I keep missing work due to illnesses (mine and kids)-will I get fired?

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m looking for stories from other parents with young kids. At what point do you get in trouble for missing work due to illness? Has anyone ever been fired for this?

I have a robust childcare plan, including a full time nanny who will take care of sick kids, and a subscription to a nanny service that provides back up sick care if the nanny is out and kids are too sick for school.

My problem is that I’m getting so run down and I keep getting sick. I also have to take sick time to get kids to doctors appointments for all their numerous illnesses.

I’ve missed 1-2 days of work every week for the last 6 weeks. I’m behind. I’m missing deadlines. But I’m also more exhausted than I’ve ever been, including when I had newborns. I can’t catch a breath. I can’t think straight.

No one at work has mentioned my performance yet. I am otherwise a very high performer with perfect reviews. But I just cannot sustain the pace of past years.

Do I take FMLA? One of my kids has SN that could justify it. Do I just quit work for a few years? I like working in general. I’m also dealing with depression on top of the illnesses.

I’ve been to the doc, I’ve had a full work up, I have a psychiatrist, I do therapy. It’s just a tough year.

[Anonymous]

I assume you are a single parent? Do you have any family who could just come hang for a few weeks and relieve you a bit?

[Anonymous]

I feel you OP. Have you had any break, any vacation at all? I’d take a couple weeks off if you can, completely unplug and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are a single parent? Do you have any family who could just come hang for a few weeks and relieve you a bit?

Op here. I’m married but DH has a lot of limitations. We’ve done therapy. It didn’t work. It just kind of is what it is at this point.

[Anonymous]

Where is your kids other parent and why aren’t they involved in caring for the kids when they are ill?

Even if you have sick or PTO time, yes you can be fired for performance reasons like your missing deadlines.

If your child’s SN qualify for FMLA, I would encourage you to file so that you have the job protection. You could use it intermittently. And if you are running on empty it might be a good idea to take a chunk up front to recover and then switch to intermittent leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you OP. Have you had any break, any vacation at all? I’d take a couple weeks off if you can, completely unplug and go from there.

Op here. I haven’t other than a 3 day work conference in June. I almost wonder if taking a big chunk of time might be better. I feel embarrassed asking for sick leave multiple times a week and worry that somehow looks worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume you are a single parent? Do you have any family who could just come hang for a few weeks and relieve you a bit?

Op here. I’m married but DH has a lot of limitations. We’ve done therapy. It didn’t work. It just kind of is what it is at this point.

Well then the answer is no to your quitting your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your kids other parent and why aren’t they involved in caring for the kids when they are ill?

Even if you have sick or PTO time, yes you can be fired for performance reasons like your missing deadlines.

If your child’s SN qualify for FMLA, I would encourage you to file so that you have the job protection. You could use it intermittently. And if you are running on empty it might be a good idea to take a chunk up front to recover and then switch to intermittent leave.

Op here. I know I can be fired, I’m just wondering if anyone ever actually has been for having sick kids with a ton of wintertime illness. I’ve never seen it happen, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone have so many illnesses as I’ve had in the last couple of months.

I do have a DH, he isn’t helpful, I’ve tried therapy, it didn’t work. He sometimes helps, often doesn’t, but I just can’t ever really count on him.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t your nanny take the kids to the doctor? How sick are they? Where is your DH?

I have 3 kids and they were sick all the time when younger (also this fall has been rough). I only took them to the doctor when it was something unusual - and that usually happened at night and we had to go to urgent care or the ER. We were always told to follow up with our pediatrician but I used my own discretion.

I get being exhausted- no answers for that - it’s very stressful having sick kids who need soothing. And inevitably they don’t sleep well, so I don’t either.

I think you will be fine if the constant sick days don’t continue - that is you won’t get fired and hopefully this will be forgotten- but it won’t be if you don’t find a solution.

[Anonymous]

A few years ago, I got run down taking care of an elderly parent. I just kept getting sick after that. I couldn’t shake colds. I took off three weeks and focused on sleep and nutrition. My doctor wrote it up so I could get the time off. It was unpaid, but it protected my job.

[Anonymous]

Unlikely you’ll get fired as long as you have the leave. If your nanny is ok with watching them sick why doesn’t she take them to doc appts? I used to be a nanny and did this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t your nanny take the kids to the doctor? How sick are they? Where is your DH?

I have 3 kids and they were sick all the time when younger (also this fall has been rough). I only took them to the doctor when it was something unusual - and that usually happened at night and we had to go to urgent care or the ER. We were always told to follow up with our pediatrician but I used my own discretion.

I get being exhausted- no answers for that - it’s very stressful having sick kids who need soothing. And inevitably they don’t sleep well, so I don’t either.

I think you will be fine if the constant sick days don’t continue - that is you won’t get fired and hopefully this will be forgotten- but it won’t be if you don’t find a solution.

Op here, the nanny doesn’t drive and her English is not great so doc appointments are out. She often comes with me to the appointments though, and that is a huge help as I can do emails while we wait and she entertains DD.

One of my kids has SN, including epilepsy (and gets seizures when sick), so I feel we have to follow up with the doctors. I guess our pediatrician does tend to tell us to come in for every little thing and I go along with it.

The problem with my exhaustion is it’s the kind I can’t seem to rally through anymore. I’ll suck it up and push through my own sickness or sleep deprivation, only to spend 3 hours trying to write a simple email, or I’ll be on calls and just can’t remember even the simplest word. I can’t track what’s happened on anything from one day to the next, it’s like every day I’m trying to remember what’s going on with my projects because my memory is just not functional anymore.

I was able to just suck it up and power through on the past but I can’t anymore. I laid down on the floor of my office a few weeks ago at lunch to just close my eyes for 20 minutes and I woke up and it had been 3 hours!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is your kids other parent and why aren’t they involved in caring for the kids when they are ill?

Even if you have sick or PTO time, yes you can be fired for performance reasons like your missing deadlines.

If your child’s SN qualify for FMLA, I would encourage you to file so that you have the job protection. You could use it intermittently. And if you are running on empty it might be a good idea to take a chunk up front to recover and then switch to intermittent leave.

Op here. I know I can be fired, I’m just wondering if anyone ever actually has been for having sick kids with a ton of wintertime illness. I’ve never seen it happen, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone have so many illnesses as I’ve had in the last couple of months.

I do have a DH, he isn’t helpful, I’ve tried therapy, it didn’t work. He sometimes helps, often doesn’t, but I just can’t ever really count on him.

The reason for firing rarely is the absence in white collar roles. It’s the missing deadlines and deliverables like you said.

I’ve worked in HR for 25 years. Yes, absolutely people are fired for missing deliverables and deadlines due to missing work 1-2 times a week for weeks on end.

File for FMLA since you qualify. Your alternative is to make sure you stop missing deadlines by working nights and weekends to make up the time. Doesn’t sound like your health allows you to do that.

[Anonymous]

I may get flamed all over the place for this, but since your husband seems uninvolved, are any of these appointments something your nanny can do? You need another parent and it seems like she might be it.

As far as quitting your job I would certainly not leave my financial stability in the hands of a person that can't be bothered to notice what is going on in his own home and be involved in it.

I hope your birth control is foolproof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may get flamed all over the place for this, but since your husband seems uninvolved, are any of these appointments something your nanny can do? You need another parent and it seems like she might be it.

As far as quitting your job I would certainly not leave my financial stability in the hands of a person that can't be bothered to notice what is going on in his own home and be involved in it.

I hope your birth control is foolproof.

Just saw your update about your nanny.

Any chance your mother could come and be a help? It does sound like you need massive rest. Is your husband aware that you are at your breaking point?