Feel terrible about my finances after reading this site

[Anonymous]

Your wife should get a part time job somewhere. The first $6000 of income per year is the most important for social security reimbursement in retirement.

[Anonymous]

We are first gen immigrants also from Asia with teenagers, also not fluent in English to move up to management. But I can’t relate to you way of thinking and expectations on your only daughter to support you financially. Not a good plan..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife should get a part time job somewhere. The first $6000 of income per year is the most important for social security reimbursement in retirement.

DP here. What does this mean? Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? He complains about his English not being fluent but his written English is excellent.
Otherwise, I wish he’d stop complaining and making excuses.
Count your blessings. You are doing a lot better than most people in the U.S. The fact you can’t see that says a lot about your character.
I feel badly for your daughter.

I was thinking the same thing. Seems more like a humblebrag post more than a “woe is me” post. Many people wish they had that much saved for retirement and had a house worth over a million dollars making six figures. The OP is doing better than 97% of the rest of the country.

OP here. I am confused. I see posts like this, and then I see others that say that I should cut my expenses aggressively and save 30% of my income. Which one is true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

I cannot imagine asking my parents to take out loans in their name of any kind for me to go to college. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I was going into my portal and paying my own tuition bill each semester.

Thank you. Yes, taking out a 401k loan means that my daughter has at least some obligation to support me in retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Native born Americans will never understand the immigrant experience. I do agree that it most people who help their parents didn’t grow up in million dollar houses. My recommendation is that you get off this site. Hopefully you will get social security and a pension. Between that and selling your house, you should be in good shape. Did your wife try to learn English? Does she have any marketable skills? What about cooking for others?

Thank you. I wish there was a way to get non-immigrants to stop replying to this thread. I unfortunately do not have a pension (my job doesn’t offer that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He also doesn’t think his wife should have to work at all, but his daughter should support him and his able-bodied non-working wife, plus her own family?

+1. Once the daughter has her own family, shouldn’t she also have the right to retire like OP’s wife did and raise her kids? How will she support OP and his wife then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I don’t think your wife should feel guilty at all for staying home to raise your child. But I do think she is your family’s best underutilized resource to family success. There must be something she can do that won’t hurt her back and doesn’t need English proficiency. Even working 10-20 hours a week could boost your savings, and it all could go in her tax-advantaged 401k.

Are there any telework jobs in Korea that could use her knowledge of living in the us as an asset? My sister did this (in reverse) when she moved from us to another country. American companies needed her perspectives “on the ground” to help market us products, scout stores, etc.

Could she do some sort of work for the Sourh Korean embassy or similar? There seems to always be a need to set up cultural events, exchanges, etc.

On the more practical end… could she do light delivery (like delivering flowers or something), even just a day or two a week? Or helping to set up spaces for big events where she only has to interact with a few people, not the public constantly. People in the arts tend to have a flare for events-work in my experience. Even if she is setting our name cards and folding napkins, I bet there are folks looking for people who “get” how to make this look good.

Only she knows what she is interested in, but maybe with some encouragement that she could do something fulfilling or fun a day or two a week, she might find she likes it.

Great suggestions. I will mention these to my wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He also doesn’t think his wife should have to work at all, but his daughter should support him and his able-bodied non-working wife, plus her own family?

+1. Once the daughter has her own family, shouldn’t she also have the right to retire like OP’s wife did and raise her kids? How will she support OP and his wife then?

By marrying rich, duh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I agree that you probably are just fine! This site is very skewed. My recommendation is to start maxing your retirement accounts. This adds up fast and you still have time. So maxing means putting the max you are allowed by the government into your 401k which for 2023 is $22,500. It may sound like a lot but since it’s tax free when it goes in (you do pay taxes when you take it out) you won’t see as big of a hit to your paycheck as you think. If you are still r eligible for an IRA, put the max in there too when you can. Now is a good time to start maxing these things as the market is lower than it’s been so when it goes back up in a few years that money will really work for you and becomes more and more. Do this every year, keep paying your mortgage, you will have a nice nest egg.

You have sacrificed a lot, that is for sure. I think the only thing I would remember is that having a pressure on your daughter and feeling like it’s tit for tat won’t be healthy for your relationship. And at the end of the day, our relationships are all we really have. So try to find a balance with those expectations that maintains a healthy relationship with your daughter. Breaking the cycle of everyone feeling like they have to constantly be in sacrifice mode can be one of the gifts of living here. Not sure that makes any sense. But it’s not the cycle you want to aim for I think. You have created the opportunity for financial freedom for your family - you’ve got this. You have a great nest egg started, you have a great salary now, now you just have to put your focus on funneling savings to retirement and then make some good choices at retirement to keep living expenses down. Remember you will also have social security coming.

This forum makes almost anyone feel behind. You got this! If you need help consult a FEE BASED financial advisor. Fee based means you pay them a small fee for some advice to make sure you’re on track etc, but not someone to manage your investments and take a cut it doesn’t sound like you need that now and it’s usually not advised (just takes from your gains) unless things are complicated.

