Feel terrible about my finances after reading this site

[Anonymous]

I am one of the privileged PPs. As others have written, it actually does not matter how much or how little may have been sacrificed. What we are pushing back against is the sense of obligation. Just because it is a common immigrant expectation does not mean it MUST be honored. Again: OP's parents did not honor any obligation to THEIR parents. And even if they had, it does not mean that OP must sacrifice her own happiness and free will to fulfill an obligation they are trying to impose on her.

As an example, very few Americans choose these days to nurse their own aging parents, even if their parents and grandparents might have done so. The sandwich generation these days says "NO. We are not going to do that. You can go into assisted living if you can no longer live independently." And they don't feel guilty about it. The cultural expectations have changed. Ironically, though I am a PP who has argued several times in this thread that OP owes her parents nothing, and though our own American sense of obligation has changed, I did take care of my very elderly feeble mother for the last six years of her life. But I could just as well have declined the request. My mother did not obligate me to take care of her. She preferred it, but she also wanted me to be free to live my own life.

It is the idea that OP's parents expect it to be provided for and guilt the OP and have guilted her throughout her life... even if that is commonplace for Asian immigrants, OP and all others in her position can and should push back, particularly if the obligation creates genuine hardships. And I hope anyone would agree that working 90 hour weeks in a despises job is a hardship.

[Anonymous]

^ PP above. I realize the norm has not changed for all Americans. Some do take elderly parents into their homes. But in my particular UMC+ DMV church community, I was a rarity. Perhaps the only one. And before that, I subsidized my parents' housing for many years while they could still live independently. But again, it was my choice. Not an expectation. To me that makes all the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

Doubtful as the mom can’t speak English after 20 years here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

[Anonymous]

I agree with you that OP is free to live her life and not obligated to fund he parent in retirement. I pointed out that OPs mom did make sacrifices in response to those saying OP was under no obligation because 1) her mom was a SAHP and 2) thus made no sacrifices. That reasoning is deeply flawed and misogynistic. Whether OPs mom made sacrifices is actually irrelevant. Saying OPs mom made no sacrifices is not accurate either and thus undercuts the argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

You are misogynistic and your comments are borderline abusive. Suggesting an immigrant woman work in her early 50s with an injured back is cruel. OP’s contributions as a SAHM are missive — anyone who thinks otherwise is sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

Well, the familiy is living here in this culture, not in Korea.
Additionally, the mother is and has been capable of fending for herself. She is not enfeebled and will not be for a few more decades. Meanwhile her kid has to work like a dog to fund her mother's ladies who lunch lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

You are misogynistic and your comments are borderline abusive. Suggesting an immigrant woman work in her early 50s with an injured back is cruel. OP’s contributions as a SAHM are missive — anyone who thinks otherwise is sexist.

Early 50s isn't really old. And the back injuries do not inhibit the mother from getting out and socializing as a daily part of her lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

You are misogynistic and your comments are borderline abusive. Suggesting an immigrant woman work in her early 50s with an injured back is cruel. OP’s contributions as a SAHM are missive — anyone who thinks otherwise is sexist.

Back injuries run a wide gamut. Some people are laid up for a few days because of it but get right back to physical labor because they don't have a choice. Other people find ways to strengthen and prevent injury with low impact exercise. These people are older than the OP's mother.
OP's mother is not laid up on a bed and actively engages in social events so her back injuries are nowhere near disabling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

You are misogynistic and your comments are borderline abusive. Suggesting an immigrant woman work in her early 50s with an injured back is cruel. OP’s contributions as a SAHM are missive — anyone who thinks otherwise is sexist.

Folks, we have someone here who aspires to sponge off her child in the same manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because your parents want to lay heavy guilt trips on you does not mean that you need to shoulder that guilt. Everything in life is a bit of a gamble. They had no idea if their DD would get into an Ivy or get a high paying job. They put all their eggs in one basket: you. Everything you write makes me more indignant about their expectations. (I am the PP at the top of this page, p. 14).

You can be loving but set boundaries. It must be hard to have no siblings, with parents putting so many pressures on you: Ivy education, high paying job, move to be near them, support them starting in your 30s. It is CRAZY and unacceptable for them to expect this. It seems normal to them but it is NOT normal in the world you grew up in. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Do what makes you happy. Find balance in your life. Make time for friends who can be more supportive than your parents can. Shut down these guilt trips. Really. Just shut it down. "This topic is closed for discussion. I will live my own life. Thank you for my upbringing. But no more guilt. It's over." You can do this. If they continue to guilt you, honestly, just say once again, "No more guilt. I'm done," and hang up. I think hanging up is terribly rude but protecting yourself is super important when you are at the breaking point and they refuse to thinof of YOUR best interests.

It was not a “gamble.” Immigrant parents sacrifice for their kids, and their kids must sacrifice for them. That’s not a “gamble,” that’s a business deal that many parents in this area make.

And I’m sure with all the supplemental tutoring and intensive parenting that DD’s SAHM did for her, they were confident she’d get into an Ivy and get a high paying job.

The daughter had no agency in all of these decisions. She is not bound by some imaginary contract she never agreed to.

That contract you are referring to is part of the social norms in some cultures. The daughter knows their culture and understands what is expected of her.
I’m Asian and we take care of our parents. We don’t let them fend form themselves when they are aging and need help.

I’m the PP that suggested the OP start talking about being a sahm.

But the social contract is usually that the parents work hard too! Everyone contributes as much as they reasonably can, and everyone takes care of each other. I don’t see that contribution from OPs mom. She could have nannied after OP went to school, even part time. Plenty of non-English speaking nannies. She could try to get a paid role in her church - maybe admin or childcare related. She could have taught Korean lessons!

