic labor when he doesn't have me around to do 95% of it anymore. That makes it MORE galling, not less.

I think you are a bad friend.

Bolded is so true. He could have reduced your burden… but why. That would require care and respect of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 100% sure the DH was not pulling his weight, feigned incompetence to get out of things. Now that he has to do the job he has risen to the task but I’m sure was different in marriage.

+1. Men often step up when they are given no other choices, and also face the cold hard reality of what happens when no one picks up their slack.

Dollars to donuts he "did his best and let her do the rest" while married.

Single parenting is rough. She expected life to get easier when she was free of the dead weight. It's not easier to single parent, just different.

And since the world falls over swooning (like OP) when divorced dads pull 50% of their weight, it's salt in the wound as she's regarded as damaged goods.

I get why your friend is bitter, just saying.

The ex isn't pulling 50% of his weight. He is, apparently, pulling 100% of his weight 50% of the time.

As he should. The fact that you think this is notable is, in fact, notable, and proves PP's point.