I don’t understand this. I sacrificed for my daughter so I expect her to as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

I cannot imagine asking my parents to take out loans in their name of any kind for me to go to college. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I was going into my portal and paying my own tuition bill each semester.

Thank you. Yes, taking out a 401k loan means that my daughter has at least some obligation to support me in retirement.

I don’t understand? You said you took out a 30k loan. That is such a small amount. If she is working on Wall Street she can pay that back quickly.If coming out of you 401k then she pays you and you put in another savings vehicle. I don’t see why this small amount makes her obligated to support you in retirement? I read where people use all of their home equity or drain accounts for 100-200k but 30k seems quite small to make much difference in retirement, and where others have said if your wife did something she could easily make 10k a year and in 3 yrs you would have the 30k back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

I cannot imagine asking my parents to take out loans in their name of any kind for me to go to college. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I was going into my portal and paying my own tuition bill each semester.

Thank you. Yes, taking out a 401k loan means that my daughter has at least some obligation to support me in retirement.

Actually it doesn’t- certainly not in any legal sense. I honestly hope your daughter cuts herself free from you and your horrible guilt trips. You own a million dollar house- you can afford to pay 30k towards her college. Are you next going to claim that she owes you money for her clothing and meals growing up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I agree that you probably are just fine! This site is very skewed. My recommendation is to start maxing your retirement accounts. This adds up fast and you still have time. So maxing means putting the max you are allowed by the government into your 401k which for 2023 is $22,500. It may sound like a lot but since it’s tax free when it goes in (you do pay taxes when you take it out) you won’t see as big of a hit to your paycheck as you think. If you are still r eligible for an IRA, put the max in there too when you can. Now is a good time to start maxing these things as the market is lower than it’s been so when it goes back up in a few years that money will really work for you and becomes more and more. Do this every year, keep paying your mortgage, you will have a nice nest egg.

You have sacrificed a lot, that is for sure. I think the only thing I would remember is that having a pressure on your daughter and feeling like it’s tit for tat won’t be healthy for your relationship. And at the end of the day, our relationships are all we really have. So try to find a balance with those expectations that maintains a healthy relationship with your daughter. Breaking the cycle of everyone feeling like they have to constantly be in sacrifice mode can be one of the gifts of living here. Not sure that makes any sense. But it’s not the cycle you want to aim for I think. You have created the opportunity for financial freedom for your family - you’ve got this. You have a great nest egg started, you have a great salary now, now you just have to put your focus on funneling savings to retirement and then make some good choices at retirement to keep living expenses down. Remember you will also have social security coming.

This forum makes almost anyone feel behind. You got this! If you need help consult a FEE BASED financial advisor. Fee based means you pay them a small fee for some advice to make sure you’re on track etc, but not someone to manage your investments and take a cut it doesn’t sound like you need that now and it’s usually not advised (just takes from your gains) unless things are complicated.

I don’t understand this. I sacrificed for my daughter so I expect her to as well.

Then you shouldn’t have brought her to the US where we don’t condone treating children like indentured servants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He also doesn’t think his wife should have to work at all, but his daughter should support him and his able-bodied non-working wife, plus her own family?

+1. Once the daughter has her own family, shouldn’t she also have the right to retire like OP’s wife did and raise her kids? How will she support OP and his wife then?

By marrying rich, duh

Wait until she marries a white American and he says F that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I agree that you probably are just fine! This site is very skewed. My recommendation is to start maxing your retirement accounts. This adds up fast and you still have time. So maxing means putting the max you are allowed by the government into your 401k which for 2023 is $22,500. It may sound like a lot but since it’s tax free when it goes in (you do pay taxes when you take it out) you won’t see as big of a hit to your paycheck as you think. If you are still r eligible for an IRA, put the max in there too when you can. Now is a good time to start maxing these things as the market is lower than it’s been so when it goes back up in a few years that money will really work for you and becomes more and more. Do this every year, keep paying your mortgage, you will have a nice nest egg.

You have sacrificed a lot, that is for sure. I think the only thing I would remember is that having a pressure on your daughter and feeling like it’s tit for tat won’t be healthy for your relationship. And at the end of the day, our relationships are all we really have. So try to find a balance with those expectations that maintains a healthy relationship with your daughter. Breaking the cycle of everyone feeling like they have to constantly be in sacrifice mode can be one of the gifts of living here. Not sure that makes any sense. But it’s not the cycle you want to aim for I think. You have created the opportunity for financial freedom for your family - you’ve got this. You have a great nest egg started, you have a great salary now, now you just have to put your focus on funneling savings to retirement and then make some good choices at retirement to keep living expenses down. Remember you will also have social security coming.

This forum makes almost anyone feel behind. You got this! If you need help consult a FEE BASED financial advisor. Fee based means you pay them a small fee for some advice to make sure you’re on track etc, but not someone to manage your investments and take a cut it doesn’t sound like you need that now and it’s usually not advised (just takes from your gains) unless things are complicated.

I don’t understand this. I sacrificed for my daughter so I expect her to as well.

Then you shouldn’t have brought her to the US where we don’t condone treating children like indentured servants.

Troll