I keep missing work due to illnesses (mine and kids)-will I get fired?

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry.
I know Americans don’t take time off, but you need a few weeks off to recuperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you get ahead of this and talk to them first. Initiate a performance conversation; you should not wait for them to do so as then more serious.

You have the leave so take 2 weeks off from next week until jan2. Tell them what’s going with your workload and if you can transfer to someone.

Chiming in to say this is good advice, OP. I really feel you. I have some staff who have been dealing with exactly this same sort of thing this past fall and it's tough on everyone (certainly most of all on them). Acknowledging that things are rough right now and working together with your management to set realistic goals and workplans for a time is a sensible thing to do. I've been doing this with those staff and it's made it easier for them and also their colleagues, because there's a lot less of picking things up at the last minute/having their own work impacted by missed deadlines since we're being proactive. I would not want to lose a good employee for what is recognizably a relatively short-term issue at any time and frankly especially right now when there's already a lot of churn in the workforce.

Sending you big hugs. This winter is TOUGH. It will pass - but for now I agree with others, please try to take a chunk of time off for yourself if you can. You deserve care too!

As one who has been there, I agree with both PPs. Talk to your supervisor about what is going on and see if there is any additional support they can offer. Then schedule a vacation and use the time for yourself - let the nanny deal with the kids.

I'm sure it's hard to find, but it sounds like finding someone who could take the kids to their doctors' appointments might be a good solution. As a parent of three, two with health issues, I understand how much of a time suck routine medical appointments are and how much stress they create in your professional life. When you add additional illnesses on top of that, it's unworkable.

Hugs, and best wishes to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

PP here, adding one more thing. You are likely suffering from burnout, as evidenced by how much you are struggling to complete simple tasks like writing emails. I've also been there. From your post, your stress includes not only your parenting duties and your illness but also your fear of missing deadlines or being terminated. If you initiate a conversation with your supervisor, the element of fear that some action will be taken against you because you have used so much leave will disappear. Even a small reduction in your stress level might help you think more clearly on the job. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I’d go to your doctor and have some basically labs done. I’m worried you have something more going on. Check your thyroid, hemoglobin, etc.

Op here. I’ve done this. Everything was normal except my vitamin D was low.

Sleep is a massive part of the problem. My child with SN has sleep problems. We actually just had an in patient sleep study done. And then when you layer illnesses on top of our existing sleep problems, everything unravels. I’m just so sleep deprived, and then I get sick, but then it takes me forever to get better because I never get enough sleep.

If your husband won't switch off with you on this, have the nanny come in at night until you can get caught up. Sleep deprivation is no joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

This. OP's issues aren't about capitalism. It's also not about her and her kids being sick too much. It's about her having a mental health breakdown, and needing to figure out how within the system she heals herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

It is precisely the issue. OP is not “missing” 40% of her hours, she is using earned time off to deal with legitimate health issues. It is up to her employer to figure out how to fill the gaps and accommodate humans being humans. The fact that OP is so worried about having taken earned and reasonable time off is a red flag of the toxic work culture in this country. The fact that almost everyone in this thread immediately sympathized with the needs of the employer is also a red flag, it confirmed OP’s hunch.

It”s obvious OP is burned out, as many working Americans are. She has banked time off that she is afraid to take, because taking time off is seen as “missing work hours”. The primary advice to this woman should be to prioritize her health, take the time off she needs and not worry about her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

This. OP's issues aren't about capitalism. It's also not about her and her kids being sick too much. It's about her having a mental health breakdown, and needing to figure out how within the system she heals herself.

The system does not allow for people to heal themselves from burn out. Many employers provide time off and a bunch of platitudes about mental health when it’s theoretical, but god forbid you actually use the resources. OP is worried about losing her job because she intuitively understands how things actually work.

In fact the system is so rotten that the President of the US halts a strike to prevent rail workers from obtaining a basic human right, sick days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

It is precisely the issue. OP is not “missing” 40% of her hours, she is using earned time off to deal with legitimate health issues. It is up to her employer to figure out how to fill the gaps and accommodate humans being humans. The fact that OP is so worried about having taken earned and reasonable time off is a red flag of the toxic work culture in this country. The fact that almost everyone in this thread immediately sympathized with the needs of the employer is also a red flag, it confirmed OP’s hunch.

It's obvious OP is burned out, as many working Americans are. She has banked time off that she is afraid to take, because taking time off is seen as “missing work hours”. The primary advice to this woman should be to prioritize her health, take the time off she needs and not worry about her job.

OP isn't using her time off though. She's trying to still work, she's spending 4 hours sending a single email, and falling asleep on the floor. She said she has something like 400 hours of leave. Go in and talk to your boss about setting up a system to use it and get healthy. You generally don't get fired for that (unless you have a toxic workplace). But you do get fired when you just don't show up multiple days a week, fall asleep in the office, miss deadlines (without being on leave) and do bad work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, there are quotes and thoughts on this and I’ll try to find them.

If we all think we aren’t doing enough, getting therapy, throwing money at problems, and still behind, the problem is not US. It’s the SYSTEM.

We are caught in an antiquated post industrialist capitalist system that exploits workers. Of course we are not okay.

