Feel terrible about my finances after reading this site

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

Give it break.

I’m sure OP’s daughter will help them out when the time comes. Of course, OP should also be maximizing his retirement savings right now. He never said he wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

Give it break.

I’m sure OP’s daughter will help them out when the time comes. Of course, OP should also be maximizing his retirement savings right now. He never said he wouldn’t.

PP is correct, is this OP sockpuppeting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

+1

We are asians migrated here in our teens. You need to change that old country mentality, you did it for your kid because you chose to have her. She doesn't have a choice of being born. Adapt the attitude of paying it forward and be proud of her instead of thinking of her a future personal piggy bank, she will have her family to take care of. A lot of immigrant have the illusion of the US land of riches and they can come here and retire early. The opportunities abound if you willing to work hard and continue to work hard until you can afford to retire w/o burdening your kids. Our relatives from the old country visits sometimes and decided they rather return home once they see the hectic 9-5 lives in the US...but no where will our kids have the opportunities available if they're willing to put in the efforts and hard work.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have a similar story as you where DH was stuck in a very low paying job because the company was sponsoring his green card. I could not work because I did not have a work permit and could not go to school because did not have money.

First of all, do not try and explain your thinking, experience and culture to people here. They will never understand what it means to be a poorly paid white collar immigrant from Asia who gets stuck in the ech-one-bee visa limbo land for years.

Take a deep breath. You are doing ok. You have another 10 years to save. Your big asset is your house (even if you are still paying mortgage), your 401K and a debt free college for your kid. You will also get some social security.

You and your wife must make over your health. Because the biggest problem for people above 50 is usually health related. Be very vigilant about health, medical checkups, nutrition, sleep, managing stress and exercise.

Support your daughter. She has a lot of stress on her as she is an only child, working in Wall Street and knowing that she has to take care of her parents. Remember that her mental and physical welfare is also important. She is a young person, a female minority, and does not have family money to fall back on.

Remember, you are better off financially than most people here. You have set up your daughter for success by not burdening her with student debt.

[Anonymous]

This is all about managing your expectations. You cannot rationally determine where you are, or your trajectory, for retirement without a reasonable sense of your likely retirement expenses. Once you have those sketched out, you can project your likely income stream in retirement from the projected value of your savings/investments and Social Security at the age you expect to retire. I'd think you could plan for a retirement lifestyle which is affordable for you, although it will be different from your current experience.

What is the likely value of your home equity at your retirement age? Think about where you could by a residence without a mortgage for that amount. Think about your likely future expenses - insurance, vehicles, home maintenance, food, travel, entertainment, uninsured medical/dental expenses, and consider whether the income stream you can expect from your savings/investments/SS can cover those. It probably can, if you are restrained in your lifestyle and are living in a low cost of living area.

And, none of this requires planning for income from your daughter, whose own prospects are speculative. It would be hugely imprudent to assume your daughter will be in a position to support you to any extent, without regard to cultural expectations. Her own income stream may be disrupted unexpectedly, whether due to health issues, economic conditions affecting your employment, or to other unforeseeable events. If she is able and willing to provide support, fine, but planning on it is risky since things may happen which prevent her from meeting your expectations.

In short, your future is in your hands, and planning will allow you to identify what it can look like. Continued saving/investing, working longer, and aiming for a lower cost lifestyle are the keys to your future financially comfortable retirement.

[Anonymous]

Get long term care insurance now. That will protect your daughter if one of you requires nursing care for a long period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

+1

We are asians migrated here in our teens. You need to change that old country mentality, you did it for your kid because you chose to have her. She doesn't have a choice of being born. Adapt the attitude of paying it forward and be proud of her instead of thinking of her a future personal piggy bank, she will have her family to take care of. A lot of immigrant have the illusion of the US land of riches and they can come here and retire early. The opportunities abound if you willing to work hard and continue to work hard until you can afford to retire w/o burdening your kids. Our relatives from the old country visits sometimes and decided they rather return home once they see the hectic 9-5 lives in the US...but no where will our kids have the opportunities available if they're willing to put in the efforts and hard work.

+1
The lifestyle is very depressing in USA. No help, no community. It's like walking on a tightrope. If you fall sick, you are screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get long term care insurance now. That will protect your daughter if one of you requires nursing care for a long period of time.

Very good idea. Do it now rather than later because as you age and have health problems, premiums will go up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I don’t think your wife should feel guilty at all for staying home to raise your child. But I do think she is your family’s best underutilized resource to family success. There must be something she can do that won’t hurt her back and doesn’t need English proficiency. Even working 10-20 hours a week could boost your savings, and it all could go in her tax-advantaged 401k.

Are there any telework jobs in Korea that could use her knowledge of living in the us as an asset? My sister did this (in reverse) when she moved from us to another country. American companies needed her perspectives “on the ground” to help market us products, scout stores, etc.

Could she do some sort of work for the Sourh Korean embassy or similar? There seems to always be a need to set up cultural events, exchanges, etc.

On the more practical end… could she do light delivery (like delivering flowers or something), even just a day or two a week? Or helping to set up spaces for big events where she only has to interact with a few people, not the public constantly. People in the arts tend to have a flare for events-work in my experience. Even if she is setting our name cards and folding napkins, I bet there are folks looking for people who “get” how to make this look good.

Only she knows what she is interested in, but maybe with some encouragement that she could do something fulfilling or fun a day or two a week, she might find she likes it.

The daughter is a senior in college. Should she feel guilty for the last 3 years of not working? How about the three before that, starting at the daughter's sophomore year in HS?