You are misogynistic and your comments are borderline abusive. Suggesting an immigrant woman work in her early 50s with an injured back is cruel. OP’s contributions as a SAHM are missive — anyone who thinks otherwise is sexist.

😂, Another Korean SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Wait why did OP pretend to be the dad at first? So confused by this whole thread

My parents are Chinese immigrants and I could never imagine them telling me I would support their retirement. They made sacrifices so that I could live a good life and they wouldn’t want to burden me as that would detract from my ability to live a good life. They know I make good money and never want me to buy them expensive gifts because they want me to use it for myself or my family.

If they needed money in retirement I would help them. But I can’t imagine them expecting that of me, especially well before they even retire.

OP if you hate banking, either quit now or find an exit plan and quit when you’ve figured out the next step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP (daughter): Just curious, have your parents supported their parents in their elder years? (I still think you owe them nothing, just wondering.)

Also, my DH and I both had low-paying jobs we loved and couldn't save much. We took out large loans so our DD could have an Ivy college education. No financial aid because of other assets we had (from a divorce) which we could not touch during her college years (because I was helping to subsidize my own parents' elder years). DD did not have to take out a penny of loans in her own name. We would never dream of asking her to support us.

Your parents can't have it both ways: move to US so you can have US educational advantages but expect you to accept values of a culture you never lived in. You deserve to chart your own path in life. You are not beholden to them. Make it clear to them now so they can get busy on Plan B for their retirement. Your mom is especially hypocritical. If she won't work, that is NOT your problem.

My parents haven’t supported their own parents in their elder years since they have siblings (who all live in Korea and are thus much closer to my grandparents than my parents are). But since I’m an only child and probably won’t move out of the US, I’m the only one left to support my parents.

My parents have always told me that they’re sick and tired of me “trying to have it all.” That is to say, they repeatedly have told me that they’re sick of me whining about my brutal BB IB job when they sacrificed everything for me to come here. They are sick of having to pay back their 401k loan for an education that wasn’t theirs. They repeatedly tell me over the phone that they’re sick of me trying to assert my independence in “staying in the Northeast after graduation” when they wanted me to live near them in the DMV.

I agree that my mom refusing to work isn’t my problem, but she doesn’t see it that way. My mom constantly guilt trips me with the “I sacrificed my rewarding career in Korea so I could educate you to get into an Ivy,” so she expects me to take care of her in her old age.

OP, this was asked several times earlier - what does your mom actually do all day every day since you left home? Is she busy with volunteering and social stuff so doesn't have time to get a job? Or is she just literally staying at home doing nothing?

I just can't understand why she wouldn't want to do some type of work, even if minimal, just to have something to do and earn a little bit while waiting for you to turn 30 and start the retirement subsidy payments?

She worked until a couple of years ago when she got fired from her job for not speaking English. But she cannot get a menial labor job as her back pain is too severe. She spends most of her days socializing with her friends (other Korean SAHMs who are married to engineers like my dad). She has a very active social life and also goes to church several times a week.

Sounds like a rough life full of sacrifices.

I can’t tell if you’re joking. But she does consistently harp on me about the sacrifices she made for me, which I think are and were very real and legitimate.

Is this OP? I'm not sure how raising one daughter as a SAHM is necessarily such a tough sacrifice (meaning, it's a luxury that many Americans let alone immigrant families simply cannot afford). Maybe you just didn't get to know other types of first gen immigrant parents like yours growing up, but in the real world there are plenty of working moms (and dads) who sacrificed their prestigious careers to come here, took menial jobs for a decade (I know a handful of PhD couples or MD couples who worked full time jobs as lab technicians most of their careers because of having to start from zero in a new country) and still managed to come out happy that their kids are starting their adult lives successfully without having to burden them as they approach retirement.

The (immigrant) world is way bigger than what you have experienced/ what your parents must have decided to drill into you as "normal". At a certain point in life, you're going to have to make the tough decision whether to continue your own family tradition as your parents expect you to, or to break free of the cycle and live the way you think is acceptable.

+1 being a SAHM to one child is easy. It if the opposite of sacrifice…it is a privilege

[Anonymous]

Also, early 50s is young. I will be 55 when my youngest finishes high school. No way I am retiring until 65. I am a divorced mom with two kids with a demanding job (that does all the crap OP’s mom did—my kids have activities every night. OP’s mom can get a part time job and do something.

[Anonymous]

I am a korean american daughter who went to a prestigious uni, worked in IB in NYC. My parents 10000% wanted me to stay in banking, despite their sympathy and horror at how much i was working. I’ve since left finance entirely but they still routinely suggest i go back to the bank.

A few words of advice:
1) you are dealt the cards you have. Dont waste more time lamenting your situation. There is no use in thinking or comparing against peers.
2) you can easily pay off $60K in debt with 2 yrs of banking. I am guessing your bonus hasnt hit yet- it will and be a huge relief.
3) recruit for PE or HF jobs. Its hard to get so you need to prep. You went to an ivy- be shameless and ask your older friends for help. You’ll more than double your comp while working a bit less. I take it you dont want to stay in finance forever but that extra cash will help you make the move when you do.
4) avoid lifestyle creep. Its frustrating but be mindful of splurging on weekends. Avoid luxury purchases. Get off insta- dont compare yourself to your friends on vaca or partying.
5) start planting the idea that your parents rent out rooms in their house and earn passive income.
6) your parents will get social security. Coupled with downsizing / passive rental income, theyll be fine

Youre a great daughter. Don’t listen to the people blaming your parents or saying you need to cut them off. It’ll all be okay.