It took four pages for someone to state the obvious. It is crazy to me that someone would lose their job for taking reasonable, earned, time off. People are not machines. We don’t exist for the sole purpose of sustaining corporations. It is the responsibility of employers to build these kinds of delays into their projects, to hire enough workers to cover leaves and to make contingency plans. Other western countries are civilized enough to consider sick leave a basic human need.

I'm a PP that told the OP she needs to get her shit together.

I'm a big proponent of systemic change and shifts to the (relatively far) left. That's not the issue here. OP isn't sleeping, is missing 40% of her work hours, napping on the floor of her office. All while she has hundreds of hours of leave banked. That's not a system issue - it's a her issue. She needs to step back, assess what's wrong, and take the time to fix it before getting back in the game.

The system is actually working here. She hasn't been fired and she has months worth of leave banked should she choose to use it. She's just failing to make use of the support available to her.

It is precisely the issue. OP is not “missing” 40% of her hours, she is using earned time off to deal with legitimate health issues. It is up to her employer to figure out how to fill the gaps and accommodate humans being humans. The fact that OP is so worried about having taken earned and reasonable time off is a red flag of the toxic work culture in this country. The fact that almost everyone in this thread immediately sympathized with the needs of the employer is also a red flag, it confirmed OP’s hunch.

It's obvious OP is burned out, as many working Americans are. She has banked time off that she is afraid to take, because taking time off is seen as “missing work hours”. The primary advice to this woman should be to prioritize her health, take the time off she needs and not worry about her job.

OP isn't using her time off though. She's trying to still work, she's spending 4 hours sending a single email, and falling asleep on the floor. She said she has something like 400 hours of leave. Go in and talk to your boss about setting up a system to use it and get healthy. You generally don't get fired for that (unless you have a toxic workplace). But you do get fired when you just don't show up multiple days a week, fall asleep in the office, miss deadlines (without being on leave) and do bad work.

She IS using her earned time off to take 1-2 days per week to care for sick children. She is terrified of taking more time off because she is already missing deadlines and understands she probably will get fired. The only job protection she has now is FMLA. I think most posters in this thread have never been in a situation similar to OP. The seasoned HR lady who responded in the first page was spot on. People get fired for missing deadlines, because deadlines never get moved and work never reassigned to accommodate employee needs. That’s what usually happens, an accommodating manager is rare.

I’ve worked in HR for 25 years. Yes, absolutely people are fired for missing deliverables and deadlines due to missing work 1-2 times a week for weeks on end.

File for FMLA since you qualify. Your alternative is to make sure you stop missing deadlines by working nights and weekends to make up the time. Doesn’t sound like your health allows you to do that.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, you should have posted this on one of the parenting pages. People on this forum come at everything from the perspective of "why can't you work harder?"

Of course you CAN get fired if you're missing deadlines, falling asleep at work, etc but my experience has been that people are fairly understanding when it comes to sick kids. I would recommend setting up a meeting with your supervisor and explaining that your kids have had a lot of health challenges lately and you have been struggling with balancing the workload, and you are trying to figure out the best approach going forward. Could you take an extended leave? Do FMLA? Maybe go to a part-time schedule for 6 months until the worst has passed?

As long as it doesn't seem like you're trying to take advantage, I think your employer will work with you. You are a high performer with specialized skills, it's a tight job market. They won't want to lose you.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for all the replies. For clarity-whenever I am missing work for whatever reason, I do report leave time (whether sick or vacation). I’m honestly not sure my coworkers actually do since we are mostly remote and not micromanaged so it’s easy to sneak off to appointments, but I always use my leave hours.

The reason I have so many hours banked is because my employer is pretty generous with time off and I’ve been in this job for awhile and generally don’t use all my leave so I have a reserve.

[Anonymous]

Op here again with a real time problem that illustrates this situation.

I’m scheduled to give an in person training to a group of 20 people on Thursday. This has been in the works for months and the SVP of my group is flying in to do it with me. The VP doesn’t know this subject well at all and I’m the subject matter expert. We already had to reschedule this training once.

The audience is in a group that is mandatory in person and they will not support a remote training.

I currently have a terrible cough. The kind where my whole body is involved and I cannot control the coughing fits, I’m
hacking up green phlegm, and I even pee myself every time I cough. I have a doc appointment this afternoon. I tested negative for covid at home.

The SVP has already given me a hard time in the past for a conference I had to miss due to Illness a few months ago. This VP is older and has no children, so he really doesn’t get it.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I can’t cancel the training but going forward while hacking up a lung doesn’t feel right either.

So what do I do here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here again with a real time problem that illustrates this situation.

I’m scheduled to give an in person training to a group of 20 people on Thursday. This has been in the works for months and the SVP of my group is flying in to do it with me. The VP doesn’t know this subject well at all and I’m the subject matter expert. We already had to reschedule this training once.

The audience is in a group that is mandatory in person and they will not support a remote training.

I currently have a terrible cough. The kind where my whole body is involved and I cannot control the coughing fits, I’m
hacking up green phlegm, and I even pee myself every time I cough. I have a doc appointment this afternoon. I tested negative for covid at home.

The SVP has already given me a hard time in the past for a conference I had to miss due to Illness a few months ago. This VP is older and has no children, so he really doesn’t get it.

I have no idea what to do. I feel like I can’t cancel the training but going forward while hacking up a lung doesn’t feel right either.

So what do I do here?

Just go! You’re not going to be able to stay home everytime you have a cough.