I understand the cultural divide is real, and both sides have strongly held beliefs. But count me among the (many) people who find it distasteful that OP expects that his daughter will bankroll his retirement. (It seems like his wife has been "retired" for at least three years already.) The attitude in the US, to the extent possible, generally is the opposite - parents try to leave something for their kids, or at the extreme creates generational wealth for their families. At a minimum, they strive to not be a burden. But being a burden is OP's entire plan.

[Anonymous]

Your wife is exhausted from raising one child with no job? Are you serious?

I hope you and girl daughter enjoy slaving away from the next 20+ (for you) and 40+ (for your daughter) so that your young 50’s wife never has to work a day past the age of 35. I can’t believe you don’t see how ridiculous that sounds! Good luck - you’ve made your bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

Give it break.

I’m sure OP’s daughter will help them out when the time comes. Of course, OP should also be maximizing his retirement savings right now. He never said he wouldn’t.

PP is correct, is this OP sockpuppeting?

No, not OP. OP didn’t say he expects or plans to rely on his DD. He said he hoped she could help out.

And he didn’t say he wasn’t going to do all that he realistically could do before retirement.

Strawman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for your situation. Many people are in your shoes. What you read on DCUM is not reality. Many people will lie here to spook others about their finances.

My suggestion would be to create a passive income stream. Can you rent out your basement to someone?

Can your wife provide childcare to an infant at home now that she is an empty nester?

This can easily provide you $1500 - $2000 income per month.

It is fine if your DD wants to fund your retirement. I know many people from my culture who have combined household and finances with their adult children and who pitch in for childcare and household management. I have seen the multi generational model work very well.

You do not have any debt (except mortgage), your kid does not have college debt, you have a house in DMV. You are in a better shape than you know.

Good points. A couple of years ago, I looked into hosting an exchange student from my home country in our spare room. But it did not end up being possible as I use it as my office and the room is tiny.

I will bring up the childcare suggestion to my wife. I don’t think she’ll be too keen on it though. She is 52 and has back problems. And is also sick of caring for kids as she’s already raised one herself, haha.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement. She took out the FAFSA maximum in student loans to pay for her college (I think it’s around $30k), but she’ll have no problem paying that off on a Wall Street salary. I suggested to her that she live as frugally as possible in NYC and save her money while she’s working like crazy to put a down payment on a condo and later trade that in for a house in her 30s (a tip I recently learned from this site!).

I realize different cultures view this differently, but I find it really off putting that you are just expecting your daughter to bankroll your retirement because you paid for (part of) her college and blow off reasonable alternatives like your mid 50s wife (ie not that old) finding some kind of employment.

You acknowledge that your dd is already burnt out but want to further cripple her/force her to stay in a job she hates to make enough money to support you. What if she ultimately decides she wants to be a sahm (like her mom)? As you’ve probably seen on dcum this also has the potential to be a major source of tension/stressor in her marriage, particularly if her spouse is from a different culture.

OP here. I want you to think about this from a rational, logical perspective:

1. DW and I sacrificed literally everything to move to the US. We didn’t know anyone in this country when we moved here at 35, and our entire extended family lives in our home country. We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

2. I literally took out a 401k loan of $30k to pay for her college. So I literally delayed my retirement for her college career.

3. I had to stay in several jobs I disliked to get a visa and then sponsorship in this country. This was all for the benefit of my daughter. A brief stint on Wall Street is nothing compared to what I endured.

Stop acting like you did any of that for your child. You did it for you. It’s very common for immigrants to put the BS, “we gave it all up for you now you owe us” on their kids but it’s terrible and toxic

I assume you are 50 ish and you child is done with college.

You need to max your retirement and you wife needs to get a job.

You have 20 years of working left in you. You will from 50 to 70 end up with a paid off million $ home and about $600K+ in retirement

You daughter does not owe you a retirement.

Give it break.

I’m sure OP’s daughter will help them out when the time comes. Of course, OP should also be maximizing his retirement savings right now. He never said he wouldn’t.

PP is correct, is this OP sockpuppeting?

No, not OP. OP didn’t say he expects or plans to rely on his DD. He said he hoped she could help out.

And he didn’t say he wasn’t going to do all that he realistically could do before retirement.

Strawman.

You need to read more carefully. These are quotes from OP's posts:

I suppose my retirement plan is my daughter.

Yes, I am expecting my DD to pitch in for retirement.

We did this all for DD, since growing up in USA is much better than S. Korea — by sacrificing our lives for her, we expect her to pay the favor back.

He feels like he is entitled to her earnings, and that she needs to stay in a high-pressure job so she can support her parents. He also "suggested she live frugally" so she can finance his retirement.

[Anonymous]

OP, you shouldn't feel bad about your finances, you are doing OK, and aren't retiring soon, so you have more time to save. You're definitely in the upper half of Americans (or people who live in America) from a job and retirement standpoint.

You should, however, feel terrible about your sh!tty parenting attitude and expectations that your daughter pay for you. And your wife should feel even worse. What has she been doing for the last 4+ years?

[Anonymous]

He also doesn’t think his wife should have to work at all, but his daughter should support him and his able-bodied non-working wife, plus her own family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a troll? He complains about his English not being fluent but his written English is excellent.
Otherwise, I wish he’d stop complaining and making excuses.
Count your blessings. You are doing a lot better than most people in the U.S. The fact you can’t see that says a lot about your character.
I feel badly for your daughter.

+1