When you didn’t “do enough” as a host

[Anonymous]

heavy apps makes a GREAT Christmas day meal. It means there is almost certainly something everyone likes- so no one is sitting there eating turkey when they don't like turkey etc. It is timing flexible- so it makes less difference exactly what time guests arrive- if kids nap late or whatever- people aren't 'holding' dinner for you. It means kids can play, and you are not forcing them to sit at a table for a long time. It means the host is just busy in the kitchen in short bursts throughout the day rather than several hours focused in the kitchen fixing a meal. I did this yesterday- it was great. I had a nice platter of fruit, a nice platter of cut up veggies and hummus. Cheese and crackers. Cocktail meatballs in the crockpot in bbq sauce. Thai peanut chicken wraps in cabbage. Shrimp and cocktail sauce. stuffed mushrooms. scallops wrapped in bacon. Deviled eggs. mini hot dogs in crescent rolls (e.g. pigs in a blanket). falafel.
Most of those was homemade- I also had 'backup' apps in the freezer (e.g. trader joe's stuff like mini tacos, frozen crab cakes etc). Which I would have pulled out if the food was going faster than expected.
OP- I'm sorry your sister was a jerk to you. Shake off and ignore- I know that is easier said then done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

I'm also in my mid 50s and struggling to understand how a meal of heavy apps would leave you hungry. All they are is a bite size portion of a larger dish. You are supposed to eat more of them. And, bruschetta wouldn't be the only thing provided. Do you only eat the garlic bread when you're at an Italian restaurant? No, you don't. You eat a variety of things, one bite at a time - just like you'd do with heavy appetizers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see no problem with heavy apps as long as everyone knew to expect that. Re. the time - did you make people feel they needed to leave when you put the kids to bed? (In which case I can see why she would be disappointed with a late start time or find it rude?)

The kids were still awake when everyone left. I let them stay up until people leave

And yes they were told it was heavy apps. It’s what we did last year and everyone seemed to love it then.

What did you do every other year? You seem to be pinning it all one last year and that one time you had heavy apps. And also only your sister gave you a hard time, not everyone else. Just roll your eyes and move on because clearly you and your sister have issues. Maybe you were rude to her last year and she's just giving it back.

It’s varied. Never traditional Turkey and sides though, no one really likes it. Italian, Mexican, mostly. We’ve done heavy apps more than just last year. I don’t know, I don’t think it really matters TBH. I would never ever go to someone’s house as a guest and complain. My MIL makes some truly weird things and I never would say something to her ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore your sisters and the posters criticizing your menu— as long as no one was hungry no one is entitled to a particular kind of meal, good grief I’ve never heard anything more gluttonous.

Had your sister been drinking heavily? If not, I would tell her if it comes up again that she is not required to accept an invitation next year.

I always leave hungry during a meal of heavy apps. I’m 50- do you think I’m going to spend the night filling up on bruschetta or something like that?

I'm also in my mid 50s and struggling to understand how a meal of heavy apps would leave you hungry. All they are is a bite size portion of a larger dish. You are supposed to eat more of them. And, bruschetta wouldn't be the only thing provided. Do you only eat the garlic bread when you're at an Italian restaurant? No, you don't. You eat a variety of things, one bite at a time - just like you'd do with heavy appetizers.

We had so much food and a ton leftover. No one left hungry.

[Anonymous]

My MIL said all that crap to me the first year I hosted (just after having given birth). Then she followed up with an "apology letter" restating all of her criticism.

Took me years to realize that she has a personality disorder.

It's not about you, it's about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see no problem with heavy apps as long as everyone knew to expect that. Re. the time - did you make people feel they needed to leave when you put the kids to bed? (In which case I can see why she would be disappointed with a late start time or find it rude?)

The kids were still awake when everyone left. I let them stay up until people leave

And yes they were told it was heavy apps. It’s what we did last year and everyone seemed to love it then.

What did you do every other year? You seem to be pinning it all one last year and that one time you had heavy apps. And also only your sister gave you a hard time, not everyone else. Just roll your eyes and move on because clearly you and your sister have issues. Maybe you were rude to her last year and she's just giving it back.

It’s varied. Never traditional Turkey and sides though, no one really likes it. Italian, Mexican, mostly. We’ve done heavy apps more than just last year. I don’t know, I don’t think it really matters TBH. I would never ever go to someone’s house as a guest and complain. My MIL makes some truly weird things and I never would say something to her ever.

Then be honest, this isn't about your hosting, it's about the bad blood between you and your sister which has existed since long before yesterday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m honestly so livid right now. We hosted Christmas and apparently we didn’t have the right start time, nor the right food, nor did we ask our guests to bring the right things, nor did we act excited enough, nor did we take food/gifts promptly enough… we apparently acted like “we didn’t even know they were coming” but the house was clean, food was cooking, table was set… I spent a lot of time, energy and money on tonight and I’m literally sobbing now … this is all immediate family that came over. I don’t know what I’m asking for except to just vent because I’m so sad

Never again. Enjoy your holiday. Do not invite those who find fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who gave you this feedback? I can't imagine anything more rude than to complain to a host/hostess about any perceived shortcomings. Very strange, and I'm sorry you had to cope with that. Would you be able to have a calm discussion with that person in the future about your efforts and your hurt feelings, or is this typical behavior on the part of family members?

My sister

Dat b***ch would never be invited to my house, again.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t the food. Loving people will enjoy cheese slices and crackers.
The food complaints simply personify their hatred and disrespect for you.
Don’t invite them again.

[Anonymous]

If you stop hosting (which I would), don't be surprised if they miss it and want it back. We had friends we would have to parties, etc and the last holiday gathering we invited them to, the husband was so bitter and sulky about how he didn't want to be at our party, he wanted to do some other event. He hated everything and wanted to leave. They were friends with the other couples and we had food we know they like. They actually fought at our home about how she dragged him there and he was ready to leave.

I am already not a natural entertainer in that it stresses me out, but I fake it. My stomach was sick at the thought someone was miserable at my home. We never invited them over again to a holiday gathering because we figured she would insist he come and he would be unhappy and we didn't want another fight breaking out. They have tried to invite themselves many times and want party invites.

We did finally incite them to a brunch for my husband's birthday since they were his friends from before he met me. They managed much better, but me made rude comments about the fancy car parked in the driveway. It belonged to another couple there who worked their arses off for years and finally had decided to enjoy the fruits of their labor. I could tell how hurt they were, I spoke up and I was stomach sick the rest of time.

Point being-some people suck. Don't host again. Don't let them suck you in again like I did.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter what the menu was. The host can put frilly toothpicks in McNuggets and as a good guest, you say “Thank you”.

Team OP, sis was being an jerk and should have been called out on the spot.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is a terrible person. But, we’re lots of other people there? Presumably, they all had a great time. Why are you letting one person ruin all this? And if you are really sobbing over this, you might need to work with a therapist. Most people would be angry or just rolling their eyes, because they already knew their sister was a ridiculous and terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Heavy apps isn't necessarily easier than dinner. A main entree and a few simple sides doesn't have to be that much work. Heavy apps can mean anything. What exactly was the menu?

Chicken, sliders, Mac n cheese, butternut squash ravioli, green beans, roasted broccoli, kale salad, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and fruit salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heavy apps isn't necessarily easier than dinner. A main entree and a few simple sides doesn't have to be that much work. Heavy apps can mean anything. What exactly was the menu?

Chicken, sliders, Mac n cheese, butternut squash ravioli, green beans, roasted broccoli, kale salad, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and fruit salad.

That's a dinner menu.

[Anonymous]

That’s so rude!